Health, Fitness & Personal Growth Tips for Women in Midlife: Asking for a Friend

Ep.170 The Power of Breathwork for Midlife Women: Better Sleep, Less Stress, Fewer Cravings

• Michele Henning Folan • Episode 170

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Breathe Like Your Health Depends On It: Midlife Stress, Sleep, & Cravings with Sandy Abrams

Is your nervous system stuck in overdrive?

Hot flashes, disrupted sleep, mindless snacking, snapping at your spouse—these aren’t just “midlife things.” They’re signs your body is begging for calm. And the fastest way to get there? Your breath.

In this empowering conversation, breath coach and author Sandy Abrams shows us how to use our breath as a powerful midlife survival tool—helping you manage stress, sleep better, tame cravings, improve digestion, and even show up more grounded in tough conversations.

Sandy breaks it down with simple, science-backed breathing techniques like:

  • 💤 4-7-8 for deep, restorative sleep
  • 😌 Coherent breath (5-in, 5-out) to stay calm during the chaos
  • 🍽️ Pre-meal breathing to support digestion and stop stress snacking
  • 🧠 Breathing + mantras to shift your mindset and self-talk

💥 No fancy equipment. No yoga mat. Just your breath—and 60 seconds.

We also dive into Sandy’s own energizing morning routine (including cold showers + Wim Hof breathing), and the mindset shifts that come when you realize you don’t have to power through midlife—you can actually breathe your way through it.

You can book Sandy Abrams for corporate trainings or events at https://www.theceom.com/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/sandyabrams1/

 📚 Grab Sandy’s book Breathe to Succeed and connect with her @sandyabrams on Instagram.

_________________________________________
Are you ready to reclaim your midlife body and health?
I’ve walked this road myself—through menopause, stubborn midsection weight gain, and the fatigue that makes you feel like you’ve lost your spark. The Faster Way six-week group program set me on the path to strength, confidence, and sustainable change. You can get started here:
👉 https://www.fasterwaycoach.com/?aid=MicheleFolan

💌 Have questions about Faster Way? Reach me anytime at mfolanfasterway@gmail.com

✨ For more tips, science-backed strategies, and midlife health inspiration, sign up for my weekly newsletter:
👉 https://michelefolanfasterway.myflodesk.com/i6i44jw4fq

🎤 In addition to coaching, I speak to women’s groups, moderate health panel discussions, and bring experts together for real, evidence-based conversations about midlife health. If you’d like me at your next event, let’s connect!

Transcripts are created with AI and may not be perfectly accurate.

Disclaimer: This podcast is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of medicine, nursing, or other professional healthcare services. It is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of you...

Michele Folan:

Looking for a speaker who actually gets midlife women. I'm Michele Folan, midlife health coach and host of the Asking for a Friend podcast. Whether I'm speaking to women's groups or moderating health panels, I bring straight talk, humor and science-backed strategies that motivate women to take action. From bone health to hormones to staying strong for the long haul. I make complex health simple and inspiring. Want me at your next event. Reach out through the email link. In the long haul, I make complex health simple and inspiring. Want me at your next event. Reach out through the email link in the show notes Health, wellness, fitness and everything in between. We're removing the taboo from what really matters in midlife. I'm your host, Michele Folan, and this is Asking for a Friend.

Michele Folan:

Midlife is loud. Hormones shifting, stress spiking, sleep disappearing. We're told to try more supplements, more hacks, more everything but the most powerful tool. You already own everything, but the most powerful tool you already own your breath. Today, I'm joined by my dear friend, Sandy Abrams, entrepreneur, breath coach and author of Breathe to Succeed. Sandy has taught women and teams at companies like Google how to use simple breath practices to lower cortisol, calm hot flashes, improve sleep and handle stressful moments with ease. We're cutting through the noise and giving midlife women practical breath. Tools you can use in 60 seconds or less. Sandy Abrams, welcome to Asking for a Friend.

Sandy Abrams:

Thank you, Michele. This is one of my favorite podcasts and I'm thrilled to be here because I'm sure we'll be laughing.

Michele Folan:

Yes, oh, we will be laughing, and we're laughing already, because I ate yogurt before we started recording and I'm a little phlegmy and Sandy knows she does a podcast, she knows this. Doing yogurt or any dairy before you record is not a great idea.

Sandy Abrams:

But did you know that laughter is my favorite kind of breath and so it was great? We started our conversation with you coughing and getting that phlegm up, and so this is great.

Michele Folan:

I'm so excited to have you here because you're not just a guest, you're my dear friend and we've had so many conversations off mic about midlife and everything that women are navigating. You know, it's not just sleep and hot flashes, it's. I think we're carrying a heavier load than ever and you would think that we've gotten to this point in life that we should be letting some of that go. What is going on?

Sandy Abrams:

Good question, Michele. What is going on? I have no idea, and that's what I love about our conversations that even though we're both out there in the world and we're sharing our insights and educating people on certain things, we are always still asking ourselves you know what's going on, how can we help what's happening, how can we do something, how can we take agency, even a little bit, every single day. And that's what I love about our conversations and that's what I love about what I do, because you can't master life, and especially these days. I do agree that we're carrying a heavy load. Our modern lives, with technology moving at the speed of. We were not built to consume the amount of information that we receive every day, and so I think it all just starts with self-awareness and trying to manage stress in small moments every single day, because we'll never get ahead of it. But we need to just be mindful every day about managing stress because, yes, it's there and it's heavier than ever and it's moving faster than ever.

Michele Folan:

Well, and this week, with Faster Way, we are doing a cortisol reset. I have never seen so much engagement with my clients as I have this week. I feel like we're at this precipice of, I think, of awareness right Of how stress affects us and it's that profound effect not just affects us and it's that profound effect not just our minds but our bodies and how our bodies respond to that. It's really incredible. But I think the awareness piece is the first step.

Sandy Abrams:

And I'm not surprised that you're having a great response for that, because I feel like it's podcasts like yours and conversations like we have all the time where we're just planting the seed with people, like just to be more self-aware, because I think what's happening is, you know, these platforms, social media platforms, were designed for the dopamine hit and so, no matter how mindful you are, it's science that, like, even my hand still reflexively grabs from my phone when I didn't even think to myself I want that or I need that and so, yeah.

Sandy Abrams:

So I think that it's wonderful that you're getting a great response for that, because, yeah, cortisol, you know, is important on so many levels, and also just being aware of the physical manifestations of stress in your mind and your body, and the more that you practice breath because breath really helps you reconnect to yourself so the more that you practice breath in small moments, the more aware you become of oh, wow, my heart's racing, oh, or oh wow, that I feel that headache coming on or my stomach feels uncomfortable or whatever it is Like. For me, it's like my shoulders and neck that's where I feel it first, and my shoulders are up to my ears, and so it's like you notice, you change your breath and you can change your physiology. And breath Isn't just, you know, most people think it's for in that crisis moment, like, just breathe, it'll calm you down and while it does deliver in that situation, you can calm, balance or boost your energy, your mood, your mindset simply by changing your breath.

Michele Folan:

Yeah, I have to go back here because Sandy was a guest on episode four of the podcast. Four of the podcast. I have like 169 episodes now. So first of all, can you believe?

Sandy Abrams:

that, yes, I knew you would be a natural and that it would be a podcast.

Michele Folan:

You're really sweet, but Sandy was a big part of this because she helped me a great deal with just learning the nuts and bolts of podcasting, so thank you for that. So, anyway, I had to. I had to bring that up, thank you. You know, at some point though and we don't have to go into your whole genesis of how you got to where you are, but I do want to dig in a little bit on when you realized that breath was this overlooked tool.

Sandy Abrams:

Yeah, and that was a long time ago and it still is so underutilized. I had my own sort of aha moment with breath in a yoga class back in 1989 when I first started yoga, and I am wired to be just fast paced. I'm a type A entrepreneur and I loved yoga because I started this rigorous practice that was called power yoga at the time and I just loved it. But I was known as the girl who left yoga class right before Shavasana because, like, why do we need to lie there and be still for the last five minutes of every single class? And I started to go to the studio every day, sometimes twice a day, because I loved it so much. And the teacher started calling me out and they would explain that that pose, known as Shavasana or corpse pose, is the most important pose in yoga. And it literally blew my mind because I just I didn't know anything about the ROI of stillness. And so shortly after that I gave it a try out of respect for the practice, which I loved, and the teachers who I loved, and I was lying there and my palms were sweaty, my heart was racing but I was listening to her cues about slowing down your breath and all of a sudden, it was like you hear that music in your head and it was the first time I ever felt stillness in my body and that was my aha moment and it made me curious about taking that power of those. It was three deep breaths off my yoga mat and into my life to try to find some stillness in my day, because it was right then that I realized how fast I was moving all the time. Then I went into a deeper dive about just a little bit, about some different kinds of breath, and I started practicing every single day and it continues to save me from myself every single day, in small moments.

Sandy Abrams:

And what I love about breath is that it's free, it's accessible to everyone, and even now, in our modern world. Yes, there are great apps that have breath practices and guided breath practices, but the truth is you can use it in real time when you need it most, without any equipment, without any wifi and just the basic foundation. The basic foundational principles of mindful breath are so simple and they allow you to take agency over your nervous system, so that in real time, you're having a difficult conversation or you're on a bumpy flight all of a sudden, or you get news that was completely unexpected. You know how to immediately check in with yourself, calm your nervous system and learn how to respond versus react, and also learn how to manage stress, because stress these days is the biggest source of doctor's visits I think it's something like 80 some odd percent of doctor visits these days are stress related, and stress is preventable and manageable.

Michele Folan:

Oh man, you are not kidding. I'm going to take a quick break, sandy, and when we come back let's talk about what's going on out there in the realm of stress. So how's that nightly wine o'clock working out for you? Or those 3 pm carb crashes that make you want to faceplant on your desk? And let's not even talk about the look your doctor gave you at your last checkup carb crashes that make you want to face plant on your desk. And let's not even talk about the look your doctor gave you at your last checkup. Yeah, that look. Listen, midlife isn't a free pass to let your health slide. You can't just hope your genes still fit and call it good. If you don't take charge now, your body's going to send you a bill later and, trust me, it's expensive. That's where the faster way to fat loss comes in. We're talking real strategies, fueling with the right macros, strength training that actually works and habits that keep you out of the nursing home and on the dance floor. So what's it going to be? More excuses or more muscle? Your move? The link's in the show notes. Come join me. Okay, we are back.

Michele Folan:

You know, before we took the break, you were talking about how many doctor visits are attributed to stress when you start thinking about what's going on. With midlife women, we may still have kids at home. With midlife women, we may still have kids at home. We have kids that have flown the coop. But I always say bigger kids, bigger problems. We may be caring for parents right now. We may be in job transition, trying to figure out how we're going to retire. We may be losing a marriage, how we're going to retire, we may be losing a marriage. So there's all these things and I would love to kind of talk about how we, throughout our day, take different modes of breath and how we can apply those for certain moments moments?

Sandy Abrams:

Sure, it's a great question, and breath is. Dr Elissa Epple is a stress expert and she has so eloquently said that breath is the fastest, most direct path to relieve stress in the body. And it is so. Again, it starts with that self-awareness, noticing how you feel. Because these days, again, with our devices all the time in front of us, we tend to live on autopilot mode, so our breath is shallow, rapid, we're not even thinking about it.

Sandy Abrams:

And when you're in that autopilot default mode, that actually keeps you in a low-grade state of chronic stress, and when you're in that state you can't build health while you're ingrade state of chronic stress.

Sandy Abrams:

And when you're in that state, you can't build health while you're in a state of chronic stress. So that's why small moments of breath make such a difference. And the more you practice those small moments of relaxing and also balancing breath and I'll give you a couple of practices in just a second the more you practice, the more it just becomes second nature. And so that's preventative for stress to build up, because while you're walking to the restroom, while you're filling your water bottle, while you're standing in line for coffee, you just take the mindful, slower breaths that immediately signal your nervous system. I'm safe, I'm calm, because before you know it, you are building up that stress again. Because you looked at your phone, you saw an email you didn't like, you saw something on social that triggered something, and so it's just all about doing breath when you don't need it, doing mindful, slower breathing when you don't need it, because then you can turn on a dime so much faster when you do need it.

Michele Folan:

You brought this up and I want to say this how often are we in line at the bank, in line at Starbucks, at a stoplight, and we pick up our phone, and we pick up our phone. What if we took those small moments and, instead of picking up that damn phone, take some time to do some very intentional breath work?

Sandy Abrams:

Yes.

Michele Folan:

Yes, Yay.

Sandy Abrams:

Michele, like, yes, a full body. Yes to that, because and it's game changing and I know that this community will get it because you will see immediate difference and I think I also. That reminds me that I want to mention the most important time to utilize the power of breath and staying connected to yourself is, first thing in the morning, to give up that reflex to grab for your phone, to look at your device, to scroll, because you feel like it's relaxing, it is crashing your day. And so if in the morning, when you get up, instead of reaching for your phone, that's the first moment where you close your eyes again and you just take the relaxing breaths, the breaths that aren't in the chest and they're not fast, they start down at your belly and you take a slow inhale through your nose. A proper deep breath. Deep, slow, nourishing breath is around five or six seconds on the inhale. So let's just take one now and people can close their eyes if they want. So let's just take one now and people can close their eyes if they want. And also notice, when you close your eyes, that can feel so luxurious. You're setting that boundary from external distractions, from looking at that blue light to going inward and just checking in with yourself.

Sandy Abrams:

And then you start the breath down at the belly and you inhale through your nose slowly, lightly, and then you fill up and then you trace the breath up to the chest and then you slowly exhale through the nose or the mouth, on the exhale for that same five or six seconds. That's called a coherent breath, that's a balancing breath. And again, you don't have to close your eyes. You can do this one while you're in line or while you're walking or while you're driving, and you just are balancing your nervous system. That mindful breath, it's the love language of the nervous system. So you've just spoke the language to your nervous system that again says I'm safe, I'm well, I'm balanced, I'm calm. And you've just spoke the language to your nervous system that again says I'm safe, I'm well, I'm balanced, I'm calm, and you can do those on the go. So now I forgot what was the question.

Michele Folan:

Is that for you or what? No, but it's starting the day out very mindful, right. Yes, we have to set our day up right, and part of that is I tell my clients get outside in the morning, get sunshine, get that light in the back of your eyes to reset your circadian rhythm. Make this breath technique part of that moment where you get to reset everything. Actually, you should probably do while you're still lying in bed.

Sandy Abrams:

Yeah, but, as you know, I love my morning beach walks to get outside first thing in the morning, and then I also do some boosting breath work in the morning while I'm still lying in bed, and then I balance it with the slower, more balancing practices while I'm walking, because that I agree that pairing of breath when you first get up, instead of looking at your device and then getting outside, getting that light even if it's overcast, you still get that kind of light that will help regulate circadian rhythm. And with sleep, as you talk about so much, with sleep being such a key pillar of wellness, it really is important to get outside first thing and you start to regulate circadian rhythm and then also, whenever possible, get outside in the late afternoon or early evening during summer for the sunset light to again down-regulate your nervous system but also help to regulate the circadian rhythm. It's so beneficial and you'll sleep so much better.

Michele Folan:

Oh yeah, Actually I was talking with a client this morning and she really struggles with sleep. She knows who she is.

Michele Folan:

She may listen to this podcast, but we were talking about early morning evening. Go walk the dog after dinner. You're getting tons of bang for your buck. So you're getting that early morning or early evening light, you're helping your blood sugar Do some breath work to set the stage for a good night's sleep. I just think there's so many we can wrap breath into all these other habits. We're not adding just one more, you know thing right, because I think there's that overwhelm. Oh God, Michele, you're adding one more thing.

Sandy Abrams:

Exactly, and this is not adding, it's just. It's like habit stacking. You're just supplementing. All of the other wellness modalities are amplified and they're more effective when you breathe in certain ways along with them. So all of your vital systems work better when your respiratory system is optimized. And also regarding the sleep thing, which I also talk to so many people who just don't sleep well, when you just get in bed and you think you're going to be able to fall asleep right away, and then your mind starts racing and ruminating. The rumination is what causes stress.

Sandy Abrams:

That's where slow breathing comes in, so helpful, because otherwise it's like trying to park a car while your foot is on the gas pedal. You need to spend just a few minutes down-regulating your nervous system before you expect to go to sleep. It makes all the difference in the world, and so for that there's two breath practices that I love, and the general rule of thumb in order to relax your nervous system is to make your exhales twice as long as your inhales. So, as you're in bed, start to breathe in through your nose to a count of about four, if you're a new breather, and then, as you exhale through your nose or mouth, try for a count of six and then maybe seven or eight, and then, as you begin to practice, your inhales might extend to five or six, and then your exhales might extend to even longer. And within two or three minutes you notice how your nervous system feels. You notice that you've downregulated, your heart rate is slowing. It's those exhales, the long exhales, is when your heart rate slows down, and so that's great.

Sandy Abrams:

And then Dr Andrew Weil, the integrative medicine doctor. He created 4-7-8. So it's that same principle Inhale to 4, exhales double long at eight, and in the middle you retain the breath. And if you're not used to holding your breath, retaining for a count of seven might seem a little bit much. So try just retaining the breath for two, a two second count, then three and then four, and you'll notice when you retain the breath in the middle there guess what happens? Your thoughts usually shift to the fact that, oh, I'm retaining my breath, so you've stopped the ruminating, and that the four, seven, eight will get me back to sleep in the middle of the night like clockwork in two or three minutes. So yeah, those breath practices are so helpful for sleep, yeah.

Michele Folan:

It's the counting that helps me. If I'm counting, I'm not thinking about what I have to do the next day or whatever's going on in my life, whatever. Whatever, you know, here is what I think we deal with a lot, and I was sharing with Sandy that I had the lovely opportunity last night to meet up with some former work colleagues. So much fun. But you know I was out past nine o'clock, which is I'm getting way too old to hang out with these people sometimes. But they're wonderful and it was such a treat to see everybody. But I'm exhausted today, wired and tired. How do we manage that wired and tired afternoon where we just were hitting a wall? Do you want to say what you actually called it this morning? Oh, I said I was dragging ass. Do you want to say what you actually called it this morning? Oh, I said I was dragging ass.

Sandy Abrams:

I was like what? I've never heard that before. But I get it, I get it, it works, it works. And yes, the wired and tired is definitely very common and again, breathwork helps for that in different ways. And so what I love about breath, again, is that it's customizable. So often I really like to release physical stress and tension before I will go into relaxation breath practices. So for Wired and Tired it might seem like sort of like a contradictory to do some really robust breath practices, but I really like that. So I might do.

Sandy Abrams:

First of all, I might just do some shaking of my hands, stomping of my feet, doing like lion's breath, which is when you close your eyes and then you take a deep inhale and on the exhale you shake out your hands, you stomp your eyes and then you take a deep inhale and on the exhale you shake out your hands, you stomp your feet, you stick out your tongue, you bulge open your eyes, you sort of roar like a lion that's why it's called lion's breath and you release physical stress and tension. So when you're feeling wired it helps to just release. So get that out first, or you can do a boosting breath practice if you find that it works for you. However, there is a contraindication to some of the boosting breath practices, like the really popular Wim Hof method, which is where you're taking really deep, fast breaths for like 25 or 30 times and then you do a long breath hold on the exhale and a shorter breath hold on the inhale. You can adapt that. But if you tend to have panic attacks or if you're pregnant, things like that, there are certain contraindications to the more extreme breath versions, especially the ones that involve hyperventilating or holding your breath.

Sandy Abrams:

So you find what works for you and if you're wired and tired and you get that physical out, the physical manifestations of stress, then I feel like the balancing breath is restorative and it's really nice to just sit up either on a chair or a couch and close your eyes and, for even just three minutes, do the balancing breath, that coherent breath of slowly inhaling to a count of about five, slowly exhaling to a count of about six, five or six, and then that's like it's also known as non-sleep deep rest, and it's like taking a mini nap.

Sandy Abrams:

And your body even though that was a calming and balancing exercise you actually restore everything, all of the vital systems in your mind and body. So when you open your eyes after three or five minutes, you feel completely rebalanced, reset, open mind, you have the space that's needed, you have that headspace for creativity, you don't have brain fog any longer and you feel so connected to yourself. So, yeah, so it starts with being self-aware of yeah, you know what I feel tired this morning, or I am wired and tired and then going to those practices that you know work for you. Maybe it is only slow breath, maybe it is boosting breath, maybe it's a combination. There's really no rules. You mix and match for what feels good in your body.

Michele Folan:

You know, it was probably three and a half years ago. Well, it was probably around the time you were on my podcast the first time and Dr Andrew Huberman, which we all know Huberman Labs he was talking about. Even at Stanford Medical Center, they had protocols, breath protocols for patients. I mean we've missed something here. I mean, you know, we haven't made this really mainstream and it really should be.

Sandy Abrams:

Yeah, that is really my mission for this career 2.0, because doctors don't talk about it. I mean, even you know you go for your annual physical exam and the doctor never asks how are you breathing? And how you're breathing is how you are. It is so indicative of your level of stress. And so these conversations are so important because, yeah, it is the fastest, most effective breath tool and Andrew Huberman's lab last year was the one that did that research on the physiological psi, and science is finally catching up with these breath practices that have been part of yoga and Eastern philosophies for thousands of years. But I think, because they haven't been peer-reviewed in the most elite scientific journals until now, that it's been sort of ignored. And so that physiological side that he talks about it's two parts on the inhale. So the first part of the inhale you fill your lungs almost three quarters of the way full, and then the second part you completely fill up, so the inhale sounds like this fill up. So the inhale sounds like this and then the exhale through the mouth, and his lab scientifically proved that that's the fastest breath to calm your nervous system. And I think the reason that breath is still underutilized is because it's just science really hasn't caught up and now it is. Now there are studies more about it, but it's really lacking in regard to women, hormones, menopause, perimenopause, menopause, post everything. And so there are some like.

Sandy Abrams:

I work with the Health and Human Performance Foundation, which is run by an incredible woman, Tanya Bentley. She's a PhD who studies breath and its effects on it, and she's around our age and I had asked her. I didn't know her and I reached out to her one time a few years ago and said what's with the power of breath for hormones? Because I really did have it pretty easy all the way through from perimenopause to where I am now and I said is there a relationship between the power of breath, which I've been practicing for over 30 years, and this hormonal balance or imbalance? And she said there's really a lack of that research.

Sandy Abrams:

And so now her health and Human Performance Foundation is working on that, and now you finally have people like Oprah and Maria Shriver and celebrities who are in their 60s and up finally talking about menopause and what we can do, and I feel like breath is definitely a modality that helps because, number one, when you have, say, you know, a hot flash at night, it triggers anxiety, or what if you have a hot flash and you're at a business function or you're in a meeting, or you're leading a meeting or you're speaking on stage or something and all of a sudden you just want to pull off your top and you get red and you're sweating Breath.

Sandy Abrams:

Again it can be used some calming breaths to signal your nervous system to not let it get blown out of proportion, and again you calm the nervous system, because how you feel in your nervous system is reflected in everything in the way that you speak, in the way that you act, in the way that you, everything. So again, just using those slower, mindful, relaxing and balancing breaths will help so that you don't get out of control the minute that hot flash happens, because it's usually not in the optimal place, it's not when you were just about to get in the shower and you know whatever it's like inconvenient.

Michele Folan:

You're by yourself.

Sandy Abrams:

It's like so that's a great time to just tap into breath and also, when you've been practicing for a little while, you you'll have that security of knowing this is okay, I can control it and you just. I mean, you know, maybe you can't control the level of sweat or heat that you feel, but you can control the nervous system and just be kind to yourself Can you define the difference between parasympathetic and sympathetic?

Sandy Abrams:

Yeah. So it's sort of like night and day. We need both in our lives. And the sympathetic nervous system, also known as fight or flight, is what gets us up in the morning or what keeps us safe from. In the olden days that was what kept us safe from the tiger or whatever. And the parasympathetic nervous system is also known as rest and digest. So one is activating, which is great. We need that. We need that in the morning to get up. We need that to be energized and to think clearly. The rest and digest, the parasympathetic now, is just a balancer now for our nervous systems, because we live in fight or flight mode and our nervous system is not built for that. That's what starts to trigger and for stress to build. So it's really important that you find the balance, just like night and day. It's really important to turn off, to sleep. That's where all the restoration happens in your brain and in your body. So it's just it's important for people to understand the balance. That sympathetic nervous system is not bad, and that's where I think that's sort of a myth that people think you know, oh, I can't live in that sympathetic nervous system because it's bad. It's not bad, but it's harmful if you're not balancing it with rest and digest and parasympathetic.

Sandy Abrams:

And I know you're such an advocate for physical fitness and for eating well, and so I just want to touch on where breath can help you with that. Getting into rest and digest, relaxation mode before you eat is really important. It makes such a difference. If you're eating while you're doing emails and your body's in fight or flight, you cannot absorb all the nutrients, you cannot digest well, and so many people don't realize why they don't really feel well after eating lunch and doing emails. That's why, and also, 70% of toxins leave the body through the breath, holy cow. So if you're not fully breathing well and optimizing your respiratory system, you're not fully using detoxification, which is big for metabolism too. And so, and with fitness, I was just reading Dr Peter Atiyah's book called Outlive. Have you read it?

Michele Folan:

No, but I love him.

Sandy Abrams:

Yeah, he's so good and it's the kind of book where I just sort of read little parts at once. Otherwise it's overwhelming because it's so big, but it's so informative. And recently I went back to this part that said that striving for physical wellness is meaningless if emotional health suffers, because emotional issues will decimate your health if they're not addressed. So it's true. It's like you focus so much on physical activity and eating the right things, but if you're not relieving stress and taking agency over your emotional issues, it's not working.

Michele Folan:

Yeah, I want to go back to something you said about eating and being, you know, dialed into your electronics or email or whatever, and I think this would be a good time for just a reminder to everyone and I am guilty of this, so this is a reminder for me as well. Right, but let's think about when you're eating lunch, because that's usually when we may be by ourselves is to sit down. Don't stand at the counter like I do 90% of the time for breakfast and lunch. Sit down, put the phone away, put the laptop away, read a magazine, read Sandy's book, breathe to Succeed, read Dr Atiyah's book. But I think that's a great practice to get into the habit of let your body take that moment to process your food, because if you are in a sympathetic state, then you're probably not getting everything out of that meal that you want, definitely.

Michele Folan:

The other thing that Sandy mentioned was is that we need the sympathetic as much as we need the parasympathetic, and we talk a lot about that with cortisol. Cortisol in itself is not bad. We need to have cortisol. It can go rogue. There are steps that we can take to manage that, just like we can managing our bodies in that sympathetic state, but you have to be aware and have those tools. So I think this is. I just love this.

Sandy Abrams:

Yeah, and I think, regarding the being mindful while you're eating, also think about it as being productive, the act of resting and actually looking at your food and enjoying what you actually took the time to buy and to make, or even if it was delivered whatever, you probably spent a decent amount of money on that lunch. So think of the time spent eating. Even if it's just 15 minutes and you make it mindful, you're being more productive during that time than emailing while you're eating. That is not productive, it's causing problems and that's another myth that I feel like midlife women mistake busyness for productivity, rest and being in that parasympathetic part of your nervous system, the rest and digest calming part. That's where the healing happens.

Sandy Abrams:

It is so productive to give yourself rest and so if we can shift that in our thought, then there will be no guilt of like yes, I'm going to read the paper or read a magazine, read People magazine, like whatever. Go to your guilty pleasures, turn on Netflix, watch Netflix, whatever it is, but just allow your mind to sort of just clear and sometimes just do nothing but look at your food or just feel how nourishing it can feel to rest and do nothing. Just look around, eat outside, look at nature. Sit close to a window and just observe nature. Close to a window and just observe nature, whatever it is. Think of that time resting time and slowing down and reconnecting to yourself as the most productive and nourishing thing you can often do.

Michele Folan:

Okay, Since we're on the food topic, this is a great segue, because one thing that I know women really struggle with are food cravings. It could be sugar, salty snacks, even alcohol. How can we incorporate breath into those moments when we're having those cravings?

Sandy Abrams:

Okay, hold on, I'm going to put away my chocolate and my tortilla chip. Hold on just a second, because, yes, I'm an emotional eater too, and so I think again, like with breathwork, it starts with self-awareness and it starts with just being more mindful, because the older I got, the more I realized I can't really get off track as often as I used to. And, yeah, the sugar cravings are real, and so it's an adjustment of noticing like, especially in the evenings for me, I used to always want something sweet, and now I've gotten into intermittent fasting, which has really helped me cut off my eating window earlier in the evening and I don't crave as much. It doesn't mean I don't crave it, but when I do, I do turn to breath and I also ask myself why am I craving that? And it's always emotional, it's comfort food. I just want to like get into a carb coma and just like numb myself out or whatever, and so I'll do the other things.

Sandy Abrams:

I also now just don't want to eat later at night because I'll gain weight so much easier. So I'll either go outside again, take a little bit of a walk, or I'll do the calming breath work, sort of talk myself off the ledge, and you just feel so much better the next morning that then you realize you can break the cycle. However, I also believe that self-care can look like a delicious salted chocolate chip cookie sometimes, and that's okay, as long as you don't eat it and then feel terrible after. Enjoy it, get a quality one, or make a quality something, a quality ice cream. These days you can really make all the dupes of ice cream or cookies using quality ingredients.

Michele Folan:

Yeah, and then enjoying that food and then moving on, yeah, and not feeling guilty because you had it right. Yeah, we call that evening snacking, we call that the pantry crawl, and at 9 pm you're like, and some of it's boredom, you know. But I think if you have some tools to breathe through those moments, you know it's the oh, the Chardonnay. Oh, there's a bottle of open Chardonnay in the fridge. I don't know why you use Chardonnay, because I don't even like Chardonnay, but that is an example all the time. But, yeah, I don. Yeah, I always want to think about okay, how will I feel the next day, will I be able to sleep, if I have this sugary something at 9 pm? But, yeah, having the breath work to kind of talk myself off the ledge, I think that's perfect.

Sandy Abrams:

It works. Yeah, it works. Talk myself off the ledge, I think that's perfect, it works, yeah. And again, I do believe in the indulging but knowing when it feels best. So like after the morning walk, what if you have like a breakfast type cookie then, rather than at 9 pm, when you know it's just going to sit and it will interrupt your sleep. So the more that you start to learn about your physiology and your biochemistry and what feels good when I think we make better choices as we are in the middle of this, you know the hormone change and stuff.

Michele Folan:

You know? One other thing, just a practical tip here. So oftentimes we have to have a tough conversation yeah, could be with your boss, your spouse, maybe it's your child, but I mean, you're not going to do lion's breath in someone's face. You're kidding, right Really? Wait a minute, kid, let me.

Sandy Abrams:

If you both did it, you know it's really helpful. Okay, If you both did it.

Michele Folan:

no, it's really helpful. Okay, but you know we may not think about it at the time when we're getting ready to have that conversation, because maybe it's spur of the moment. But what do you suggest to get yourself primed for a difficult?

Sandy Abrams:

talk.

Sandy Abrams:

It's such a great conversation and sometimes you might be the one that doesn't have time to prime right, like you're in a meeting and something is brought to your attention in front of a lot of people and, yeah, your, your nervous system immediately is triggered.

Sandy Abrams:

And so that's when you do the balancing breath of the five or six on the inhale, five or six on the exhale, and you just do it through your nose on the inhale and the exhale and also be comfortable in a silence, you don't have to immediately answer a question. That's addressed and you can just wait a second and take that breath and if people get uncomfortable with the weight that's on them, but even if it's just for you and it's a quick, like three, three breath, you're taking that few seconds to pause and give yourself permission to get into a state of mind where you can respond versus react. And it changes the game because, like as a as a mom, you know, I had two boys. I have two boys and when they were younger, their teenage years, I would sometimes just yell or say something that I regretted immediately after those words came out of my mouth oh, get in line.

Sandy Abrams:

Right. I mean, that's parenting, and so I feel like I learned to bite my tongue and to not respond Like when my son either one would say something that I found really shocking or surprising, that they would even admit to me or bring up and taking a minute to just be comfortable in that space in between, to bite my tongue and not immediately say like what are you talking about? Why did that happen? Why did you do this? And just try to set the tone for the conversation, because energy is contagious and if you're going to match the upset energy or that tone that might happen at a meeting, everything can just go downhill quickly.

Sandy Abrams:

So I suggest just doing the balancing or the down-regulating, those longer exhales, and then allowing yourself time to think about an answer before you respond and then continue to think and continue to breathe, and it's not like lion's breath, it's just the slow breath that starts at the belly. Get out of the shallow rapid chest breath Because again, that's just going to activate your nervous system and keep you in that state of fight or flight. When you breathe more slowly, you're also getting better blood flow to your brain. You can think better when you're in a relaxed state. You think more clearly when, fight or flight, you just want to leave. You want to run out that door, get out of that meeting, get away from the person. But that's what's important about taking agency over your nervous system.

Michele Folan:

Every time Sandy says take a deep breath. And I'm over here doing a deep breath, and I'm going to bet you, sure as God made green apples, that people listening to this podcast are doing the exact same thing. They're intentionally aware of their breath and how they are breathing in this very moment. So, I think sometimes it's just that little nudge to get you started on this extremely healthy practice, and I think for someone brand new, what do you think would be the first positive change that they're likely to notice if they just implement just a few good practices?

Sandy Abrams:

Feeling good, because with breath, you decide I want to breathe this way so that I feel this way. It's kind of like the food situation, right, you know when you grab ice cream it's because you want comfort, but you know you're not going to feel that great later. You know that if you're eating protein and leafy greens, you know you're going to feel sustainable energy. So you quickly influence your nervous system and you can feel more calm and balanced and grounded and centered. You can also boost your energy by changing breath and all of a sudden, you can also use a mindset tool, which I talk about in the book, which you can use a mantra. So if you need to feel more confident in a situation, use a mantra I am confident, I am ready, I am, I am, I am.

Sandy Abrams:

And when you tell yourself how you are and you use the balancing breath, the pairing of those two things together, and you create the embodied mindset and energy that you want, and then to me it's like addictive, because I want to feel a certain way throughout the day, and so I use those mantras, I use thoughts and I use those.

Sandy Abrams:

You know the the like telling myself um, I am confident, I'm determined, I can do it. I can like say kind things to yourself, like you would tell your child or your best friend, say that to yourself and, as I call it, like breathing and believing, and you breathe and you create the thoughts and you create the energy, and then watch. That leads to strategic action that you've otherwise maybe been afraid to take, or it leads to that conversation that was difficult or whatever, and it's just knowing that you have that human superpower within you to create the thoughts, the mood, the mindset, the energy that you need in any given moment, and the benefits are immediate. You will quickly feel better because you'll realize that you're in charge of how you feel, and how you feel is directly linked to how you feel.

Michele Folan:

Okay, this is so timely because yesterday I interviewed a woman who is at the heart of manifestation. Okay, and what you are saying is it's not just positive self-talk you are laying the groundwork for how your whole day will go. So you're tying in the breath with good things are going to happen today. You know. You sit there and you ask for things in your life, act as if you've already got them and tie that into your breath and see how much better your day goes.

Sandy Abrams:

It's magical. I can't wait to listen to that episode because you know, yeah, I'm into manifesting too, and breath is energy, it's your life force. And also I think my dad had told me something when I was young. That was like there's a quote I forget who it's attributed to, but it is. You can't afford the luxury of a negative thought. And that really hit me and resonated. And then recently I read a book called Don't Always Believe what you Think.

Sandy Abrams:

I read a book called Don't Always Believe what you Think. I think it was by Joseph Nguyen, but it's spelled N-G-U-Y-E-N and it's fabulous. It's a quick read and it talks about again the power of your thoughts and how they influence not just your day, but your week, your month, your years, your decades. It turns into who you are, and so so many people that I meet have had that inner dialogue. That's negative, it's just on loop for decades at this point.

Sandy Abrams:

But the good news is it is never too late to rewire that inner dialogue and to be kinder to yourself, and that's neuroplasticity. You can change that right now by noticing or thinking about oh yeah, I've been repeating I am not enough, I am not this, I am not that. For so long. Flip the script, Come up with a new mantra right now. That is I am Maybe it's three different things I am ABC and empower yourself with that, breathe into it, believe it, act like it. And then you start taking actions and all of a sudden, instead of one day thinking to yourself how did I get here? You're in a bad place, you think to yourself how did I get here? This is wonderful, yeah, this is all good stuff.

Michele Folan:

I hope people are going. Yes, yes, yes, right, yay, I'd love to know what your own daily breath routine looks like. Now I know, okay. So if you follow Sandy which I think you should she lives right on the beach, so she's out on the beach every day walking, so don't feel sorry for her, but I know she has a breath practice that she does do every day, so please share.

Sandy Abrams:

Yeah, I wake up in the morning and the first thing I do actually is TM Transcendental Meditation. So instead of even if I'm a little tired, instead of going back to sleep I love. The one thing I love about midlife is I get up so early, right, like that alarm clock goes off earlier that natural alarm clock, and I really love it. And so when I open my eyes in the morning, I sit up and I do 20 minutes of meditation and then my breath practice is the boosting, the Wim Hof method, and I adapt it. Sometimes I want to do 30 of the full, robust breaths, and then I do a long hold after the exhale and a short one on the inhale. I do three rounds of that and then I take a cold shower cold only, it's insane. My son was the one that got me into that. It's also part of Wim Hof philosophy. But you get that hit of dopamine. And then I head right out to nature to get outside, to walk and enjoy nature, and so while I'm walking, I also do sometimes I do listen to a podcast, but again, this is what I love about breath I can listen to a podcast, but again, this is what I love about breath I can listen to a podcast and I can also breathe, and so I'll do like humming breath, which is relaxing, and there's so much space on the beach Like nobody can hear me.

Sandy Abrams:

And so with humming breath, you inhale through the nose and then you make a humming, buzzing sound for the entire length of the exhale, like this, for the entire exhale. And humming breath, also known as bumblebee breath, is so powerful to relax and calm your nervous system Because I do like to balance from my boosting breath in the morning to doing more balancing breaths and relaxing breath. And also that humming it generates 15 times the nitric oxide in your nasal cavity and nitric oxide is a vasodilator, so the blood vessels open up, you get more blood flow to your brain while you're relaxing your nervous system, and so humming breath it's fun and I'll do that and also do some slower breath practices without even thinking about it honestly. And that's the beauty of just doing breath practice in small moments all day long, whenever you think about it and attaching it to those other things that you're already doing, then it just becomes second nature and again you'll tap into that energy that you like so much more often.

Sandy Abrams:

But yeah, I mean breath, it's in small moments for me all day long and I do like when I get in my car, I always take the first couple of minutes. When I walk to the restroom, when I walk to an errand in my neighborhood, I'm always using those moments to breathe and to think about what I'm thinking also, and just always recalibrating thoughts and breath and again it becomes so second nature that it's not like you said in the beginning. You're not like asking people to add an extra step, it just happens, yeah.

Michele Folan:

It becomes second nature. Yep, yeah, and I'll liken that to how I eat now, after having gone through the Faster Way program. I don't even think about it anymore. It's just how I approach food and it doesn't stress me out. It doesn't add another layer of complexity to my life. It's just the way I do things now. So I I like I love the fact that it this is something that anybody can do.

Sandy Abrams:

Anybody, and it is the same with Faster Ways. Your philosophy is about eating and exercising. You know that it's good for you and you know how good you feel after, and so you start to just make more better decisions than the other decisions. But again, sometimes if you don't feel like working out, it's okay, don't Go read the magazine, go sit outside with nature. It's okay to eat the treat, it's okay to not think about your breath. And then when you get back to those things, the healthy choices, you just feel 10 X better and so, yeah, everything becomes easier. So practical, so practical, sandy. Much better than the decisions we used to make back in college yeah.

Michele Folan:

So Sandy and I've known each other for 30, whatever, 35 years, 40 years. How long it's so 40, 35 years and plus? Are we, are we? Yeah, we are aren't. Oh, shoot, yeah, it is 40. Yeah, oh Lord. Oh, it's 40, plus years when I think about it.

Sandy Abrams:

Okay, All right, but that's good. We're still here, we're feeling good and making better decisions.

Michele Folan:

That's all Most days, except for last night, just staying out too late, yikes, but that's okay, that is, you know, being social and being around friends, right, that's part of it, it is. It's so important, yeah, that community is. Yeah, all right, sandy, where can people find Breathe to Succeed?

Sandy Abrams:

and find you, sandy Abrams, you can find Breathe to Succeed in any bookstore or you can ask your indie local bookstore, or it's on Amazon, of course, and you can find me on Instagram, where I'm always sharing daily little snippets of breath or just my philosophies about how to easily and seamlessly integrate small moments of mindful breath that are life-changing into your life. So Instagram is at Sandy Abrams S-A-N-D-Y-A-B-R-A-M-S, and I'm on LinkedIn as well, because I do a lot of corporate work, so share the same type things there, and that's it.

Michele Folan:

Yeah, sandy, thanks for being here. This is a lot of fun.

Sandy Abrams:

Thank you, Michele. I always love talking to you. Thank you and thank you for this podcast. It's a wealth of information that I always enjoy. It's just a thrill to be on it. Thank you.

Michele Folan:

Sandy, thank you for listening. Please rate and review the podcast where you listen and if you'd like to join the Asking for a Friend community, click on the link in the show notes to sign up for my weekly newsletter, where I share midlife wellness and fitness tips, insights, my favorite finds and recipes.