Asking for a Friend - Health, Fitness & Personal Growth Tips for Women in Midlife

Ep.159 Why She Gave Up Wine—and Gained a Global Movement - Sober Is the New Cool

• Michele Henning Folan • Episode 159

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What If Sober Was the New Cool? Breaking the Wine Culture Narrative with Kim Bellas

This episode of Asking for a Friend is sponsored by Better Help. https://betterhelp.com/askingforafriend

Is wine really the answer to midlife stress—or have we just been sold that story?

In this episode of Asking for a Friend, I sit down with Kim Bellas, founder of the global movement Sober is the New Cool, to talk about what happens when midlife women challenge the “mommy juice” narrative and rethink their relationship with alcohol.

At 52, Kim gave up wine—not because she had to, but because her son’s epilepsy meds meant he couldn’t drink. In a moment of clarity (wine glass in hand), she realized the message she was sending and committed to going sober for 3 months in solidarity.

That was 12 years ago.

What started as a short-term decision became a full-blown transformation—one that led to better sleep, stronger confidence, Fashion Week appearances (yes, really!), and a worldwide community of women just like her.

This conversation will speak to any woman who’s ever thought:

  • “I don’t have a problem, but maybe I drink more than I want to.”
  • “I’m curious what life would be like without wine.”
  • “I want to feel better, sleep better, and show up better—but without feeling judged.”

✨ Whether you’re sober-curious, alcohol-free, or simply sick of feeling like you need a drink to relax, this episode is your permission slip to explore something different.

🎧 Listen in—and let’s redefine what cool looks like in midlife.

You can find Sober is the New Cool at https://soberisthenewcool.ca/

Follow Kim Bellas at https://www.instagram.com/sober.is.the.new.cool/

Kim's favorite alcohol-free wines:
Leitz Eins Zwei Sparkling Rose
Prima Pave Sparkling

This episode is sponsored by Better Help. Get 10% off your first month of therapy at https://betterhelp.com/askingforafriend

 #SoberIsTheNewCool #MidlifeSobriety #SoberCurious #WomenOver50 #QuitDrinkingJourney #AlcoholFreeLife #MidlifeWellness 

_________________________________________
Are you ready to reclaim your midlife body and health? I went through my own personal journey through menopause, the struggle with midsection weight gain, and feeling run-down. Faster Way, a transformative six-week group program, set me on the path to sustainable change. I'd love to work with you! Let me help you reach your health and fitness goals.
https://www.fasterwaycoach.com/?aid=MicheleFolan

Have questions about Faster Way? Please email me at:
mfolanfasterway@gmail.com

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*Transcripts are done with AI and may not be perfectly accurate.

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Michele Folan:

Let's be honest, midlife can feel like a lot. Shifting roles, changing bodies, aging parents, and sometimes you just need a safe space to talk it all through. That's where therapy comes in. It's not a sign of weakness, it's an investment in your well-being and with BetterHelp, getting started is easier than ever. Better Help is entirely online, so it works with your schedule. You fill out a brief questionnaire and get matched with a licensed therapist in as little as 48 hours, and if it's not the right fit, you can switch. No awkward breakup required. Give yourself permission to feel better. Visit BetterHelpcom forward slash asking for a friend to get 10% off your first month of therapy. That's BetterHelpcom. Forward slash asking for a friend.

Michele Folan:

Health, wellness, fitness and everything in between. We're removing the taboo from what really matters in midlife. I'm your host, Michele Folan, and this is Asking for a Friend. Ladies, let's talk about something that's everywhere in midlife Wine nights, happy hours, mommy juice and the idea that we need a glass of something strong to unwind, fit in or take the edge off. But what if we've been sold a lie?

Michele Folan:

More women than ever are rethinking their relationship with alcohol, not because they hit rock bottom, but because they want to feel better energy, sleep, mental clarity, skin. Alcohol impacts all of it, and midlife is when we start noticing those effects big time. Meanwhile, the non-alcoholic beverage industry is booming, offering more choices than ever for those who want to cut back or go all in on sobriety. My guest today, Kim Bellas, founder of Sober, is the New Cool. Never expected to give up alcohol, but when her son was diagnosed with epilepsy and could no longer drink, she made a life-changing decision to quit drinking, in solidarity with him. What started as a personal choice became a movement, helping thousands of people redefine what it means to be social, confident and cool without alcohol. Kim Bellas, welcome to Asking for a Friend.

Kim Bellas:

Oh, thank you so much. I love everything you do. You're so much about wellness and I think the women are just so lucky to have you to look up to and be inspired, because it's truly magnificent, oh, kim.

Michele Folan:

I would say the exact same thing about you, and those are very kind words. Thank you, I just love everything you're doing. I want you first of all to tell the audience who you are, where you're from, like where you grew up, and then your family details. So my name is Kim.

Kim Bellas:

Bellas, I grew up in Montreal, canada. I had, you know, pretty perfect life. Looking in, you know, the white picket fence, you know everything was good. Childhood was good, you know it was just basically, you know, but those were the. I was born in 1961. So I'm 64 years old, so I'll start with that. So back then it was quite, you know, common that everybody was just, you know, very neighborly and everything was, you know, just kind of status quo, but saying that nobody really talked about problems or family issues.

Michele Folan:

Oh, no, right, You're correct. Yeah, and I will say this Kim, we grew up in a really great time.

Kim Bellas:

Yes, we did.

Michele Folan:

Yeah, but you're right about people. Just didn't talk about stuff, yeah.

Kim Bellas:

And you know, I think the time when we grew up, everybody was we weren't fearful of each other, we were very open. We were very open to one another. We were helpful. We I don't know, you know the doors were unlocked, people were running in and out of each other's homes and neighborhoods. There was none of this. You know problems that we have today, you know.

Michele Folan:

Yeah, and then how did you land in New York?

Kim Bellas:

No, I well, actually I'm still in Montreal right now.

Michele Folan:

Oh, you are.

Kim Bellas:

Yes, most of my events are actually done there, because I just found that the women who came into my life in the last 12 years were from the UK. That was my main gang first, and then it was the United States and Canada. I mean, I live here but we are far behind in the wellness industry.

Michele Folan:

We're just starting to catch up, I think, Okay, so interesting. And yeah. So I immediately thought, because you're in New York. All the time I thought you were living there, but you're not. We even talked before we recorded and I never made that connection so fascinating. So you find, with your organization, that you get a lot of support in that area.

Kim Bellas:

Well, no, I think that New York has just become like a hub where whenever I do an event, someone from California will come, someone from Minnesota comes, someone from Kansas comes. It kind of seems one. Everybody loves New York, Everybody wants to go to New York, so it's the perfect time for people to meet up.

Michele Folan:

Yeah, that's awesome and we'll dive into your events here in a second, but I do want you to take us back. Your son was diagnosed with epilepsy. How did that change everything for your family?

Kim Bellas:

Well, you know, in 2013, he was playing football five nights a week. He was, you know, and great at it, and that was his passion and his love, and you know. So, from one day to the next, he had a seizure and automatically the coaches, everybody just thought, oh, this is football related, right, because he was a big guy, he was. You know the hitting back and forth, and you know, we went back and forth the first little while with, oh, it was just a concussion.

Kim Bellas:

He still play football and, unfortunately, as time progressed, we realized in the beginning of 2013 that football would not be an option, sports would not be an option. Um, and our lives just turned upside down. You know, we went from, you know, being outside every night of the week almost, and him being social to me, being afraid for him to drive a bicycle because we never knew when the next seizure would come. And so, therefore, all of a sudden, we had all these different options and medication became the only option that would work for him and therefore, alcohol would never be part of his life.

Michele Folan:

Yeah, so did he have more recurring seizures.

Kim Bellas:

Oh yes, we ended up in the ambulance a few times because, as you know, boys will be boys and you know, I remember, actually at the hospital, one of the doctors saying well, you could have one or two drinks. I don't know any teenager that would have one or two and stop. So we went down that road a few times and finally we got the right medication. We were, like you know, about three, four months in no seizures, because the first year we had probably 11 seizures, okay, and so finally, after that, we kind of got settled and I said, Okay, you've got to get out, you've got to go back and see your friends and we've got to start living again somehow.

Kim Bellas:

And he called me after about half an hour 40 minutes that he had been out and say Mom, pick me up. And I'd pick him up. And the third time I said, okay, what's going on here? This is crazy, Matthew. And he said, mom, everybody drinks or smokes pot. I just don't fit in and I'm sitting there going oh, come on, you don't need alcohol or drugs to have fun. And as I said it, I had the biggest glass of red wine in my hand and it was like a truck hit me and I remember to this day how much I felt like such a huge hypocrite and at that minute I just thought okay, I'm going to stop for three months. I'm going to prove a point, as moms do, and say you know what? Look see, I'm right, I can do it, you don't need, I could still be fine without it. I'm right, I can do it, I could still be fine without it.

Michele Folan:

And it is 12 years later, I've never had another drink. That's amazing. I have to ask you, though, what was your relationship with alcohol prior to this conversation with Matthew?

Kim Bellas:

Well, listen, I drank wine every single night and now I realize, looking back way too much, and this you have to remember I was 52 years old, I had just finished menopause, because I had menopause early on. But you know, the sleeping was not great, you know, lack of energy, gaining weight, all that stuff was kind of mixed in the bag there and alcohol obviously didn't help me. And as soon as I stopped for him, because I loved him more than I loved myself, I really realized the energy I had. I was open to more things, I was more positive, I was starting to exercise more, I was eating better and it just was. And then Sobers, the new cool kind of got started.

Kim Bellas:

My sister made a logo, I made a trademark. Don't ask me why. He didn't want to talk about epilepsy, he didn't want to be the one that said he couldn't drink. And the first year when I did stop everywhere I went, people would say, oh, you never had a problem, just come here, have a drink with me, we won't tell. And I thought, wow, I'm 52. If people are saying that to me and I'm saying, no, I made a promise to my son, how's he going to manage? You know, it's just everywhere, and I guess we made a Facebook page, didn't know what we were doing, and it just took off. It just took off.

Michele Folan:

Yeah, you know. So when did you realize that sober is the new cool would be bigger than just your personal journey.

Kim Bellas:

You know, I think early on it was just kind of like I started getting these messages. Some mothers with kids with epilepsy how did I navigate that? And you know, you know social surroundings and then just moms in general saying well, did you drink after um homework time?

Kim Bellas:

I said yeah god, did I ever like? That was like oh, thank god, right, and cooking when I'd start dinner. You know that's the big one, right, and it was just. I think for me I was a habit. But looking back 12 years now, I just don't want to even have a sip because I never want to go back to that. I just don't.

Michele Folan:

Yeah, you feel that good.

Kim Bellas:

Yes, yeah, I feel great. I think the sobriety was just the tip of the iceberg. I mean, I've done things that never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined. The people who I've met around the world, the women that are so incredible and are helping other people's children even though they've lost a child of their own I mean, it's just what this has brought for me helping others. I just seem to be at the right place at the right time. And there's something so much bigger than me, because every time I want to give up and think, ok, I'm not doing enough. I, you know I'm not accomplishing enough. Something happens and whoops, I get back on the train and I'm okay, let's try this again, and you know.

Michele Folan:

You listen to the podcast, you might even see my reels on Instagram. Perhaps you've even clicked a link or two, but you still haven't made a move. You're still waiting for the right time to start. But here's the truth. There's no perfect time, but there is today, and if you're feeling stuck, low on energy and like your body isn't responding the way it used to, you are not alone. That's why I coach women through Faster Way. We start with the basics fueling your body with real food, building strength and finally learning how to support your metabolism instead of fighting it. No extremes, no restriction, just a smarter, proven approach for women over 50. If you're even a little curious, click the link in the show notes or shoot me an email. I'm happy to chat with no pressure, but maybe it's time to stop watching and start doing. Let's do this together.

Michele Folan:

So, kim, many midlife women struggle with wine culture. You know we talked about having a glass when you're cooking dinner, homework's finished and you want to have a glass of wine to relax. But it's also very ingrained in socializing and oftentimes it's kind of like you know, pictured as self-care. Yes, you know, have a glass of wine and relax. How do we start shifting that mindset? You know?

Kim Bellas:

I think for me anyways, a lot of, especially now. I find a lot of the young women are into yoga, and after yoga, instead of going for tea, they seem to go for wine. And so they've asked me this question and I, you and I don't really know what the answer is because it's everywhere. So to me, for me, it was easiest to be open and honest about no, I just don't drink, whether they were having wine or not. And I guess I used my son as an excuse and he used me as an excuse to get through those moments, and once I got tired of that, I just decided to own it.

Kim Bellas:

I love the way I feel. I want to make memories. I want to remember every conversation. I want to go home going what an evening, right, as opposed to that, oh, what part kind of you know sometimes, what did I say? I don't even know it's. What did I say or how did I say it, right, yeah, and I think that was the biggest thing for me. So now I'm very open and honest. Everywhere I go is just no, I don't drink, Because at first I used to say no, thank you. Oh, you don't want white wine? Okay, do you want red? No, thank you, so I was doing the no thank yous as opposed to no. I don't drink, but I do ask always for a club soda or a Perrier or San Pellegrino in a wine glass because I want to feel too that I'm part of, and I think once you do that, nobody really knows what's in your glass and nobody really cares, right?

Michele Folan:

Yeah, I agree with you there, and the festive glass is such a key thing. Yeah, you know, I can have a can of Spindrift and maybe throw just a little splash of cranberry juice in there and a lime, and it looks pretty in the glass and I don't feel like I'm missing out. And then I'm hydrated too, which is even better. What are some of the biggest myths about sobriety that you think hold people back from giving it a try?

Kim Bellas:

I think people think they're going to miss out on something, that they become boring. Well, let me tell you this that is the least thing that's going to happen in your world, because since I've stopped drinking, I've walked in Fashion Week at 62 years of age. I've met people from all over the world. I am able to communicate in a way that I was never able to communicate before because I was shy before. And I think that when I did do events or did you know things for cancer parties to raise money and stuff, I'd always have that wine, because everything had to be perfect and everything had to be, and I was so uptight and it's so much better without it for me now and it's so much better without it for me now, you know.

Michele Folan:

Yeah, and I think women often feel that pressure to drink at social events, right yeah, and you were talking about, you know, some of those ways that you say no without feeling awkward or left out, and I think, just building some strategy around that, you know. The other thing is, I think it's going in with a plan.

Kim Bellas:

Yes, absolutely.

Michele Folan:

Right. So you kind of, as you're getting ready to go out, you already have in your mind what you kind of play it forward, like what you're going to ask for to drink and what that looks like, and I think that makes you a little bit more accountable to sticking to your strategy.

Kim Bellas:

And I think if I'm going to people's homes many times, you know what? My husband still drinks wine, so we'll bring wine or whatever. But I bring things for me, whether it's San Pellegrino, whether it's a non-alcoholic wine or a bubbly. There are so many options now for people, so I bring my own, because that way I know I've got my backup plan already set.

Michele Folan:

Yeah, do you have a favorite? Do you have a favorite brand or anything that you want to share? I do.

Kim Bellas:

Well, actually I have two right now, because I was, I loved rosé and I loved champagne. So there's Prima Pave from Italy and they are now. They distribute everything out of California. They are their rosé is. People have had it at my home and can't tell the difference.

Michele Folan:

Really? Is it a sparkling?

Kim Bellas:

Rosé Sparkling, and it is phenomenal. And there's another one, Eins Zwei, which they have a rosé it's not a champagne though, it's just a sparkling rosé and that also is absolutely phenomenal. So, you know, I do try to do it on special occasions, and not always because there is a sugar content, which you know we all try to. You are the queen of that and how to avoid that, right?

Michele Folan:

Yeah, we'll have to put those suggestions in the show notes. So remind me to do that. When we get off the call here, we get off the call here. So, besides just feeling better, were there any other unexpected benefits that you experienced?

Kim Bellas:

after quitting alcohol. Well, I never expected any of this to happen. I never expected to meet people all over the world. I never expected like, for example, I have two beautiful sons. I never had any daughters, always wanted to.

Kim Bellas:

I was fortunate enough to meet a young lady by the name of Natty, from London, England, and she's been in my life for the last eight years. Unfortunately, she lost her life last year in March. But out of eight billion people in this world, she asked me to do a matching tattoo, which is the infinity sign, with a white heart and a pink heart. So we did a WhatsApp her in London, England, me in Montreal, Canada. We did a matching tattoo.

Kim Bellas:

We spoke to each other every day. She spoke with my family, with my kids, with my mother. She really became part of our lives and I wouldn't trade a minute of you know, and unfortunately part of our world with mental health and addiction. We do lose people, but she was a gift and I truly believe she's my angel in heaven that keeps me going every single day and you know, she brought so much to my life. She really did, she was, she was like you know, she sparkled like nobody else and you know, with her. I think that just opened me up. I guess because of my age, people didn't see me as their mother. They me more as a friend so I could be completely honest with them and they wouldn't get quite so mad at me when I would. But I think I was the safe place for these people to fall, and still am, and I think that has given me more than I give to them well, first of all, I'm so very sorry for your loss.

Michele Folan:

It had to be incredibly difficult, but I do believe that she is up there cheering you on. I would love to know, you know, an inspiring transformation that you've seen with someone, that you've been connected. Oh my God there's so many.

Kim Bellas:

I have one woman who five years ago contacted me right around Christmas time and I do sell merchandise, but that is not a moneymaker, that's just for people to wear as a sign of, you know, pride. And so this woman reaches out to me and asks me can I send you, can you send me a t-shirt? I said sure, some women like to for me to post about them and tell their story, others don't. She sent me a picture and she said please don't post. I said okay, no problem, that was it Christmas Eve that year, somehow 4.30, I looked at my phone and there's a message from her saying my grandkids just came in and said they want you to post my picture because I'm wearing Sober's the New Cool t-shirt on Christmas Eve because they said they got their grandmother back.

Kim Bellas:

She stopped drinking at 80 years old. She is 85 now and she's five years. I'm crying and that I mean I cannot make up the stuff of the people that I have met, that their lives have not only transformed mine but like, one woman from South Africa contacted me about her son and I said, oh, wow, I don't. Oh, I said I don't think I know anybody and then I thought, oh yes, there's a young man that I met, that's. I don't know how far he is, let me text him while I'm talking to you.

Kim Bellas:

And, sure enough, it took three tries, but her son now is sober, with the help of this other young man. I mean, I'm in Canada, they're in South Africa. There to me, I think it's the power of one that's really made me realize that for some reason, I'm able to find something for somebody else, and then they find it for somebody else, and it's's just become this, this wave of of, you know, people helping one another and and being there for one another. And I think that that's the most important thing out of all this that nobody's perfect.

Michele Folan:

Nobody's perfect. We all make mistakes.

Kim Bellas:

So don't not worry, it's like a diet, it's like no matter what else you're doing in your life. You know, just come on back. There's no judgment, because I've not walked in your shoes, so how can I judge you right?

Michele Folan:

Right, but you're building this international community. I mean, the support is really amazing, but I have to give you a ton of credit in this because you are the most nurturing, caring, genuine person. So you are the connector of this community and you bring that empathy to the table that people are looking for. Just like you said, we're all human. We make mistakes. So what do you say to someone who feels like they failed because they drank after trying to quit?

Kim Bellas:

You know, sometimes I listen more than.

Kim Bellas:

I say anything a lot of the times, you know, because I think that there's so much sadness and almost everyone who I've met along this journey, whether they've lost a child or they've suffered, it all has to stem from mental health and I think it's a lack of like myself, not feeling good enough, not feeling like I should have been.

Kim Bellas:

This, I should have done that, and that's where I think that I start with trying to do this.

Kim Bellas:

I am exercise with them where I send one positive word in the morning, after I am, and one at the evening, because I think, if you get up to a positive word and you end your day looking at something, because I think we forget all the qualities we have, and I think that's where it has to start to rebuild that way for people to know that, hey, you know what I'm artistic, or I'm sporty, or you know, we have this conception of what being successful is, when, in reality, all the things I thought I should have been in my life, no, this is who I am and I don't want anybody to wait till they're 64 to realize they're good enough, just who they are right now. Yeah, so that's where I start to try and build their them up, find people in their community, because AA is not for everybody. But to me, the more things that people can try and do to set themselves up for success exercise, eating right there's books, there's podcasts, and it's not just about sobriety, For me, it's about wellness. That's really my goal here?

Michele Folan:

Yeah, just overall wellness. Yes, how has this journey changed your relationship with your family and friends? Oh, my God.

Kim Bellas:

Well, I think I'm lucky in the way that I wasn't one of those people that had lost a lot of people in my life because I stopped drinking, because some people do, and that I think is unfortunate. But then I think that's where you realize who your friends are and who your friends aren't Certainly Right. This has given me a sense of purpose, my kids and I. I think the biggest thing it's brought them is that they know when I say I'm going to do something, I mean it Because I said I would stop drinking for three months and I it and I carried on, and they're extremely proud of what happened at a kitchen island you know somebody at 52 that knew nothing about the internet or or Facebook or Instagram and to have created something where people you know know our international recovery walk, our international recovery walk this year we had 30 countries walking virtually with us.

Kim Bellas:

So we are creating something where it doesn't matter where you are in the world, because I think the most important thing is connection and as long as you find people to help you grow and you can help them, I think and I, my kids, really love what I do. They, they, they loved my nanny. They, you know, she was like a sister to them and, um, you know, they love the, the fact that I've really stuck to what I said I was going to do and I keep going and I keep trying. And I'm a one-woman show and it's been hard, it still is, but I keep going somehow. So I think for them, and especially my son Matthew I think it made him realize just about anything is possible.

Michele Folan:

Absolutely, and so you have this international walk. Yeah, tell me a little bit more about some of the other. Sober is the New Cool events that you do.

Kim Bellas:

So the first one is the international walk, which our government has recognized as International Recovery Day in September, so the rest of the world can walk with us, no matter where they are, which is fantastic. We have the white party that's in New York City this year it will be May 16th and women come from all over this year. We have I don't know how many different states in the United States that women are coming from and we meet and it's a White Party and basically means everybody just wears white and it's incredible because everyone tells their story, but it's a safe place and it's like everyone's talking about the sunshine when they're talking about mental health or their addiction or the problems they've had, and it's just the connections and the friendships that are made. And we have women from 20 years of age up to 75. You know like it's.

Kim Bellas:

And this year we're really lucky. We have some great, great sponsors. We have um peace and love jewelry by nancy davis. She's an incredible woman that lost her son. We have prima pavé, that's going to send something. We have a woman who's I can't tell all the little secrets because the gift bag is just so incredible. They they're going to be so spoiled this year, which is how fun the women, are it really?

Kim Bellas:

is the gift bag they're going to get is really incredible. The following day we will take a walk, weather permitting, but we take a walk in Central Park and there's this one woman in New York that was is in recovery and she now has famous cookie stores all over New York and she features on Shark Tank, but she came from living underneath a bridge, so we are going to go meet her. As part of our, we're going to go to another place called Big Vision in New York to see their new center that they've opened, because I think that's part of it, because we never know who knows who or who needs what, so I just try and keep, and so the, the two-day event is kind of just a safe place for people to share and then our walk and then the rest of it is just. You know, whatever I do fashion week, I'm asked to walk in Fashion Week with someone called Alexandra Nieman, which she's a Hello Lady cat, which is part of the Sober Curator.

Kim Bellas:

They do a fashion show that is inclusive to all, which means if you're 64 and not 100 pounds, if you are whatever gender doesn't matter, if you are tall, if you are small, if you are slim, if you're not different, you know. It's just different nationalities, different ways, and it's a beautiful way to show the fashion industry that you don't need drugs and alcohol to have fun. They're trying to pass a law there called Daniel's Law for Mental Health. Basically, you know what all these things I do? I don't seem to say no to much.

Michele Folan:

You have the energy, and that's the beautiful thing is you're this you know energetic, stunning 64-year-old woman that still has stuff to do right, oh God, yeah.

Kim Bellas:

And I think the most important thing I'm trying to get across now is I've got lots of energy, but I need others to come on board and take over, because you know, that's where the younger generation, you know, it's kind of like when I when I don't know if you remember, but for me drinking and driving, you know, was not so long ago. People did it, and now the kids don't. They take ubers, they take taxis, you know, and I think we're, you know, which is good for everybody.

Michele Folan:

You know they should be drinking and driving so.

Kim Bellas:

I think that the shift is happening in the wellness shift of for mental health and everything else, and being there for one another and caring for one another, I think has to come back and I think this is part of it.

Michele Folan:

Yeah, it's such a great story. If someone listening right now is super curious but not 100% ready to commit, what small step would you say they should take today?

Kim Bellas:

Well, you know a lot of people do like sober January dry, dry July, sober, October.

Kim Bellas:

A lot of people start on something like that or they decide it's kind of like what you're showing people how to eat well and whatever, and it can incorporate taking out the alcohol part of it just for that part, just to get, get you know, weight off or whatever, and see how they feel, see how they're sleeping, see how their energy is, and go from there. And I mean I think that it's one day at a time. You don't have to look at it and say I'm never going to drink again. I never thought that was going to be me and I can never say never. I just know that it's 12 years later and I'm at a better place than I was then and I want to keep getting better, as opposed to not. Right.

Michele Folan:

Yeah, so inspiring. So how can we better support loved ones who are trying to cut back or quit drinking better?

Kim Bellas:

support loved ones who are trying to cut back or quit drinking. Well, that's, you know. I know that there's a lot of people that say tough love. I'm not a huge advocate for that, because I do understand that the first drink is their choice, but after that it's not. So there's a very fine line and I think that sometimes we have to sit in silence and not give too much advice and just try and listen.

Kim Bellas:

And I really think if people just took a few minutes to realize that there's something bigger than the drinking that's there, there's a sadness, there's something where people feel they need to get filled, there's something lacking in them, and I think if we just kind of step back and just try not to be judgmental and it's hard. It's hard especially when you get frustrated and you think why can't you just do this? Well, I met some people that I said tell people to put their phone away for a week, let's see how well they do, because it's the same kind of thing and it's hard. It's hard and just because it doesn't work the first time, please never give up, because there's always hope. There's always hope. I've seen people that I never thought, or they never thought, would be able to make it, and whether they found God or whether they found exercise or whether they found something, they have found it. So we just keep trying until we get it right.

Michele Folan:

Yeah, and it's you know, we have more data now on that health effects, long-term cancers, you know all of that. So, aside from the aesthetic reasons to give up alcohol our weight, our skin, sleep, which reflects in everything we do, you know, I think for those reasons alone it's been pretty motivating for people like me to say okay, and I told you this when we first talked. I said you know, I still have an occasional cocktail, but it's, you know, I don't do the, you know, half a bottle of wine every night any longer. And you know it's been life changing. It really has.

Kim Bellas:

And I think that's like the first step. Right Is just because you just try it, you see right, you just try and see.

Michele Folan:

Yeah, you do. And then I would love to know, just from a personal perspective, what is one of your important self-care non negotiables.

Kim Bellas:

Okay, I think the biggest thing is negativity. I do not like to surround myself with anyone that's negative, and by that I don't mean somebody that's drank again or had a slip with alcohol or drugs. That's not what I mean. I mean someone that always sees the negative part instead of saying, okay, how do we move forward? That, to me, is imperative in my life. I need to surround myself with people that see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Michele Folan:

Okay, yeah, I love that. That's really nice and I can tell I can tell that would be important to you, because I love your inspiring posts on Instagram. They just really make you feel so good. Your message is always one of love and hope and I have to think that that keeps people buoyed in your community. Where can people find you and learn more about? Sober is the New Cool.

Kim Bellas:

So we have a website, soberisthenewcool. ca, and the best place actually is Instagram. We have, you know, we're on Facebook, we're on Instagram, we're on YouTube, but basically Instagram is the best place. I will get back to you very soon. I do a pretty good job of catching up and making sure everybody and I'm lucky I have women around the world that call themselves Sobers the new cool ambassadors now where the main concern is their kindness and helping others, and, whether it's going for a coffee, go for a walk, do you know? Do an exercise, challenge, whatever it is, because a lot of them do that and we send out these little white hearts. That's part of the White Heart Initiative so people know that they are seen, heard, loved and never judged.

Michele Folan:

Yeah, great message, Kim Bellss. This was so nice to see you again and thank you for being a guest today on the show. Thank you for having me. Hey, thanks for tuning in. Please rate and review the show where you listen to the podcast. And did you know that asking for a friend is available now to listen on youtube? You can subscribe to the podcast there as well. Your support is appreciated and it helps others find the show. Thank you.