Asking for a Friend - Health, Fitness & Personal Growth Tips for Women in Midlife

Ep.152 Sober Curious After 50? Why Midlife Women Are Ditching the Drink

• Michele Henning Folan • Episode 152

Share episode

What if that evening glass of wine isn’t helping you relax—but actually holding you back?

In this honest and eye-opening episode, I sit down with Heather Lowe, founder of Ditch the Drink, to talk about her personal journey of quitting alcohol at age 42 after nearly three decades of what most would call “normal” drinking. From beer tents in Wisconsin to corporate happy hours and suburban wine nights, Heather’s relationship with alcohol looked like everyone else’s—until it didn’t.

After years of feeling anxious, tired, and stuck, Heather realized alcohol wasn’t the solution anymore—it had become the problem. And letting it go didn’t mean giving something up—it meant getting herself back.

Now a coach helping others rethink their relationship with alcohol, Heather shares the real reasons so many midlife women are quietly struggling: the stress, the pressure to hold it all together, and the fear of what it means to quit. But as she puts it: “Alcohol is self-abandonment. It's putting a liquid wall between what we really feel and what we think we’re supposed to feel.”

This episode is for anyone who’s ever wondered, “Is this really serving me anymore?” It’s not about labels or extremes—it’s about tuning in to what your body and mind truly need to thrive in your second act.

🎧 Listen now and download Heather’s free guide at DitchTheDrink.com
📲 Connect with her on Instagram, LinkedIn, and Facebook @ditchthedrink

Heather Lowe's Curated NA Wine List - https://docs.google.com/document/d/1CCb48zl3ScA7mVflb29OW-gdnpFYYy8LHvx4xNB4mnk/edit?usp=sharing


Send us a text

_________________________________________
Are you ready to reclaim your midlife body and health? I went through my own personal journey through menopause, the struggle with midsection weight gain, and feeling rundown. Faster Way, a transformative six-week group program, set me on the path to sustainable change. I'd love to work with you! Let me help you reach your health and fitness goals.
https://www.fasterwaycoach.com/?aid=MicheleFolan

Have questions about Faster Way? Feel free to reach out.
mfolanfasterway@gmail.com

Follow Asking for a Friend on Social media outlets:
https://www.instagram.com/askingforafriend_pod/
https://www.facebook.com/askforafriendpod/

Please provide a review and share. This helps us grow!
https://lovethepodcast.com/AFAF

*Transcripts are done with AI and may not be perfectly accurate.

**This podcast is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of medicine, nursing, or other professional healthcare services, including the giving of medical advice. The content of this podcast is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Users should not disregard or delay in obtaining medical advice for any medical condition they may have and should seek the assistance of their healthcare professionals for any such conditions.

Michele Folan:

For so many women, drinking isn't just about the drink. It's woven into our social lives, our routines and even our identity. Whether it's a glass of wine at book club, cocktails with friends or a way to unwind after a long day, alcohol often feels like a normal or even necessary part of life. But what happens when it starts to feel less like a treat and more like something you rely on? When you start questioning if it's actually adding to your life or quietly taking something away Health, wellness, fitness and everything in between? We're removing the taboo from what really matters in midlife. I'm your host, Michele Folan, and this is Asking for a Friend. Welcome to the show everyone.

Michele Folan:

In this episode, I'm joined by Heather Lowe. She's a certified sober coach and founder of Ditch the Drink, and we're going to talk about what happens when we step back and re-examine our relationship with alcohol. Heather shares her personal journey, the unexpected ways sobriety transformed her life, and how women in midlife can make changes that feel right for them, without pressure, shame or rigid rules. If you've ever wondered what life could look like with less or no alcohol, this conversation is full of insight, encouragement and real talk. Heather Lowe, welcome to Asking for a Friend.

Heather Lowe:

Thank you so much. I'm just sitting there smiling as you're saying that, because of course I'm nodding in agreement, because it's what I do. But I love how you said re-examine your relationship with alcohol. And that is what it is. It's evaluating the relationship, so it's a place of curiosity and discovery, without making decisions about what you want to do for the rest of your life or having to know all the answers before you begin. So I think that place of exploring, examining, evaluating is such an important key and I appreciate you saying that right up front.

Michele Folan:

Yeah, because I think you know so many people approach this topic as it's all or nothing and I have to make a decision today instead of really going through the thoughtful process of looking at your life as a whole and how all the pieces kind of interact. So we'll talk a little bit more about this, because this is I love this conversation. Heather's been on the show before and I think, with all the talk about alcohol and health, particularly in midlife women, I don't want to feel like I'm like beating the drum and I'm putting my stake in the ground on this topic. I want to make sure I am bringing listeners the resources and tools they need to make a smart decision for them. So I feel like I need to say that, because we've covered this topic a lot, but different aspects of it. So I love what Heather brings to the table. But before we get started, tell the audience a little bit more about you?

Heather Lowe:

Yeah, awesome, Thank you. I do want to mention I just was doing a little Instagram scroll before I got on here and Oprah Daily is saying all these things about how alcohol affects the menopausal time and such. So you're not alone. It's coming out more and more in the news. Society is getting more curious Alcohol is. It's a little bit like having like a cigarette moment, where people are starting to see and research is changing and who's funding the research is changing to show the facts and the science and the effects. So you're doing your job I mean as a fitness and nutrition coach, sharing the information and the most updated information as part of the job. So thank you for saying that. Yeah, yeah, so, but it's a topic that can be a little bit polarizing and like nobody wants anyone to take anything away from them. I certainly didn't.

Heather Lowe:

So my background is I grew up in Wisconsin. My parents met in a beer tent. I met my husband in a bar in college. Right, Drinking was just par for the course. I drank through high school. I drank through college. I moved to Chicago.

Heather Lowe:

Then I was a young urban professional drinking better drinks and better places at concerts and sporting events and dinners and things like that. I had a professional career in HR. I was a salesperson and I was often the only female on all male sales teams drinking like part of the boys club drinking to close deals, getting access to decision makers, at networking events and such where I might not in the office. So drinking was a big part of my life. I had quit drinking when I got pregnant. When the babies were born, I started drinking a little bit of wine in the afternoon. It felt very European, very normal, very grown up, like I was playing house with my little new little babies. Right yeah, it didn't always look problematic, is what I want to say. Most, I drank for 30 years. I had a drink when I was 12, which sounds really young to me right now, but this was like the 80s, 90s in Wisconsin. It was sort of like normal.

Michele Folan:

We did the same thing Heather Way back when, right yeah.

Heather Lowe:

And then I quit for the last time when I was 42. So I had a 30-year drinking career and most of it looked really normal. My tolerance did increase over the years and it was when I was hit with a lot of unexpected and unordered deaths in a row that things started to crumble. I was in a job that I wasn't happy with. It's just drinking that had been the glue to hold me together, it seemed, which was the solution maybe to my problems and my anxiety. To just have a little drink, take the edge off, have fun, relax.

Heather Lowe:

Drinking started to become the problem. Drinking started to make me weak and confused and more depressed and more anxious, and I started to rely on it more than ever before. It kind of turned more like self-medication, like I wasn't drinking with my friends. I was putting my kids to bed and drinking on the couch, sat alone, yeah, and needing a certain amount each night just to put myself out Right. I needed it to fall asleep. I wanted to have a drink before I got to the social event, a drink before the drink. So it just started to become so important to me. So that's kind of my background, but I was terrified of calling myself an alcoholic, and it seemed like the first step is admitting you have a problem. And with alcohol, if you admit you have a problem, you're an alcoholic. You're an alcoholic if you quit drinking, not if you keep drinking. And I didn't want to be an alcoholic so I kept drinking.

Michele Folan:

Oh, the wicked games we play with ourselves, right, totally. You know, and I've said this a million times again, my listeners just tune me out, but you can quit smoking. And everybody like, yay, good for you, woo, but you quit drinking. And people are like, oh, did you have a problem?

Heather Lowe:

Yeah, I'm like what the hell was that? I didn't want that. I didn't want that, so I just kept drinking.

Heather Lowe:

Then I thought I'm going to manage my drinking and I would guess a lot of your listeners are here Like secretly on the inside they might be afraid that they're drinking too much or they're going to alcohol a little more than they'd like, and I think the question they're probably asking themselves is is it that bad? Is it that bad that I have to quit? Because that's the question I asked myself. And mostly it wasn't that bad in a lot of ways because I was excelling in my career, I was taking care of my kids, I was not driving drunk, I was getting up and making lunches every day, I wasn't calling in sick to work.

Heather Lowe:

So from the outside everything looked fine, but on the inside I was having a real conflict because I was waking up miserable. I physically felt bad. I was so ashamed and I was scared because I knew something was wrong, but I didn't know what to replace it with because I had relied on alcohol for so long and I think, like a toddler who doesn't have coping skills with their feelings, like alcohol had been my only coping one of few and my favorite coping skill my whole life. It was a sunny day drink on the patio. It's a snow day drink in front of the fireplace. Right Like things are going good, let's celebrate with a drink. We're having a terrible day, let's celebrate with a drink. So I didn't know any other way to self-soothe.

Michele Folan:

You talk about relaxation and then the social aspects or coping with stress and anxiety, but then there's just the habit.

Heather Lowe:

Yeah.

Michele Folan:

It's the come home from work, or, like in my case it was let's make dinner and pour yourself a glass of wine, because that was, it's more fun to make dinner with a glass of wine. I always called it.

Heather Lowe:

It was the theater of cooking, right yeah, and the transition, also the ritual and the transition from one thing to the next. To have this ritual, and I was afraid I wouldn't be able to cook. I like to cook and I like to cook with my music and my wine, right. And so how was I going to do that without it felt kind of naked? There is the habit, but there's also the idea that we give alcohol, that if we pour this in this glass, it's permission to relax, it's permission to enjoy making dinner, it's permission to give ourselves a little treat or something. So we're attaching all these feelings to this drink.

Michele Folan:

Yeah. So what led to you finally saying I'm done? Did you have a rock bottom, or was it one of those things where you just said enough?

Heather Lowe:

things where you just said enough, yeah, it really didn't happen either way. First I was secretly exploring online, looking for blogs, wondering if I had a problem or not, looking for other people. I had to quit. I wanted to find somebody that looked like me a professional woman and it was pretty hard to find. And I wanted somebody who spoke honestly, like, who hadn't crashed a car or been in jail or got a diagnosis from their doctor. I just wanted to find somebody like me and it was really really hard to find. But eventually I found somebody, belle from, tired of Thinking About Drinking, that had a 100-day challenge, and I thought, oh, I'll do this. So I did. And I got to 70 days and I thought that meant if I could quit drinking, I didn't really have to quit drinking because there was just proof that it was no problem. After 70 days I was pretty sure I was cured.

Heather Lowe:

Perfect Reset, put this in the background. Now I can drink like a normal person, moving forward. Well, of course, that didn't happen. So I had three years of that on off drinking and I encourage this. I encourage this for your listeners Take a break and see how hard that is for you, see what comes up for you See where the challenges are, see what really triggers you See where you want it, see how easy it is, see how hard it is. You're just gathering information and feedback without committing to forever. So I did that for three years.

Heather Lowe:

A rock bottom. I don't know what that means exactly. Some people have a very obvious one. Some people say it's the place where you stop digging, and I feel like it was more like that for me, like I had a lot of mini bottoms maybe, but I just think waking up miserable every day is just not good enough. So is it that bad, isn't the question? The question is more like is this serving me to be the best? Is this aligned? Is this getting in the way of the things I want that are not alcohol?

Heather Lowe:

And I was not in a place in my marriage that felt good to me. I wasn't being the parent I wanted to be. I wasn't in the right career for me, even though I was successful at it. So it was a change of questions and a lot of mini lows, and I was very, very miserable at the end. I was confused, alcohol was starting to take me and I knew that I had an opportunity to turn it around, but if I continued on the path I was on, it wasn't going to be there. There was devastating consequences right around the corner for me. I knew it and I'm so grateful. I'll never know what those are because I quit before that happened.

Michele Folan:

Yeah, and you and I have talked about this before, and I had similar experience coming out of COVID where I was like I want better for myself, I want to feel better, this inflammation and the feeling blah the next day, and then you know, I'm in perimenopause. At the time I'm already feeling anxiety and it was just it was making that worse. And so I totally hear you on this one, and you often say that sobriety is about gaining more, not losing something. What, for you, has been the most unexpected gift of going alcohol-free been the most unexpected gift of going alcohol-free.

Heather Lowe:

Oh my gosh, I couldn't name just one, so I know we have a limited time on this podcast. No, you're fine. My confidence, first of all, self-love and the relationship with myself. When you are punching yourself in the face with a hangover every morning and feeling that guilt and shame and it's alcohol that's the problem, not you. Just let me remind you alcohol the after effects of detoxing is a spike in anxiety, so of course you're anxious, of course you have that hangover anxiety. Alcohol is also a depressant, so of course you're not feeling good and happy in your life because you're pouring a depressant on yourself, even in very moderate amounts, even just as you're making dinner. I think that that's the surprising thing about alcohol is the big effects that it has scientifically on your brain, on your body, on your nervous system, even in moderate amounts. We're not talking about somebody who's drinking a ton. Even in very moderate amounts. It's bringing you down even a little bit.

Heather Lowe:

So the confidence and the self-love was my favorite thing. Going to bed at night and feeling proud of myself keeping my promises, waking up and feeling good that was just an immediate happiness, self-surprise. Dopamine hit to me from me with love. But as it continued, I'm having more fun. And I was a party girl. I love to drink. I mean, I was the first one to bring the drinks right. So to say that like a concert is more fun, a sporting event is more fun, a party is more fun without alcohol, I mean you got to try it to believe it, because it's not at first. At first it just kind of sucks right, but eventually you get used to it and you can show up with your full energy, full self. So I'm having more fun.

Heather Lowe:

Travel sober travel is the best. You don't need a vacation from your vacation. You're fully awake and alive for that whole experience. You're not wasting any time laying in bed or being a little bit foggy or buzzed. You know wasting your time at the swim up bar when you could actually be going to see the whales, right. So sober travel has been a great surprise. My career, I mean really I'm aligned with what I've always been meant to do.

Heather Lowe:

My degree is in social work and I jumped ship on that pretty fast, went to HR, wanted to make money, wanted to save the world in the way I wanted to, but this really feels like return to self. And I have this, I get to create right. So I have this sense of purpose and wonder every morning when I wake up. And even though I did okay in my jobs, I was dragging myself to work.

Michele Folan:

Heather, we're going to take a quick break and when we come back I want to talk about the impact on your relationships and also your social life. Skipping breakfast or grabbing a protein bar, a salad for lunch, an okay dinner, and you wonder why you're not losing weight. Listen, I get it. You're trying to be good, but midlife metabolism doesn't work that way. Eating less isn't the answer. Eating right is. In my six-week midlife reset, I'll show you how to fuel your body for fat loss without starving yourself. Train in a way that actually reshapes your body and finally break free from the cycle of frustration. But you have to take that first step. Doors close soon, don't wait. Click the link in the show notes and let's get to work. All right, we are back. How did your decision to quit drinking affect your friendships and social circles? Were there any relationships that changed?

Heather Lowe:

Yeah, absolutely. That's such a good question. It's kind of a tough one because all my relationships changed, because I changed. So I describe it like a family. Systems theory is it's like a mobile above a baby's crib and all the little animals are there and when one animal pulls down it shifts the equilibrium. All the animals have to start to shift to find a new equilibrium I love that analogy yeah.

Heather Lowe:

So the thing I wanted when I quit drinking on on my last day one, I just desperately wanted every single thing in my life to stay the same and that I would just be over here quitting drinking on the side. Nobody looked, nobody noticed me, pay no attention. Nothing's going to change. I'm just going to quit drinking and that's not the way it works. You quit drinking and you start to change. You change in the process and you're a different person on day one, day 30, day 60, day 5,022, right. So when you change, your relationships have to change, and most of it has been really beautiful.

Heather Lowe:

I got more honest with myself. I've learned boundaries, I've addressed some codependency, people-pleasing issues that I've had. I'm not only what I would say is like recovering from alcohol. I'm recovering from all these patterns and habits that I've had my whole life right, that haven't been, that were just modes of protection, probably, and now I'm able to address everything. So my relationships change, mostly for the better.

Heather Lowe:

On my first, first, last day one, I took my drinking friends aside one by one and apologized that I had to quit drinking and I was so sorry, but I was not going to be drinking with them anymore and I still wanted to be friends and I love them and and I just it felt like a breakup. It felt like this heartbreaking thing that I wasn't going to be able to do anymore and I was really sorry. I apologize which, looking back, looks silly Like this was the best thing for me, the best, healthiest possible version of myself, what is without alcohol. How could I apologize for that? But it was grief and letting go of that identity, letting go of who I was and the relationships I had.

Heather Lowe:

Some of my relationships really improved. So many people stuck by me my drinking friends are still my friends. We go out it's awesome. They are looking for mocktail menus all over town for where we go. They've been so supportive of me. My relationship with my children and my husband has improved so much. I have an entire new circle of friends sober friends all over the world. I've been on retreats and I've got a huge network of people that I've been able to get to know. And I say we're getting to know each other backwards now, like we're sharing stories from middle school and even though we weren't we don't have this long history together you can get to know someone backwards. So that's been really fun and also, honestly, some friendships fell to the wayside.

Michele Folan:

Okay, that was my next question. So I was wondering if any of those friendships actually ended because they were uncomfortable with your decision.

Heather Lowe:

Yeah, friendships definitely ended and I can only speak to my experience. I don't know what it was like on the other side, but I did change and that changed things and in some instances there was cut off and in some instances there was a fade away. But either way, it's very confusing to exit friendships. You know, when do you stop saying happy birthday? When do you stop sending the holiday card? Like, how do you stop saying happy birthday? When do you stop sending the holiday card? Like, how do you be in or out of this? Or how does this work?

Heather Lowe:

It's really hard, it's very painful and I definitely had that. So there's it's not like I got sober and everything was rainbows and unicorns. There was a lot of pain. There was a lot of pain and growth and healing and letting go, and there's no one to blame. And actually I don't even have all the answers myself for what happened and why, but I will say I quit drinking and I had friends in my life then and I quit drinking and now they're not in my life, which wasn't necessarily my choice, but it's kind of the way that it played out and that's been really hard.

Michele Folan:

So what would you say to a woman who's afraid of being judged or feeling left out if she chooses to drink less or not at all?

Heather Lowe:

Yeah, you have to love yourself first. It is your only job in this world to take care of yourself. That's not somebody else's job, that's yours. And I just saw the writer, brianna Wiest. I don't know if anybody knows her, but she has a lot of books that are very beautiful. The most recent one, called the Life that's Waiting, and it's laid out like read this when. Read this when you feel unworthy. Read this when. Okay, there's one chapter that says read this when you feel like the opinion of others matters too much to you. And this chapter is one sentence long and it says the more you like yourself, the less you'll need others to like you, and the more you do that, the more they will Oof. And that's the end of the chapter. It's one sentence and I'm like that's a book I can get into.

Michele Folan:

Yeah, right.

Heather Lowe:

Yeah, chapter day. So I think the more you like yourself, the less need you have for others, and there will be people that understand and there will be people that won't. And that's not your business. Your business is taking care of yourself and you probably will be judged, and that's okay. You don't judge you, you know.

Michele Folan:

Yeah, and the other thing, Heather, is when you love yourself and you like yourself, because I think there's a difference between the two. Yeah, it's much easier to set boundaries around your sovereignty, which I got that one of my past guests, Andrea DeWitt, wrote a book called Name Claim Reframe, and she talks about your sovereignty and it's not just about boundaries, it's about protecting your inner person, and so I think that is part of this whole process. I would love to know at what point in your sobriety journey did you realize that your calling was to help other?

Heather Lowe:

women. I journaled every single day, starting on day two for my first year of sobriety, and on day seven I said I wanted to be an addictions counselor. I'm not sure what that meant, but I said I already knew I was on day seven myself and I already knew I wanted to turn around and hold my hand out to the woman coming behind me. And as I continued I realized I could build exactly what I needed that I didn't see out there anywhere. I was scared of AA. I was scared of rehab. I wasn't sure those were the right places for me. I wasn't sure that was the right language for me.

Heather Lowe:

Now I think those things would have been fine, but at the time I was too scared of that and so I got myself alcohol free by journaling, meditating, moving my body, expressing myself, setting boundaries you know like a very holistic healing way. And then I wanted to share that with other women. I wanted them to know there's a way to do this out there. So I opened my doors to Ditch the Drink about 18 months after I got sober myself.

Michele Folan:

I would love to know what that process looked like, because you've gotten certifications, you've you had to do a lot of work in that 18 months to be able to start to do this.

Heather Lowe:

Yeah, absolutely so. It started as an idea and a passion project that I was, because so early I already knew I wanted to help people and, like I said, it felt like a return to self, with social work right, like helping others felt like a return. But I was between jobs at the time and so I was interviewing and I was about to get offers from the same jobs that I had done, that I would be good at, that I was qualified for, and sobriety had just taught me to listen to myself and I knew I couldn't go back and do the things that didn't sing my soul. I just couldn't anymore. That's a ticket to my sobriety is tuning in and paying attention. I don't numb out what I think anymore. I don't pour alcohol on my thoughts.

Heather Lowe:

I listened to my inner voice and my inner voice said no, that's not for me. So then I have a big dad voice, a husband. I don't really think I'm going to take these jobs and we're used to a six figure salary, right, and I want to start this. I want to. I want to turn my little passion into project I put to profit. I want to try to start my own business and it's called Ditch the Drink, and it started with a digital course where I put everything together that helped me and can we do this? And he said, like can you make this much money? And like pennies, you know? And I said I have no idea because I've never done this before.

Michele Folan:

Because we don't know when we venture into this.

Heather Lowe:

And he took a big deep breath and said okay, we'll give it a try. And my mom was the first person to sign up for my Jumpstart digital course, which is totally beautiful. So I had one student and that I still have that digital course anyone can take. It's so sweet because I was so close to early sobriety myself. I love it. I can't change it because now I'm much more slick and everything, but I am like right there with you because I was in such early sobriety myself. So that class is there.

Heather Lowe:

But then I really wanted to coach people one-on-one and I knew that. But I didn't feel like I could do that without the right certification and training. So I got trained with the International Association of Professional Recovery Coaches as a life coach, as a recovery coach. I got a certificate of well-being from Yale University and I got a law of attraction coach training. So, yeah, I armed myself with all the best training tools, resources so that I could provide the best offering for other professional women like me. And then I started coaching. I started opening my coaching offerings and now I have a membership community. Now I recruit other people to coach and then I help them launch their businesses because I've been successful and the coach training teaches you to be a great coach, but it doesn't teach you how to start a business, which is a different skill. Set right, I've been able to speak, I've won awards. You know, it's really grown, it's been, it's been totally awesome.

Michele Folan:

Yeah, and you deserve the accolades because you've you walk the walk and talk the talk. So I think working with a coach that's been through the process themselves is way more satisfying as a client because you have that commonality and that connection that's so beautiful Absolutely. And what are some of the biggest struggles or patterns that you see among the midlife women you coach?

Heather Lowe:

It's the other people in our lives. You know what it really. What happens is we've poured alcohol on ourselves to tolerate the life that we have and I think in midlife our resentment, all the years of resentment, start to build and we actually have a lot of anger and we feel like we're serving our family all the time, burning the candle on both ends, and we've set our life up like this for some reason and we're mad and we're angry and we need help, but we don't know how to ask for that and we don't want to rock the boat and we don't want conflict. So we just pour alcohol on ourselves and our own opinions and thoughts and ideas because we don't want to hear them. So when somebody first gets sober, it's like dinner time is hard because it's a witchy hour and that's what they used wine for. And yet you're nodding I'm sure you're even relating to this right, even though your kids are older.

Michele Folan:

It's like it is tough. It is tough. You just said something that I want everyone listening to this to rewind, like three minutes from when Heather started talking about women being angry or, you know, resentful, because even if you don't drink, we all have a little bit of that. And this is where I think we have an opportunity in midlife to redefine ourselves and how, like back to those boundaries. It's what you just said. I was like, oh, this is like so good yeah, it's a very common theme.

Heather Lowe:

It's a common theme for all of us. Yeah, we don't know what to do with it, because we don't want to be mad, we want to be happy, we want to be relaxed, we want a good time. It won't be fun, and so we think alcohol is the ticket to that. Yeah, but alcohol is us, it's self-abandonment, it's us not listening to ourselves, it's us not paying attention to ourselves, it's us putting this liquid wall between what we really feel and what we think we're supposed to feel or how we're supposed to be. And so it's been effective for a lot of our life. But at this age it starts to change.

Michele Folan:

Yeah, and it's also about it drowns out that whole purpose of asking for what we want. You know. Ask for what you want instead of drowning yourself either with alcohol, or you know being depressed or other addictions, or you know being depressed or other addictions.

Heather Lowe:

Yeah, I found plenty. So I think addiction is a human condition. For me it was alcohol, but when I ditched the drink. Michele, it's online shopping, it's scrolling, it's attention seeking. I'm definitely addicted to ChapStick Like it could be anything right. So I think if we can just change that word and even like, say addiction, don't make it so scary. Addiction is just like a pattern of behavior that you've used that's not helping you or the consequences are too big. So that could be with anything. Recovery is just healing. It's just the person who's healing from those things. But we're addicted to people pleasing. We're addicted to perfectionism, we're addicted to achievement, right, Yep. So there's any number of things that we can be addicted to.

Heather Lowe:

I'm really grateful alcohol was my issue because overcoming it, I live an awakened life and anybody who's overcome anything feels that way. It's like this was a beautiful wake-up call for me, because in my life now my feet have to be so rooted in myself and my values to stay this path, which is hard. But I'll tell you, over-drinking was also hard. Feeling like garbage every day. That was hard too. It's just a different kind of hard.

Michele Folan:

Different hard, choose your hard.

Heather Lowe:

Yeah, right, yeah, and this one, at least I can have my head held high.

Michele Folan:

When you were first on the podcast, I posted a picture of you when you were drinking and then post-drinking. It was pretty remarkable. So, other than what people could see, you know, with that photo. So the inflammation, the puffiness, all of that, which is very common what other physical changes did you feel in terms of, like, your weight, sleep, all of that?

Heather Lowe:

Yeah. So I didn't know how to sleep without alcohol. That was scary to me. To go to bed with my own thoughts. It was very hard. I thought I needed a nightcap. I was like a baby without a bottle. So that was a challenge, but everything improved.

Heather Lowe:

So, first of all, being somebody, I never had a sweet tooth and I ditched the drink, and then I became a sugar fiend Right, and I just want everyone to know that's totally normal and it's temporary. So this isn't exactly true. But alcohol basically turns to sugar in your body. So when you don't have it, you crave it, and so that's a very normal thing in early sobriety. And I say do whatever you got to do. There's different ways to stabilize your blood sugar and different things you can eat in early sobriety to help. But also, if I couldn't have those cherry Twizzlers in my first six months and a hot cookie skillet at the end of every meal, I don't think I'd be sober today. So it got me through. Now I don't even have that stuff. Now I love my green juice and my protein shakes and all that stuff.

Heather Lowe:

So my overall health improved in a lot of ways. I eventually learned how to sleep better because I started using lavender in meditation and I had to have a real nighttime routine to calm me down because I was so scared to go to sleep without alcohol. I ran a half marathon in my 40s and I had ran half marathons before and I had run hungover many a time, which is harder the older you get. I had run hungover many a time, which is harder the older you get, but I ran a race and I cut my time down by like a minute and 10 seconds per mile. Oh wow. So there was a significant change in my fitness levels. I think the thing that matters to me most is I was on high blood pressure pills and both my parents had high blood pressure, so some of it is hereditary and it scared me. I was a little young to be on them and when I quit drinking I no longer take those pills, I no longer have high blood pressure. So that feels like the most important thing.

Heather Lowe:

That picture, those pictures, tons of pictures. You will see there is a significant physical change. Like you said, the bloating, puffiness, it's just so obvious. So that's what I say too Is alcohol poison? Look at these pictures. It's very obvious that alcohol is not good for you. When you see, my body was so dehydrated I was hanging on to every bit of water that I could right. That's the water retention and you can see it. My eyes I didn't recognize myself in the mirror. I had these dead eyes that added weight and puffiness, did not look good on me and so, yeah, I'm just so much healthier and vibrant, but I will say this, my weight hasn't changed Interesting. So my body looks totally different, right, and I have muscle and I have tone and my yoga practice I mean I can still do the splits and all that stuff, so, which I'm very proud of as a mom girl.

Michele Folan:

I feel like I've done the splits in sixth grade. It's one of my best party tricks.

Heather Lowe:

I'm pretty proud of that. I'm glad I have a podcast where I can share that. So, yeah, I mean there's been a lot of improvements, but it didn't necessarily show on the scale for me. But I'll tell you, all of my clients have those pictures too. All my clients have those before and afters. And it's private. A lot of people want to be private about it, so I can't last them on social media. I wish I could, because they're such beautiful transformations. But it's not just me, it's everyone. You've seen it yourself within yourself, even Michele. So if you want to use vanity as a reason to ditch the drink, it's a very good reason. Absolutely go for it, right.

Michele Folan:

So I have clients that have lost some significant weight and I can't get them to share pictures with me either. They don't want to share those before pictures and I'm like but look where you've come, I'll black out your face. No one will know it's you, but it's such a private thing, and I understand that, so I'm cool. Can you share a client success story that really stuck with you?

Heather Lowe:

Oh my gosh, literally I love coaching and you do too, because we're coaches, right, I'm the biggest fan. I'm totally biased. It's the greatest thing. I witness transformation every single day, and sometimes it's subtle. Sometimes it's subtle. I have a client who we just do this as women, right. She used cloth napkins and there's one that's a little bit stained or ripped and every day she would sit the table and give herself the worst napkin. She's also the only one that's going to notice this napkin. So, with working together and building her confidence and her self-esteem and her self-love, she started giving herself the best napkin and secretly to whoever was bothering her most that day, giving them that little napkin oh, I love it.

Heather Lowe:

It just has a little secret symbol, right. But my clients, they get sober and then they, like some, go back to work after years of being at home. One became a swim instructor. She loves swimming. She became a swim coach, which was like her dream come true. They are traveling. One just got a baby grand piano with all the money she saved, treated herself. They're going on these dream vacations. They are changing their careers, their fitness levels and height, new heights that they're reaching with that it's, it's every single day. There's like the big wow things, but there's also the the more subtle, like I just set a boundary. I just I'm doing holidays differently this year and I just stood up to myself, to my mom, who I've never done that before. Or I don't let my kids walk all over me anymore, and this feels good, I treated myself to that before. Or I don't let my kids walk all over me anymore, and this feels good. I treated myself to that spotty, to that overnight in that hotel. Now I know-.

Michele Folan:

By myself.

Heather Lowe:

Yeah, by myself.

Michele Folan:

And it's two nights, not one. You know what I mean.

Heather Lowe:

I'm going to that between I'm prioritizing myself and making my life beautiful because I want to and I love that. So it's just a shift of priorities and they're putting themselves at the top, and sometimes there's the big wow, milestone days and sometimes there's just the little subtle shifts about I'm not going to take an overtake on this work at work, because I'm getting close to burnout and that's not an option for me anymore, so I'm not going to do that. Or I'm going to go for a walk instead of do this. I'm going to do holidays different. I'm going to delegate and ask for help, whatever that looks like. It's truly amazing.

Michele Folan:

You know Leigh, who I just had on my podcast. She talked about the first time she went on vacation it was with a group of family friends and how she would go to her room at night and cry because she couldn't partake in the festivities. And I would imagine that first vacation, that first holiday, those first milestone events the wedding, whatever it is that you go to, where you're not drinking, can be really difficult. How have your clients been able to get through those times?

Heather Lowe:

Yeah, Well, it probably can't be done without tears. I will admit that, myself included. My first spring break I was three weeks alcohol-free and it was pretty touch and go with the margaritas and the Jimmy Buffett music, and we'll see if I was going to be able to make it right. So I feel you. My coaching includes unlimited text and email support and so, as well as a 24-7 app and community. So there's people that get it, and I think that is the secret sauce. I think that is what really makes or breaks certain cravings or certain situations, and we set up a plan.

Heather Lowe:

If it's a wedding, it's like how are you going to walk in? Let's visualize. Let's visualize how you want to look in. You're going to look amazing in your spray tan and that hot dress. You're going to feel good about yourself. This is how you're going to prep yourself. You're going to do your walk in the morning. You're going to do your journaling. You're going to do your routine. So you walk in feeling amazing. You're going to bring your own drink right. You're going to make sure you have a really beautiful, fancy drink. We're going to practice what you're going to say when somebody says oh, you're not drinking. We're going to practice what that looks like. We're going to leave whenever you want and you don't have to stay the whole time, and it is going to look different than when you were the drunken bridesmaid. If you're me, the wedding doesn't look like that anymore, and that's okay.

Heather Lowe:

Also, I usually have a retreat, a little treat, waiting for me back in the room. Am I going to get ice cream? Or am I going to pop that alcohol-free champagne when I get there? Or do I have a really special face mask to put on before bed and then something the next morning? Right, am I going to do a massage while I'm at that hotel and have that to look forward to? So there's all sorts of ways, but we definitely have a plan. We visualize their support, community accountability, hearing from others and what they've done. Just like Thanksgiving was one where every time we had to check the turkey, we were like checking in with each other. You know what I mean.

Heather Lowe:

Like setting in these little checkpoints because that's a dopamine hit, to say I'm doing it. Thumbs up, high five, keep going. It's just like running a race right when you've got those people on the path to cheer you on. There's nothing you can't do. You can do even the hard stuff.

Michele Folan:

Oh, I love the community piece of this. I think that's brilliant on your part to have that, because then people always know they've got a little bit of a lifeline, so that's really awesome, I love it.

Heather Lowe:

Yeah, we meet every week and talk about it so we can prepare together, right? And then you know you've got just a group of cheerleaders literally in your pocket because it's an app that are cheering you on and like hoping that it goes well, and they're going to find out about it next week. Oh that's great.

Michele Folan:

And then you know what I just thought of and this wasn't on my list of questions. This thought of and this wasn't on my list of questions. I would love it if you put together a list of some of your favorite non-alcohol beverages, Because I know you were a big wine drinker before. What do you gravitate toward now? So you don't have to come up with your list now, but if you can come up with four or five ideas for people I know, I'm always very appreciative of not having to invest in that $15, $20 bottle of non-alcoholic wine and then pour it down the drain.

Heather Lowe:

Yeah, A lot is garbage. I get it. It's terrible. Some of it's really terrible. I have a ton of blogs about this I will curate a list for you and your listeners for sure and I've got everything from like the best value to something that's super expensive, more expensive and everything in between. Honestly, they're getting better than what they used to be. So if you've tried it and that liked it but I think it does help to be steered in the right direction to some definite good things. In general I will say anything with sparkles or bubbles is typically better, because that carbonation and the bubbles kind of mask gives you that tickle on the tongue like a drink would, and kind of masks what like a still drink would have. So, in general, something that's white and something that's sparkly is probably best or closest to what you're used to. But there are good other things as well and there are certain brands, certain makers that you know the best and I'll share that for sure.

Michele Folan:

I knew you would be a great resource for this. So thank you for that, because my beverage of choice in the evenings I do a spin drift and I put a little splash of cranberry in it and then a slice of lime and that's kind of my instead of the wine when I'm cooking.

Heather Lowe:

That's what I do typically, that's a great replacement and I love to think of that too. It's not giving up something, it's an exchange. You're not giving up drinking. And actually I teased. I was like after the holidays I can't believe I called myself Ditch the Drink because I had before dinner drinks. I called myself ditch the drink because I had before dinner drinks. I had during dinner drinks and I had after dinner drinks. I hosted and I probably drank more than anybody in my whole house. How can I call myself ditch the drink? All I do is drink. It doesn't have to have alcohol, so thinking in exchange instead of deprivation is just a perfect thought.

Michele Folan:

Yeah, you know, back when you? Yeah, back when I was going out to dinner, having a cocktail before dinner, a glass of wine. With dinner, instead of having dessert, I'd have another glass of wine.

Heather Lowe:

Me too. That was my thing, for sure.

Michele Folan:

So I'm like, oh, I'm not having dessert, so I'll have another glass of wine. Oh God, no wonder, I felt like shit all the time. Okay, you recently launched I'm going to say this correctly Parapetia. Yeah, yeah, yay, I said it correctly. Okay, heather has a podcast, and I'm like so amazed, like, okay, let's just, you know, pack your dance card. What inspired you to start a podcast and what kind of conversations are you having?

Heather Lowe:

Oh my gosh, thanks for asking the Parapetia podcast. Parapetia means a sudden change in circumstances or events, or like a curveball. So one of my dreams was well, even when I was little, I started a little business from my closet called Dare to Dream DTD. So when I started Ditch the Drink, I was doing it in a bonus room in my house, which is also my closet. So it was kind of serendipitous that I'm like this is my third grade self. It's come true. Now I've got DTD right.

Heather Lowe:

Another one of my little dreams was Oprah Winfrey to be Oprah Winfrey, to have a talk show for women. And we moved from Wisconsin to Chicago because my husband loved the Chicago Bears and I loved Oprah Winfrey. So here we are and so I just always wanted to interview. I'm fascinated by stories and storytelling. I think it's so healing. And I'm fascinated by people and I'm fascinated by women and there are things we need to talk about and things to bring out in the open and sobriety, this recovery out loud, kind of philosophy about like, let's talk about it, you don't have to keep it in silence.

Heather Lowe:

And I was terrified to do a I'm sober Facebook announcement. I was terrified to go on LinkedIn and say I'm a sober coach now what were people going to think of me? Right? But it's been really healing to talk about it out loud.

Heather Lowe:

So I wanted a platform really to trick the people that I love, like authors, people I admire to come have a conversation with me, and it totally worked because I've got like amazing people all my favorite people on my podcast and so it's not a sobriety podcast, it's just a podcast about women and their stories. So I've got issues from literally everything, from overcoming anxiety, perfectionism, I've got storytelling and the stories that we tell ourselves coming out later today. I've got sober stories and I've got like body image and eating disorder stories. Got sober stories and I've got like body image and eating disorder stories I've got I just can't even think so. It started as a pilot project just to see what I thought, if I enjoyed it. I did 12 episodes, asked everybody that I wanted to come on, to come on, and I liked it so much that now I'm in season two, season two is wrapping up and there's going to be a season three. Fantastic, congratulations. Yes, thank you.

Michele Folan:

I love it. I love it and I love the premise, because everybody's got a story.

Heather Lowe:

Yeah, right, and we're all overcoming something, yeah.

Michele Folan:

Yeah, something else you said is about it's okay to talk about it. Yeah, let's get this out in the open let's talk about it's okay to talk about it. Yeah, let's get this out in the open, let's talk about it. It is very uncomfortable everybody listening. It's very uncomfortable what Heather and I do, because we are exposing a side of ourselves that we've always kept very private, whether it's our weight or drinking or whatever it is. And the reason Heather shares, and even I share, is because maybe one of you will identify with the story and maybe that will be what you need to feel brave and to take action to do something better for yourself. I love that yeah.

Michele Folan:

Did I do okay on that one.

Heather Lowe:

It's okay to reach out for help. We don't have it. We don't have it together. We don't have to have it together and ask somebody who has what you want and has been where you are. I think strong, independent women, that asking for help heart or investing in ourselves for coaching or whatever it is, is our own hurdle to overcome. But I would recommend breakthrough. Get some help. It's the best thing you can do. And all the top athletes, top performers, top politicians, top business executives, top celebrities everybody has a coach. It's not for losers. Everybody who wants to be their best has a coach. Oh, I know A jar can't read its own label. Get a coach. I mean, whether that's Michele or I or anyone, just know that asking for help is the strongest, best, smartest thing to do. It doesn't have to be a last resort.

Michele Folan:

You know two things with that, like you were saying. I mean, almost every coach has a coach, so let's put that one on the back burner, because that one is. I know that for a fact and you're correct Most successful people have some form of a coach, but don't think of it as like a coach, like a teacher, as much as it is a partner. It's somebody that's just going to link arms with you, meet you where you are because I think that's really important and just walk with you to take this journey forward. So, yeah, all right. So I was just. I was going to ask you what's one small step that you would suggest women take today who are sober, curious Set up that complimentary call, okay, I mean, I think that's. Yeah, set up a complimentary call.

Heather Lowe:

I have a free guide actually it's journal prompts and information to change your life, to make any sort of change. So download that free guide. Just start getting curious. Do your change? So download that free guide. Just start getting curious. Do your research, but take the next step. If you've been like lurking and scrolling on Instagram with somebody, let's say, set up the call with them, download their guide. Like, do the guide, don't just download it. Then answer the questions, do the assignments and keep going like that 1% forward each day. Right, do something different today and a little bit more today. But you will see your results accelerated so fast when you link arms and start working with somebody for sure?

Michele Folan:

Yeah, this is a personal question. What is one of your self-care non-negotiables? Alone time?

Heather Lowe:

And for me that often looks like a walk in the woods, okay, but leave me alone. Honestly, I need some. My, all my people, who I love so dearly, are always on top of me. God bless, I've created it that way because I'm needy in attention and love and affection, but I also need alone time so that I make sure to get that in. So my relationship with the only place I can hear myself is when I'm not around all those people that I love so much right.

Michele Folan:

Yeah, that's a good one. Okay, heather Lowe, where can people find you?

Heather Lowe:

DitchTheDrinkcom. Come to my website, ditch the Drink on Instagram, Facebook, Linkedin, Pinterest and check out the Parapetia podcast. It's also on my website. If you don't know how to spell Parapetia, I don't blame you. Hopefully Michele will put it in the show notes, but it's also on Apple, Spotify, anywhere you listen to podcasts. I'd love to have you hear my stories, and maybe one of you has a story that you want to share as well.

Michele Folan:

Oh yeah, I'm sure they do. Heather Lowe, thank you for being here today. It's always so much fun. Thank you, Michele. I adore you. Hey, thanks for tuning in. Please rate and review the show where you listen to the podcast. And did you know that Asking for a Friend is available now to listen on YouTube? You can subscribe to the podcast there as well. Your support is appreciated and it helps others find the show. Thank you.