Asking for a Friend - Health, Fitness & Personal Growth Tips for Women in Midlife

Ep.150 Empty Nest, Full Life: Rediscovering Yourself After the Kids Leave

• Michele Henning Folan • Episode 150

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When the Nest Empties, What’s Next?

The silence can be overwhelming when a once-busy home suddenly feels too quiet. If you’ve ever wondered, Who am I now? Where do I fit in my child’s life—and in my own? 

Allie Hill, author of The Girlfriend's Guide to Empty Nesting, knows this transition firsthand. When her daughter left for college, she felt like she took her heart and purpose with her. In this funny, heartfelt and honest conversation, Allie shares how she moved from loss to renewal—rediscovering her own identity, passions, and purpose.

We dive into the emotional rollercoaster of empty nesting, the surprising opportunities this phase brings, and practical ways to strengthen relationships, build new connections, and embrace the next chapter with confidence.

If you're navigating this shift (or see it on the horizon), this episode will remind you: Your best years aren’t behind you—they’re just beginning. Listen now!

You can find the Girlfriend's Guide to Empty Nesting wherever you buy books.

You can find Allie Hill at:

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Are you ready to reclaim your midlife body and health? I went through my own personal journey through menopause, the struggle with midsection weight gain, and feeling rundown. Faster Way, a transformative six-week group program, set me on the path to sustainable change. I'd love to work with you! Let me help you reach your health and fitness goals.
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Michele Folan:

The day you've been preparing for finally arrives. The kids are out of the house, building their own lives, maybe even living far away or starting families of their own. You thought you'd be ready, but now you're standing in the quiet wondering where do I fit in now? If you're feeling a mix of pride, sadness, excitement and maybe even a little lost, you're not alone. Health, wellness, fitness and everything in between. We're removing the taboo from what really matters in midlife. I'm your host, Michele Folan, and this is Asking for a Friend.

Michele Folan:

Empty nesting is a huge life shift and, while it can feel overwhelming, it's also an incredible opportunity to rediscover you. That's why I'm so excited to chat with Allie Hill, author of the Girlfriend's Guide to Empty Nesting. She's been through it herself and brings a refreshing, honest and even humorous take on how to navigate this phase with confidence and joy. In this episode, we'll talk about redefining your identity, strengthening relationships and embracing the freedom that comes with an empty nest. If you've been struggling with what comes next, this conversation is exactly what you need. Allie Hill, welcome to Asking for a Friend. Thank you, michelle. It's so great to be here and I have to tell you. Allie is in Hawaii right now and I'm very jealous. She's, you know, wearing her tank top, got her little beads on and I'm in a mock turtleneck.

Allie Hill:

I'm sorry, I'm sorry you suck. Next time we do it in person. How's that Okay?

Michele Folan:

All right, That'd be great. If I can come to Hawaii, that would be awesome. You know I was drawn to you on Instagram because I thought your story was so relatable and relatable to so many women. I would love for you to just tell the audience a little bit about you and we'll dive into your personal story.

Allie Hill:

Sure. So I am a mother, I have one daughter, her name's Izzy. She's 25. I'm married, I have a dog hopefully a puppy on the way and I know well, pray to the puppy gods. And I was a journalist before being a life coach. So I grew up in Colorado and then went to college in California and started my career in California as a journalist and I was fashion beauty home. I think I'm a person who's just curious and likes to ask questions and, you know, couple that with decent, adequate writing skills and journalism. That was just. That was easy. When I moved back to Colorado and I guess what was that? I always want to say that it's like 2005, but it was 1995. It's hard to do the 90s, but that just feels like a whole nother century ago.

Allie Hill:

It was a really long time ago Allie, I know no one's ever heard of the 90s. I kind of had to reinvent myself just then and it was like, okay, there's no real sorry Colorado fashion in Colorado, so I'm going to have to find another career. And I did a bunch of things, but really what became my career was being a wife and then a mom, and I dove into that wholeheartedly. Like when you have one child, you well I'll speak from my own personal experience I said yes to everything. I was the room mom, I was the lacrosse mom, I was the. I think that if my daughter wanted to do it, we said yes, if we could, if you know, if we could swing it, because I didn't have to be in seven other places at the same time. So when she left in 2017 and she went to college out of state, I say she took her bags and her belongings and my heart and my purpose with her.

Michele Folan:

I know right. So you were one of those moms, but the mom that I couldn't be because I was traveling and working and so I was envious of you.

Allie Hill:

Oh my gosh, I was envious of you that you had something else than your whole focus devoted to your child. I'm like I should really be doing something I should probably be making money. You know, it's always the grass is greener right, Exactly.

Michele Folan:

And maybe there is a happy medium somewhere in there. But yeah, I was excited when I could work in the lunchroom one day or do playground duty. That was a big deal. You know when.

Allie Hill:

I could swing that.

Michele Folan:

That was just a Wednesday for me. Yeah, I see, okay. So this is going to be a fun conversation I could have. So, this moment when Izzy goes off to school, how are you feeling? Because sometimes there's that excitement and then there's the tears and the boo-hoo and the boo-hoo, I think that I had been what do they call it?

Allie Hill:

Rehearsing, rehearsing for this moment, rehearsing, not tragedy it's not a tragedy that she's going to college, but rehearsing, grieving, you know, grieving in advance. Really, kind of middle of her junior year, that whole senior, the year of lasts, I was practicing, practicing, being sad, practicing like oh, that's so sad, but at the same time I was so happy and proud and I knew like my daughter was living her best life, like no one could get out of the house faster than my daughter, which was a little bit insulting. But at the same time I'm like, okay, I guess she feels confident, she feels independent. I did something right, except for the part when it came to me, right? So bittersweet really is the word of the day when it comes, at least for me, for that first few weeks and months. Honestly, it was uh, might've even been years. It took a while.

Michele Folan:

Okay, what surprised you most about this phase of life?

Allie Hill:

Okay, I think in the beginning it was that it did take so long. I thought because, um, right after Izzy left, like just by serendipity, a friend uh gave me an email about becoming a life coach and it was Martha Beck's program, and so I did that. So, 2017, I went through her program, which was a godsend to give me focus and give me structure and just gave me something to wake up in the morning for. But I thought the minute I think it was a six month program. I thought, okay, I'm doing this thing and now I'm going to feel better. But it's not like six month program. I thought, okay, I'm doing this thing and now I'm going to feel better.

Allie Hill:

But it's not like I woke up and was like, oh, I've got a purpose again, got it all figured out. It wasn't that. So there was a it took a lot, a little bit longer than I thought. But once I sort of relaxed into looking for other possibilities and other openings, I was surprised about how terrific empty nesting life could be. Once I embraced it, once I was like this could be fun. Jim and I can pick up. If we have a puppy sitter and a house sitter, we can go wherever we want, I can try new things. It was really a mindset shift that needed to happen.

Michele Folan:

Yeah, that was going to be my next question. Were there unexpected joys that you had during this time?

Allie Hill:

Yeah, there were a lot of unexpected joys I think that reconnecting with my husband, which, again, I'm not going to say that. Everything was like I dream of Jeannie and I blinked and everything was like Ooh, we are hot and heavy again. Ooh, I have my purpose again. There was none of that. There was a lot of trial and error, like, let me try this, let me let me.

Allie Hill:

In the coaching world, we talk about, like putting a shirt on and seeing if it fits, and if it doesn't, we discard it and we don't make a big deal out of it, we just put it back on. So I was like wait 2017, I think I'm going to be a life coach. Well, guess what? No, I wasn't ready to be coaching other people. I was really ready to be coaching myself and be learning other new developmental things, but I was in no shape. Their new developmental things, but I was in no shape to be helping anybody at that time. But there were still amazing. I had not focused on myself. So I think that I finding other things to learn and grow, that that seemed to be my, that was my mantra. You know, the year of yes, like Shonda Rhimes says, but mine was all personal development. So I was like, anytime a seminar or something came up in my area, I'm like, I'm a yes, what can I get from that?

Michele Folan:

Oh, I love that, though you know, because you weren't going to just sit at home and you know cry and you know text your daughter, I'm sure you did plenty of that too right.

Allie Hill:

She had to sit me down at parents weekend and tell me you know, mom, I love you and it really hurts. She said it hurts her feelings to have to not take my call and not text me back. She said I don't want to be hurting you, but it's a bit much, so is there any way you can dial it back a little? And then we, you know, and it was just I got to say to her thank you for saying that to me. I have never done this before. This is my. You're my first and only child and I've never done this and we're super close and I used to talk to you a million times a day and now I'm retraining myself to know that it's okay to what text you what twice once, wait for your call. What's the new way we communicate and why? Was that a learning curve?

Michele Folan:

What advice do you have, then, for moms that are sending their kids off to school or sending them off to the big city to start their careers right, because that's the other phase that we are dealing with or they're getting married, yeah. What are your tips on setting boundaries on communication?

Allie Hill:

I think number one, everything is have a conversation. I mean have a conversation beforehand, if you can. I often hear from my friends, my clients certainly it was myself. They're in the middle of it. There was no beforehand conversation. It's never too late to have the conversation, but let your child or adult listen, child know that you love them, you want to be in communication with them, you don't want to overstep but it's important to you.

Allie Hill:

I have a, I have a daughter. I for me, it was safety. It was always came down to are you okay? So we came up with a system of you know. It was those dreaded Thursday, friday, saturday nights where I would be like, even when I'm in Colorado and she's in Arizona, I would still worry, but she would just text me home. You know whether it was 10, 10 PM or 1 AM or 3 AM. And this is a tip for a pro tip Don't track your child. I mean you can, but don't track them at three in the morning if you don't want an answer Like you might not like what you're seeing and so just don't do it. My husband did that, you know, and he's like why? Well, I shouldn't go in there? Why is she there at three in the morning. I'm like mm-hmm.

Michele Folan:

I just don't think you should ask questions you don't want the answers to. Well, here's the question is where were we at 3 am when we were in college? Exactly?

Allie Hill:

Michele, and I could certainly like I forgot to ask myself that. I'm certain my husband forgot that or he's thinking I know exactly where I was and it's not where I want my daughter.

Michele Folan:

No, yeah, where I was and it's not where I want my daughter. No, yeah, we don't need to talk about those stories right now, because my daughters do listen to this podcast.

Michele Folan:

Do they? Yeah, I love it. Okay, we'll keep it PG. Yeah, we're going to take a quick break, and when we come back I want to talk about the Girlfriend's Guide to Empty Nesting Skipping breakfast or grabbing a protein bar, a salad for lunch, an okay dinner, and you wonder why you're not losing weight. Listen, I get it. You're trying to be good, but midlife metabolism doesn't work that way. Eating less isn't the answer. Eating right is. In my six-week midlife reset, I'll show you how to fuel your body for fat loss without starving yourself. Train in a way that actually reshapes your body and finally break free from the cycle of frustration. But you have to take that first step. Doors close soon, don't wait. Click the link in the show notes and let's get to work. All right, we're back, and you are a writer, and so did that make total sense to you at this point to write a book about your experience.

Allie Hill:

I mean it did. I have been writing books forever. I've been writing chapters of books, whether it was a memoir, whether it was my you know, oh, those mean girls in middle school. I wrote a book to you. I wrote a book to you know all the ex-boyfriends. I've been writing books forever, but they were they were so me centric and I could never. They were so me centric and I could never. I could never finish them.

Allie Hill:

The minute I I'd been coaching, let's say for specifically emptiness moms for about three or four years, the minute I had the idea of writing a book for them, it just flowed. It was less about me. It has definitely my experiences, but it's also a lot of my clients' experiences, my friends. It's just. And then I did rewrite the book several times. So I wrote it very first I wrote it like, oh my gosh, you poor, poor mom. Oh, just let's cuddle up and cry together. I wrote it like that. And then I was like, ah, that's not, that's, I wouldn't want to read that. Then I wrote it like snap out of it, come on. I was like that's not very kind. And then I kind of combined practical information with real heartfelt, hopefully relatable stories and decent strategies and I was like that's the book that I wish I'd had. And I was like that's the book that I wish I'd had.

Michele Folan:

Oh, yeah, so the title of the book is the Girlfriend's Guide to Empty Nesting. And then how did writing the book help you process your own empty nest journey?

Allie Hill:

I got to do a lot of revisiting the stories. You know that I so Izzy had been out of the house for, oh, she was still in college when I was writing it. She was just probably in her senior year and I got to go back and really think about, oh, where was I at the beginning, where was I when I dropped her off? Where, what did I need right in that moment? And then kind of all the different phases, and it really helped, having had, you know, four years of coaching other women, that I didn't want it to be the Allie show. It was very much all the girlfriends, all the women in my lives, like let's take this one, let's take that one. I loved revisiting the stories, but then I had to do my first. Two readers had to be my husband and my daughter because they figured very prominently in the book and I had to make sure they were okay with all the stories I included.

Michele Folan:

Were they okay with everything they were.

Allie Hill:

I was really surprised. I, because I didn't hold back. It's not like I, you know, Christ. I because I didn't hold back, it's not like I, you know, painted them in unflattering places, but I, I mean, I did the unvarnished truth. And, most of all, who do I call out the most? Me, because this is not, this isn't a guide to everything I did right. This is do this definitely, please, don't, don't, don't, don't, do this Right, and so on and so forth don't don't do this Right, and so on and so forth.

Michele Folan:

So what do you hope readers take away from the book? Is there one message that's most important to you?

Allie Hill:

I think that you know, when I learned that there were 22.2 million empty nest moms right now in the world empty nest moms right now in the world Just that alone helped me go, even though you can feel super alone and alone in your process. For me, my daughter had all these girlfriends and I had their mothers as friends and I thought we were all in it together. But I have an only child and they still had children below, so they still had siblings to parent. I felt very alone. I felt like I didn't, like nobody had ever gone through this before. So I'm hoping that the book is a beacon of hope, of possibility. I hope it really. You know it can be a roadmap to creating your next chapter, but really I just hope that somebody goes. Oh, she sees me, she gets me, I get it. You know something like that.

Michele Folan:

So what advice do you give to women who are struggling with that? I think it's that loneliness, or they feel stuck because they always had something that they had to be doing and now, all of a sudden, that thing isn't there any longer.

Allie Hill:

Yeah, I would say start small. It's almost like I was listening to another one of your podcast guests and I was like, oh, I say the same thing, little baby steps it's. You know, make a commitment to something for you to do in the morning and do it every day, and I don't care if it's having your four ounces of water or if it's texting your best friend. Do something, build up a little consistency, because then you're going to start trusting yourself more and you're going to be like okay, it's also good to have a reason to get up in the morning. For me, that structure of that class, that certification helped. But what I would say, if we're just starting from scratch and somebody comes to me, I would really talk about who they were before they had kids. What did you love? What were your dreams? What were your desires? What did you do? What did you find yourself lost in? Were you a stamp collector? Were you a gardener? Were you a walker? Were you captain of your flag football team? I don't know. You didn't become a human being the minute you were a mother. You did have years before that. So revisit those and then maybe none of them fit right now. Maybe those are all things that you did in your 20s or something, or teens or 20s or 30s, but there might be some glimmers and going forward, be open to all the possibilities and what I mean by that.

Allie Hill:

I have a story. I think I'm pretty sure I put it in the book but it illustrates it perfectly. It was from a client who told me that she didn't know what to do next. She just had no idea. And as we're talking she's telling me. She's like but I'm getting all these postcards in the mail and they're like brochures, they're postcards of art, gallery openings, they're like really cool, and I am not an artist. And she said but she found herself like putting them on her desk and putting them around her house because they brought her such joy.

Allie Hill:

And maybe a week or two later she was having coffee with a friend and I think maybe she was at Starbucks. But she saw on the bulletin board it said free watercoloring class and it had those little tags where you pull the number down. And she's like, okay, I'm going to do it. And it turns out it was later that day. It was like Sunday night at five o'clock and as Sunday approached she's like what in the world was I thinking I don't want to go. She made a big deal with herself. She's like I'll just show up for five minutes. If I don't like it, I'll leave.

Allie Hill:

She went, she took the class. She didn't know anybody in the class, she'd never watercolored before, but she stayed and she's like wow, I like this. We didn't talk for a couple of weeks. She said she went back every Sunday and realized that she liked to watercolor. So what that illustrates to me oh, no pun intended is that just be open. Be open to the breadcrumbs that life is showing you, whether it's a postcard, what's lighting you up? Pay attention to those sparks.

Michele Folan:

You know the other thing too it's not just the art class, it's the community, yes Of other people that are maybe going through something similar. Right? The other thing too do we have to learn to be alone with ourselves a little bit?

Allie Hill:

I think so. I think that it's funny. I crave alone time, but lately I've been filling it up with social media, listening to podcasts, and I'm like that's not really alone. So, yeah, I think we would all benefit for a little alone time, because how else are you supposed to hear the messages that are coming in? I believe in messages from the universe. I don't know if that's something that resonates with your listeners, but how do we get, whether you think of it as God or the universe, or your own intuition how are you supposed to hear it if you don't make space for it? Right, I agree, you know that's when maybe meditation or journaling, or a walk, or just some time to sit on the beach and think.

Michele Folan:

Yeah.

Allie Hill:

How often do we do that?

Michele Folan:

We don't. I wear my red light mask because that's the only way I'm going to sit still long enough, because I'm terrible at like I can't even do yoga. It's not like quick enough for me. And what I've tried to do, Allie, is I try to when I go on walks, even though I have a podcast and I listen to other people's podcasts. Sometimes I don't listen to anything just because I know my brain needs that that time, absolutely, and I think to your point, Michele.

Allie Hill:

I was listening. Oh gosh, I listened to too many. I'm going to give Gabby Bernstein the credit for this, but I'm not sure. Going on a walk and I do the same walk, whether it's here in Maui or in Colorado. I do basically the same walks trying to find five new things. Notice five new things, you'd be surprised, whether it's a leaf or a snowflake or I mean a bird Five new things. And when you do it, you're like it gives your brain something to focus on and it also keeps you really present. I love it.

Michele Folan:

Oh, that's a really good idea. Usually I'm looking and like, oh, that house is for sale and I like, pull up the MLS and I want to see how much it's on the market. For that's what I do when I'm on a walk.

Allie Hill:

Well, there, you noticed one.

Michele Folan:

You've got one down, I know right. Oh, there you go. You know what? This is sometimes a pivot point in people's lives where they want to decide whether or not. Do they want to go back to work? Do they want to go volunteer? How do you guide a client through that process?

Allie Hill:

Often that is something that they show up with and I think the only way through it is through it. So you have to try it. If you have ideas like, often I'll get somebody who had a former career and they're like I was a nurse, do I want to go back to nursing? And we really try the idea on, I'm like, okay, do you want to get up at five in the morning? Do you want to have a 12 hour shift? Do you want to? And they're like, ooh, no, I'm like, okay, so maybe a full-time nursing job isn't it?

Allie Hill:

But what did you love about nursing? Was it that you loved helping? Was it that you loved the connection with the patient? But you know, and we really kind of get, we go from large to we get granular and we really dissect what is it that really lit you up about that? How can we either recreate that or what other opportunities are out there for you now? Because there are. You know, does it need to be paid? Could it be volunteer? That's kind of the way we start the process. Okay, and you know, does it need to be paid? Could it be volunteer? That's kind of the way we start the process.

Michele Folan:

Okay, and you know we talked a little bit about connection. You know your client, the art class. How can women do a better job at building or strengthening their friendships in midlife, because sometimes those can kind of go by the wayside when we're really busy with kids and working or whatever we're doing? Yes, what do we do there?

Allie Hill:

Well, I think it's a key question because I don't think that it's covered enough. I actually, I think in the book have a chapter called where are Phoebe, Rachel and Monica when you need them? Where did my friends go? Because for me my daughter's friends were my built-in friend network. But then when we weren't in sync, you know, because they still had other raising, other kids, I was sort of odd girl out and I'm like, oh, now what? Well, now is the time to kind of walk the talk. Remember when we would send our kids to into preschool or to kindergarten and say, go, make a friend smile, reach out, and I'm like, okay, I guess I have to do that. Start small. I start with my Amazon delivery man. I start with Starbucks. I started the grocery store. My daughter will tell you I'm the most embarrassing person now to go to stand in line at a grocery store with, because I'll be like, oh, juicy fruit, huh. I just strike up conversations. I didn't used to be this way, but I think I got lonely and I just craved connection and now I sort of do it. Naturally. The weird thing is I'm an introvert. I also know that connection right there in the target line. It's a short-lived thing. It's going to come and it's going to end. So I think I'm practicing there. But I think if we want a meaningful connection then we need to start with. You know whether it's like the woman who went and did the watercolor connection.

Allie Hill:

Think about your interests, think about what you might want to do. Do you want to be part of a book club? Think about those kind of meetups and walking club. There are a million clubs. If you're not a club person, maybe reach back. Reach back to your old friends and reconnect. There is nothing better than getting a text, or even better yet and I'm terrible because I text people rather than call a phone call from an old friend saying hey, just thinking of you, that's so nice. There's never once that someone says that where I go, ew, I go. What? That is so kind. Thank you so much.

Michele Folan:

Let's do more of that, you know, this is where I think it gets hard is that some women don't play Mahjong, they don't play pickleball. They suck at tennis. They can maybe do nine holes of golf. Maybe I'm explaining myself here. Are you describing me right now, michelle? I know I'm actually describing myself, so I think it's hard sometimes for women. It's like you know, we're talking about like finding your interests, but it's finding a group of people that don't do those things too.

Allie Hill:

Right.

Allie Hill:

So I think you have to start small. I mean I would start with what I have. So do you have? I mean, I would start with what I have. So, do you have sisters, sister-in-laws, do you have old friends? Do you have people that you admired before they were in your community? Do you have, you know, is your mother still around? Are there aunties Like, start with your kind of built-in community first and see if reaching out to them feels good.

Allie Hill:

If not, if you want to have connection, you have to be willing to put yourself out a little bit. And if you're not a group person like, if you're not a person that is interested in those sports or clubs, what about going to the kind of like how I started with the personal development? What about going to the kind of like how I started with the personal development? What about putting yourself in the room of? You could go to Knitters, anonymous, I mean something. I don't even know if there's a Knitters, but those kinds of groups you want to have something in common with them. Yeah, so you know whether it's. There are a million groups. You just have to find one that you're willing to put yourself in the room and start slow and give yourself that out. You only have to be there for 10 minutes. It's like you're not signing something.

Allie Hill:

That's it I mean, that's how you make. I think that's how you make new friends. You know, being in a community. What if you have a dog and you're walking that dog at the same time every day and you see that one woman that looks kind of cool you love her leggings or something. She's out there with her dog. What if you met her for a walk date? You know what if you just said, hey, I see you here at 8 am every day? Or what if you, even if you met her for a walk date? You know what if you just said, hey, I see you here at 8 am every day? Or what if you, even if you couldn't muster that because you are put, you know, could potentially be setting yourself up for rejection? What if you just like, got up to her and you start walking and chatting, start small, just start.

Michele Folan:

Yeah, no, I like, I like that a lot. This is we haven't talked about this yet, but how can empty nesting impact a marriage or a partnership? How can couples reconnect after the kids fly the nest?

Allie Hill:

Well, it's a great question and it can go kind of. I was going to say it can go either way, but it can go many ways. I had going to say it can go either way, but it can go many ways. You know, either you're. I had a friend who said my husband can't wait to get the girls out of college. She had two daughters close in age so that we can have I don't know if you say sex on your podcast, I have that and so we can, you know, reconnect all over the house. I'm like wow, wow, that's something. I think they're much younger.

Allie Hill:

Okay, I think that what I would say, what makes more sense to me, is, realistically, like you are looking at your partner for the first time in a long time without, maybe, the buffer or the glue that kept you together. Or maybe, maybe not. Maybe you were great at really prioritizing your relationship with your husband and, yes, you had kids, but you were like this is my primary relationship. I wasn't that way. I was kid first all the way and then, when Izzy was going off to college, I was sort of like, who are you? But I actually started earlier. I did start. I think I made my husband go to couples counseling. Maybe when she was a senior I thought we were going so that he could kind of come up to speed on she's not seven anymore, she's 17. Can we get with the program? Like I'm tired of shielding you from every thing like your, your baby's growing up it really ended up being a how can we stop triangulating and how can we be on the same side of things so that when she departs to college we are the two connected ones and boy learned a lot of things but it's still. You're not in it till you're in it.

Allie Hill:

You know, until she left there were some things to do, and one of them I can remember very vividly was just dinner time. You know, Jim comes home from the office, I'm, you know, figuring out dinner and there we always sat at the kind of the counter, Jim, Izzy, myself, and there was this huge space between us and in the beginning days I would just sort of look at her place and finally Jim said why don't we scoot closer? Why don't we sort of scoot closer and just getting used to that? There were a lot of things that we just had to adjust for that. I kept looking for the manual Again why I wrote the book. Not that it's the definitive manual, but it does address all those things.

Michele Folan:

Yeah, I think that can be hard on a marriage anyway. But there's also just other stuff, just an aging marriage, right that it could probably call some things out at that point too, where we don't talk, right, yeah, and if we do talk, it's always about the kids.

Allie Hill:

Yes, yes, well, I said to Jim, are we going to be that couple that has to bring that little box of like subject cards to the table? And you know, I mean I of course I bought them and I'm like they're sitting there, but then there's, you know, for me they're like not super relatable. You just find you end up finding your rhythm, but it's going to take a little bit of work. But it's going to take a little bit of work and I think when you can bring play and joy back into it, that helps with every aspect of the emptiness phase. This does not have to be the worst, most terrible chapter of your life. If you can allow for the possibility of fun and joy and expansion and growth, it can be the best.

Michele Folan:

Yeah. So if you could go back and give yourself advice, knowing what you know now, what would you say I'd?

Allie Hill:

First it's going to be okay, you're going to survive. It might not feel like it right now, but you will survive. And it's going to take a little while. You're going to have to try some things on some ideas that you think are going to be the thing and maybe they're not. And that's just data, it's just good experience. But if you can remain open to all the possibilities and kind of be a person of, yes, you're going to be amazed at how great this next chapter can be. You're going to grow more in this chapter than any other chapter of your life.

Michele Folan:

Yeah, that's nice, I love that. Yeah, I love that yeah that's nice.

Allie Hill:

I love that, and maybe you'll learn to do keg stands at parents weekend, or at least again they're going to be the do's and do not do's right.

Allie Hill:

I have never done a keg stand at parents weekend. I want to just call that out. I did see it and I wondered if I would be that mom, because there is a part of my personality that kind of like I want to be young. I also want to know if I could physically do it, but I just think drinking beer upside down, it's just not a good idea at any age.

Michele Folan:

No, no, not appealing, not appealing. So, Allie, you work with clients. What does that look like? What do your programs look like?

Allie Hill:

Yeah, so I have a one-on-one program and that is where I coach a client one-on-one. We have calls for an hour. This is something where we just you know someone will reach out to me and we just uncover what they're struggling with, where they want to go, and that's kind of you know, we do a deep dive into creating a really great next chapter for them. Otherwise, I have a your time to shine program. That's more of a group thing and we do the same thing but in more of a community and a group setting. So you're with a bunch of other empty nest moms and there's always the book, the Girlfriend's.

Michele Folan:

Guide yeah, the Girlfriend's Guide. And where can people find your?

Allie Hill:

book. They can get it wherever books are sold. So Amazon, barnes, noble. My website elliehillcoachingcom.

Michele Folan:

Okay, and the book is called the Girlfriend's Guide to Empty Nesting. And I have one more question for you what is one of your self-care non-negotiables?

Allie Hill:

I would say I have so many, but I'd say you have to move. Move your body for a little bit. First thing in the morning.

Michele Folan:

Yep, I love it. Very good advice, allie Hill. This was so much fun. It really was. You're delightful and engaging and I hope people go and get the book.

Allie Hill:

Oh, I hope so too. Thank you so much, michelle. I love being on here. I love your podcast. I think it helps so many women, so thank you.

Michele Folan:

Oh, thank you. Thank you so much, hey. Thanks for tuning in. Please rate and review the show where you listen to the podcast. And did you know that Asking for a Friend is available now to listen on YouTube? You can subscribe to the podcast there as well. Your support is appreciated and it helps others find the show. Thank you.