Asking for a Friend - Health, Fitness & Personal Growth Tips for Women in Midlife

Ep.130 Equine-Assisted Coaching: Overcoming Limiting Fears and Embracing Midlife with Sue Willoughby

• Michele Henning Folan • Episode 130

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As a podcast host, I receive countless pitches from PR agencies recommending guests for the show. While many of them sound great, sometimes the fit just isn’t right—whether the topic doesn’t resonate with our audience or the subject matter feels repetitive. My goal is to bring on women who are making a difference, breaking new ground, and sharing fresh perspectives. These are conversations we may not always have in our everyday circles, so when I received an email about today’s guest, I knew instantly it was a perfect fit.

Sue Willoughby is the founder of Willoughby Coaching, where she helps women over 40 face their personal obstacles and transform their lives through the power of Equus Coaching. This unique approach helps women tap into the profound insights that come from engaging with horses, offering a deeper understanding of leadership, communication, and self-awareness. It’s a powerful way to unlock personal growth and change the trajectory of one’s life.

Sue’s own life story is a testament to resilience. Raised by an alcoholic mother, and navigating her journey of coming out at 17, Sue’s experiences have deeply shaped her coaching philosophy. She is passionate about empowering women over 40 to embrace their authentic selves, drawing from her own journey of self-discovery and independence. Through Equus Coaching, Sue uses horses as a tool to help women gain clarity on their leadership and communication styles, fostering transformation and personal insight.

A pivotal moment in Sue’s life came when she confronted her relationship with alcohol. This decision opened the door to a new sense of clarity and emotional well-being, and ultimately, helped her reconnect with her true self. Her diverse career path—from bartending to stand-up comedy to becoming a pilot—underscores the importance of breaking free from self-imposed limitations and embracing the courage to reinvent yourself. Sue’s journey highlights the value of taking manageable steps when making life and career transitions, and we hope her story inspires listeners to challenge their own fears and pursue new ventures.

In this conversation, we invite women to redefine what midlife and beyond can look like, offering practical advice and personal stories that remind us: it’s never too late to change direction and embrace new possibilities with kindness, curiosity, and a sense of pur

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Michele Folan:

I had a conversation with a client today who was struggling to keep up with everything. Her duties as a mom, a daughter, wife, were all spreading her so thin that she was feeling very defeated when it came to focusing on her health and nutrition. And as much as her family wants her to be healthy, feeling good about herself and happy, sometimes making that commitment to ourselves is the hardest part. What if it doesn't have to be perfect? When you're learning something new, do you expect to be an expert out of the gate? Of course not. If you're wanting to begin your own fitness journey, the most important step is to just get started. I will give you a custom nutrition plan, daily 30-minute workouts for any fitness level, delicious, easy meal plans and plenty of hand-holding and accountability. Reach out to me via email at mfollinfasterway at gmailcom, or on social media or on social media Health, wellness, fitness and everything in between. We're removing the taboo from what really matters in midlife. I'm your host, Michelle Follin, and this is Asking for a Friend. Welcome to the show everyone.

Michele Folan:

When you host a podcast, you get many PR agencies pitching you their clients to be on your show, and sometimes it's just not a good fit. Maybe the topic doesn't mesh with the audience or there may be redundancies in the subject matter. My goal is to bring to the mic women who are stepping out, impacting the lives of others and shedding light on new topics, and these are things that we may not always chat about in our friend circles. So when I received an email about today's guest, I knew this one was a big yes. Sue Willoughby is the founder of Willoughby Coaching, where women over 40 confront their personal obstacles and change the trajectory of their lives with the power of Equus Coaching. Equus Coaching helps you discover the profound impact of nonverbal communication and self-awareness as you engage with horses, gaining insights into your leadership, communication style and personal growth. Oh, and Sue also has a podcast. It's called A Life Worth Being. And Sue Willoughby, welcome to Asking for a Friend, Hi.

Sue Willoughby:

Michele, thank you so much. I love the title of your podcast, by the way. I'm just asking for a friend. You know it's like it has nothing to do with me, just asking for a friend.

Michele Folan:

Well and I do if I'm planning ahead, I will ask listeners for questions that they would want me to ask my guests, but oftentimes they're my questions that I say, oh, I bet my friends would want to know this, right. And so that's kind of how things came to being, and we've become a little more of a health and wellness-focused podcast or platform, which is why I really wanted to talk to you today, because I love to talk to coaches and women that work with other women to kind of help them, in this stage of life, be who they really want to be. So, that being said, tell us a little bit more about you, because you have a really interesting life story that really plays into this path that you're on now.

Sue Willoughby:

Yeah, absolutely. Thanks, Michele. Yeah, I grew up with an alcoholic mother and my parents were together until I was about, I think, 11 or something, but it was always a little challenging around my household. I never quite knew what to expect, and I think that that is where I gained a lot of my independence and also my ability to step outside my comfort zone, because I didn't really have one. I always sort of was you know what's going to happen today, what am I going to be walking into? So, therefore, I'm not as afraid to step out and try new things because I just, you know, that's how I kind of grew up and you know, like I said, it made me very independent. It also made me very, maybe, defensive and also just protective, I guess, of my own personal space and made me sort of put up a wall of protection from others. Rightfully so, because, like I said, I never knew what I was going to expect and it's better to just protect yourself up front and not have to.

Michele Folan:

Yeah, I mean, I think you know, first of all, having a family dynamic that felt different than what other people had, and dealing with an alcoholic mother, you were probably in survival mode.

Sue Willoughby:

Yeah, totally.

Michele Folan:

Yeah, okay.

Sue Willoughby:

Yeah. So I knew that I was kind of responsible for myself most of the time, even from a young age, and when you're little you don't really understand, like what's going on, I don't really get it. And then as you get older, you're like, okay, now I get it and now I'm, you know, just on guard all the time. So, yeah, survival mode and then coming out at age 17 was a challenge, not so much from my family perspective.

Sue Willoughby:

My parents were split at that point and you know, come to find out, my mother was also in the closet and had been most of her life, so she was dealing with her own. You know, I'm not telling stories out of school here for my mom because she's no longer around to defend herself, but this is, you know, this is kind of what came down. So that made it easier and also more challenging at the same time, because my mom was like wanting to hang out at the same places I was hanging out at. Oh dear, not cool, right. I mean, you know, any teenager, it doesn't matter, you don't want your parents hanging out with you.

Sue Willoughby:

So there was that challenge and you know, like I said, I was just sort of finding my own way most of the time and not always making good choices. You know I also went down the road of. You know I was party girl, right. So I was like, okay, if I'm a party girl, people are going to like me, they're going to accept me, and you know that worked. It wasn't the best solution for me growing up, but it was my road into things, right.

Michele Folan:

Right.

Sue Willoughby:

Hey, you know, if you're a partier, you're accepted and you're cool and all that.

Michele Folan:

So when you came out, you said you were 17. What year was that?

Sue Willoughby:

Oh Lordy, it was in the 70s, late 70s, so I'm turning 65 on Friday.

Michele Folan:

Oh okay, Happy birthday.

Sue Willoughby:

So I am smack dab in my midlife. Not crisis by any means, but yeah, so it was in the. I think it was. I don't know, I can't do the math right now, but it was, you know, around 76, I guess 77, somewhere in there.

Michele Folan:

Okay, what was the temperature of things then? How did that feel Different?

Sue Willoughby:

Right, it's not what it is now. I mean there are so many more choices for people in the LGBTQ plus community, not always accepted, but but back then it was definitely different. You know, I had tried to quote-unquote fit into not being gay for a long time and it was like it was not happening. I mean, you know, I did date boys and stuff, but it was usually for their cars or their motorcycles.

Michele Folan:

That's awesome yeah.

Sue Willoughby:

But I would never.

Michele Folan:

I mean, I always was kind of comfortable with who I was and didn't really hide it, so yeah, so I mean I've always sort of known when I was younger, you know having crushes on my third grade teacher and you know my babysitters and well, yeah, I mean yeah, yeah, yeah and, and so that probably felt comfortable to you and so, and so, when you, when you did come out to family, and then your mom came out, you and she came out to me she was not out out.

Sue Willoughby:

She wasn't out out okay, but did that?

Michele Folan:

Did that help your relationship with her at that point?

Sue Willoughby:

Yes and no. I mean, we always had a very challenging relationship, um, and it got more challenging as I got older and, and you know, it was just kind of at a point like, hey, you know, I remember at one point in my life just like not talking to her for two years just because of the alcoholism and the drinking. And she did stop drinking but had never done and never intended to do any personal development work, which you know is not always the best choice. I quit drinking three years ago, in November, and but I had done so much personal development work up to that point and I didn't go to AA, I didn't do anything else, I was just like you know, okay, this is one more thing that I need to, that's not serving me anymore and I just never looked back. So, need to, that's not serving me anymore and I just never looked back. So, but she was always tortured and so, yeah, it was. It was a challenging situation.

Michele Folan:

Congratulations on quitting drinking. How do you feel now, three years in?

Sue Willoughby:

Awesome. Yeah. Yeah, it was a little challenging at first, I will you know. But, like I said, I've never the AA. You know it's great for some people. It just was never my jam and I never thought that it would be. I read some alternative books and listened to podcasts and stuff and, just like I said, got to a point where I felt healthy enough that I could do it on my own. And I did. I started a journal and, you know, was writing down everything of how I was feeling at that time. But I knew, as a coach and just in my life, I wanted clarity, I wanted to be present all the time, not just some of the time, and so that was another part of my decision. So thank you for asking, but yeah, I feel great and thank you for saying congratulations, because some people are like, oh, you quit drinking. Oh, like, what's wrong with you?

Michele Folan:

Right, you quit smoking and people are like good on you. Yeah, I know yeah. I've made that comment before, because I actually was on a panel discussion a couple weeks ago and we were talking about alcohol and it's such an unpopular topic, right?

Sue Willoughby:

Yeah, well, because everything is about that, right, hey, let's go grab a drink, let's go. Much of our socialization is around alcohol and that's okay. You know, I just was like, yeah, but you know it's funny, because I thought I was going to have a hard time because being around my friends and stuff and it just didn't bother me. It doesn't bother me now, and I'm like, hey, good, now I'm the designated driver instead of the designated drunk.

Michele Folan:

You know it's kind of funny, but oh well, it's, I, I'm, I'm happy for you. And back to the thing that you said about having the clarity, it does make such a huge difference in the next day and you may not think that you're fuzzy or not quite 100%, but when you aren't drinking and you have these really great days and you're like, oh, I bet it feels like it's the sleep and it's all the other stuff, so anyway, all right and temperament.

Sue Willoughby:

I think too. I noticed that you know I wasn't as short-tempered and that was a big, a big thing as well, cause you know, if you're not, if you feel a little cloudy or if you feel not so great, you're, in a little, not going to have that.

Michele Folan:

Yeah, patience that you might have with people Exactly. You know, I didn't even know we were going to kind of go down that path, but I'm glad I'm. No, I'm glad we talked about this. That's good, you know, I, I uh, when I was reading your bio, sue, I was cracking up, because you have had many different careers. The hats you've worn over the years, I mean, have had to have shaped you into who you are today. Can you talk a little bit about your path, your career path?

Sue Willoughby:

My career path, the jagged little line that is my career path, and some of those things weren't actual careers. They were things that I did, you know, for a period of time. I'm assuming that you're talking about like bartending and DJing and doing a little standup comedy, maybe a little acting, maybe a roller derby referee, those kinds of things Is that, yes, those things, and a pilot.

Michele Folan:

Are you a pilot too, kinds of things.

Sue Willoughby:

Yes, those things. And a pilot? Are you a pilot too? Yeah, I am a private pilot. I'm not current right now, but you never lose your pilot's license.

Sue Willoughby:

Yeah, somebody gave me a gift certificate for a trial flight and I was like this is awesome, I'm going to take flight lessons. So I took flight lessons, I got my private pilot's license and then, of course, I don't do anything small. So then I had to get a plane of my own. I couldn't just lease one like any other normal person, so I bought a plane with a couple other people and, yeah, you know, but that was fun. And learning to fly in the Pacific Northwest is definitely challenging because we have a lot of micro climates, but it's fun because you can go for the they used to call it the $100 hamburger, where you'd fly into some little podunk airport and have a hamburger. Now it's probably like the $500 hamburger, but it was challenging. And I mean it really. That's one of those things flying and being around horses and all of that stuff. You learn to be in the moment, because you cannot be not in the moment and fly a plane. It's just impossible, because if you're not paying attention, all kinds of things can happen.

Michele Folan:

Oh yeah, absolutely so. You've had all these very diverse life experiences. How do you think this has helped you support and guide women who are maybe limiting themselves in their own?

Sue Willoughby:

Yeah, that's a great question, because I have done so many things. As you mentioned, I also had a very successful corporate career for over 25 plus years as an instructional systems designer and corporate trainer, and that was something that came as part of a life shift for me. When I left the East Coast, I had the opportunity to move cross-country with my then partner and it opened up a whole bunch of different options for me. I went back to school, I got a degree in communications and so forth, and I think that by doing all these things and having all of these experiences, I can challenge people to say, hey, why are you accepting where you are now? What is it that you are afraid of? What do you need to get beyond? What stories are you telling yourself that are keeping you stuck? If you're happy where you are, great and you're completely content.

Sue Willoughby:

But most people that I talk to are not. They want to explore other things but they don't know how. They're intimidated. They're afraid of failing or being judged. I think being judged and failing are the two biggest things that keep people stuck, and that is kind of part of when that horse wisdom comes into it.

Sue Willoughby:

But even without the horses challenging yourself to evaluate where you are, how you got here and all of the things that you've accomplished up to this point that got you to where you are, and usually it's a lot, whether you've raised a family, whether you've had a corporate career for whatever, and maybe you're hitting a ceiling or maybe you're just like you know what. I can't do this job anymore, whether it's a job or a career or whatever. I mean, I walked away from a very lucrative six-figure corporate career and said I'm going to go do real estate now, and I did. I jumped out of a plane and landed on my feet, fortunately, but that was kind of like my metaphor for like leaving the corporate world and trying something new. Now I don't recommend that everybody do that, but there are other things that you can do, maybe tinier steps that will get you closer to your goal or at least get you outside of your comfort zone.

Sue Willoughby:

And I think that when people look at making a change, they look at it especially women as this huge thing that they need to tackle, that they need to be. That needs to be the be all and end all, and they need to be all in and only do that for the rest of their lives. And that's the other thing that I have tried so many things because they've interested me, because I was curious, and it's okay, you don't have to do it for the rest of your life, but do get out there and try things. So I think that you know it's like borrow some of my confidence. Borrow some of my confidence, borrow some of my energy, borrow some of my curiosity, if you, you know if that makes you feel better and let me help you get out there.

Michele Folan:

I love it when women step out like totally out of their comfort zone and do the thing you know, and I admire that so much. What is it, though, about midlife that makes this really a perfect time to take on these new personal changes?

Sue Willoughby:

Yeah, midlife is one of those things where it's like we tag it as crisis. Right, Men go out and buy sports cars or date their secretaries I mean that's, you know, that's a cliche, right, that's so cliche. But women, on the other hand, they feel like they may be exhausted from raising their family and then their kids leave and that's been their whole identity or their career. Their identity is wrapped up in their career and they don't know what to do outside of that. So this is the perfect time to sort of assess where you are and, like I said, what got you where you are.

Sue Willoughby:

All of those things, whether you are in the household, raising a family, I mean, if your kids are still breathing, you did a good job, you know. I mean I don't have kids. There's a reason for that, there's a couple of reasons for that, but I didn't have that maternal instinct, so I can help women kind of like be OK, let's figure out what's going on here. But I think it's a perfect time because you may be thinking about your retirement, if you're in a career, or you may be thinking about starting a business, or you may be just thinking about like, okay, what am I going to do to fill this void of my.

Sue Willoughby:

You know my family moving on. They're going out and doing their own things. Why shouldn't I? Why shouldn't I take some time to myself? You know, I've been taking care of everybody else and I was a pleaser because I figured that that's how I would. You know. I've been taking care of everybody else and I was a pleaser because I figured that that's how I would you know, whether it was my partners or whatever. And I'm like you know what, it's my turn, it's my turn, and be okay with that. I think that's a big thing.

Michele Folan:

Yeah, because there's some guilt associated with that, oh yeah.

Sue Willoughby:

I'm being selfish or I'm being whatever, yeah.

Michele Folan:

I try to tell clients that all the time you need to do this for you and your family will survive. You just need to focus on your health right now. I had a conversation with a friend a couple of weeks ago and her son last child went off to college and she's like I just don't know what to do with myself now. I just haven't done anything and I don't really have any experience. And I mean I can play pickleball and I've got my book club and I said what do you mean? You haven't done anything.

Sue Willoughby:

Yeah.

Michele Folan:

You know. I said I'm sure you've been on plenty of committees. I'm sure you've raised money. I'm sure you've kept the family household together. There's business management skills there that you're not appreciating. And so I said don't tell me that you haven't done anything, because you have, and women need to hear that. Women need to know that they stayed home but they've done many, many things under that stay-home-mom umbrella. So anyway, I got off on a tangent on that one.

Sue Willoughby:

No, and you're absolutely right about that. It's like let's look at all the things you've done, like you just said. Yeah, yeah.

Michele Folan:

I am interested to know about your early experiences with horses and when you started to make the connection that horses could be part of someone's coaching.

Sue Willoughby:

I grew up in upstate New York and I would make my mom drive me to the barn, literally in three feet of snow, so that I could be around horses in. Sub was therapeutic and I wasn't at home and I would much rather be in a situation where I was around these beautiful, wonderful beings that made me feel good and that I could relate to in a different way and get comfort from and also provide comfort for them on some level. So, like I said early on, I was drawn to that energy, that feeling that I got from them, the smell of them. You know, I would sniff my coat when I got home, you know, just because it's a very distinct smell for those of you who have not been around horses in a good way.

Sue Willoughby:

It's sweet, it's all right, I'll get off the horse.

Michele Folan:

No, no, and so I was telling Sue before we started recording. I have been a horse owner. My daughter started riding horses at nine and we did sell the horse when she went off to college. But she still rides. She has a horse now she's 29. And the type of riding she does has changed over the years. But I know as a child I'm sure she very much can relate with what Sue is talking about, that the horses. I can't explain how it's that connection with the horse, but it's also the connection with that community of people that are involved in horses. They're just a very kind, loving, inclusive group of people and so I think it was twofold for my daughter.

Sue Willoughby:

Yes, yeah, the barn, just going to the barn and being with your friends and they're all you know horsey people and all that stuff. I had an opportunity. You know this was once again stuff. I had an opportunity. You know this was once again back in the 70s, late 70s, maybe early 80s, and I saw an ad in the kind of the local newspaper ad I mean this is back in the day, right, there's no apps or anything and I hand wrote a letter. They were looking for camp counselors for various programs, for a camp for individuals, mostly younger individuals with special needs, and they had a horse program and I'm like that sounds really cool. Of course, you know camp salaries are, like, you know, a hundred bucks for the whole summer. Yeah, that's awesome, but you know you go to camp for the whole summer. And so I hand wrote them a letter.

Sue Willoughby:

I got a letter back and I ended up going to camp one summer and was involved in the horse program and it was a therapeutic riding program which I didn't even know existed at the time, and I spent the summer, the hot summer, with the flies and the horses and the sweaty horses and the individuals and all of the special, you know, abilities that they had and it was the most fun that I had ever encountered with horses and I was like, okay, this is healing, this is, you know, not just for me and I also made lifelong friendships.

Sue Willoughby:

You know talk about the community and I actually went into special education for a period of time and worked in special education as a result of this. But just seeing how individuals that were nonverbal, that were on the autistic spectrum or had some physical disabilities could be around these horses and actually thrive, it was amazing and it was fun. It was really fun. And then fast forward many years, I got back into therapeutic riding and volunteered at a therapeutic riding center here in Redmond, washington and was on their training team to train other volunteers and stuff. So I've always known about the healing aspects of horses, so they've just stayed in my sphere, I guess you could say.

Michele Folan:

Yeah, so Equus. How does this work specifically with midlife women when you're working with them with horses?

Sue Willoughby:

Okay, first of all, just to be clear, a lot of the therapeutic horsemanship I've done has been mounted right. So people were riding. This is unmounted. The horses are at liberty, meaning that they are free to roam about the round pen or the arena or wherever the client is. And the biggest thing that the Equus coaching does is it forces women, specifically, or anybody that's in there with the horse, to be present, be present physically, be present emotionally, be present physically, mentally, because, as I said my reference to flying you need to be aware of what's going on around you.

Sue Willoughby:

Now, horses are prey animals, which some people don't really understand because of the fact that they are big and they're strong and they're fast, but they are prey out in the wild. They're prey to someone, so they spend their entire lives trying to assess their environment, to see if they are safe or not. And when we are in their environment, we become one of their herd members. So they need to communicate with us and we need to communicate with them that this is okay, that I'm not going to hurt you, you're not going to hurt me. We have to have some sort of communication and it's nonverbal. So when someone is in the arena with a horse. I may be asking them for an intention or what they want to work on in the session, and then we are having conversations.

Sue Willoughby:

And while we're having conversations or they're interacting with the horse, I'm observing the horse's behavior and the person's behavior, and that gives me a lot of feedback into whether the person is being congruent. You know that their outsides meet their insides, because the horse is not going to lie. The horse is going to be like, uh, yeah, no, I'm picking up a lot of stuff from you that you are not acknowledging, or you may be acknowledging from you that you are not acknowledging, right, or you may be acknowledging but you're really suppressing it. So the horse is going to be, you know. I mean, like I said, they're worried about their safety and they're worried about their. Is this person going to hurt me? And so, yeah, so that's kind of, you know, it's really it's a really interesting feedback loop for the horse to you know, to be involved like that.

Michele Folan:

So horses really are very intuitive animals.

Sue Willoughby:

Oh yes.

Michele Folan:

Okay.

Sue Willoughby:

They don't lie and they don't judge. I mean, that's the other thing. They don't have the ability to lie to you what the horse is going to give you. That's going to be their truth, whether you like it or not.

Michele Folan:

Yeah, and so is there some kind of aha moment that women or your clients will come up. They'll say I get this now. Where does the epiphany come in?

Sue Willoughby:

It can come in anywhere at any time. So I can give you an example I had a client who was walking with the horse and the horse was I think they may have actually had it on a lead rope. So sometimes we'll do that if it makes somebody feel more comfortable. But the horse was walking near this person and the horse was really in their space and, you know, nipping at their coat, you know, and kind of just like in their face, sticking their face in the person's face. And I asked my client. I said you know what's going on there? And they said, oh, the horse is just being friendly. You know that's okay, I don't mind it. And meanwhile they're, you know, trying to push the horse away a little bit. So I said, okay, let's roll with that and see what happens.

Sue Willoughby:

And a little bit further on, the horse is getting more in their space and more in their space. And I said, okay, let me ask you again is that okay with you? Well, you know it's a little invasive, but it's okay. And I said, okay, do you have issues with boundaries in your life, or is this something that comes up for you in real life as well? And they went oh, my God, yes, I am really not good at setting boundaries with people. I'm like oh, all right, jeez, that was obvious, huh. But it's just little subtle things like that. Yeah, the horse is just going to be like the horse is going to give you a mirror. It's going to be like okay, you're having trouble with boundaries, I am going to push your boundaries until you tell me not to.

Michele Folan:

Yeah, the horse totally picks up on that.

Sue Willoughby:

Absolutely.

Michele Folan:

Yeah, I know I can pick and kind of get in your face a little bit, because she probably lets people in her own life do that to her all the time.

Sue Willoughby:

Yeah yeah. It's funny how they know that, but they just pick up on it. It's incredible my horse does it to me sometimes where I act a little snuggly with him and then he's like oh okay, you like that, I'm just going to step on you now. I'm like, no, that's not what we're talking about here. So then I have to reset that boundary and be like okay, big guy, back off.

Michele Folan:

Right, oh, that's so funny. Yeah, any, any. My daughter got thrown off her horse last weekend and I always wonder what's going through his head when he throws her off and Well, and sometimes you know if, if it's a, if it's a situation where you're riding right and it's not.

Sue Willoughby:

I mean, having a partnership with a horse is a partnership and you know they in the wild, they are in a herd and they will look to the herd leader for the leadership and the guidance. And it's not the biggest, strongest, snortingest stallion in the group. Usually they're just kind of off being them, you know themselves. It's typically one of the mares and it is the mare that they're going to look to to say, okay, we just heard something, what was that? And the mare is like it's okay, it's a plastic bag or it's you know, don't worry. Oh, okay, great. And then they go back to grazing, right, so they're going to look to the human for leadership Also.

Sue Willoughby:

I mean like I've had those encounters with my horse as well and I was not reading the signs that the horse was giving me, whatever those were, and it might have been like I am not in the mood today and that happened to me a couple of years ago, just being stupid. I was like, oh, it's practicing at the mounting block with a halter and lead rope, no helmet or anything. I had no intention of getting on the horse and then I was like, oh, this might be fun. And then the next thing I knew I was in the ER with a concussion.

Sue Willoughby:

I got flipped off and my friend came in the arena and I'm just on the ground and my horse is standing there like not saying a word, like I didn't do anything. I'm like, yeah, she did it.

Michele Folan:

She did it herself.

Sue Willoughby:

I wasn't paying attention, I mean I wasn't heeding the messages. So I mean, and they have their moments. I mean they're animals, they're prey animals, so who knows, could have spooked, could have done something. You know, you never know. Mattery's just moody. I hope she's okay.

Michele Folan:

Yeah, a little bruised she x-rays, came back, she's fine. No, no fractures, so we're good there. You know you shared a little bit of a success story with one of your clients. Do you have any other success stories you'd like to share?

Sue Willoughby:

Yeah, I mean, it doesn't have to be a huge thing. Sometimes it's just having someone build some level of awareness that they didn't have before and that, you know, I've been in therapy for like 10 years and I came to this session and all of a sudden I have a lot more clarity. It's because the horse is really cut to the chase. I've had clients that are just, you know, I don't have any joy in my life. Okay, well, that's kind of a broad topic, and it's kind of funny when someone will set an intention. Once we get rolling, it ends up being okay, let's kind of a broad topic and it's kind of funny when someone will set an intention, once we get rolling, it ends up being okay, let's peel back the layers, and it's something completely different. They think they want to do one thing and it's like okay, but in order to do that, we've got to get through some stuff and let's deal with what is, you know, coming back at us right now, someone said you know, I don't, I want to have more joy in my life. Okay, so go interact with the horse. I want to see what joy looks like to you.

Sue Willoughby:

And it was like very stiff, leading the horse around like almost at a march, and I said how, how is that joyful for you? Well, it's not Okay. Well, why isn't it? What does joy look like to you? And by the end of this session they were like skipping around and you know, just stepping outside of their comfort zone and acting in a way that they felt that joy would be judged, that they had a certain persona to uphold and that they had to act a certain way and that if they cut the fool, you know, and had fun, people would think, oh, that person's not serious. So it was, you know. That was just kind of a fun example.

Michele Folan:

Yeah, I love that. I really do so. Sue Willoughby, I have a question with all these things that you've done in your life, what's next for you? You have the podcast. It's called A Life Worth being, which I love the title.

Sue Willoughby:

It's actually my tagline for my coaching business Awaken a Life Worth being. It's perfect. So what's next for me? To just continue to build my coaching business and reach as many people as I possibly can. And you know just, it's for me being in a place and being living a life that I have personally designed and that I feel good about that.

Sue Willoughby:

When I wake up in the morning, I am, I'm happy. You know, if I want to hit the snooze button, I will, you know. I mean that's not the be all and end all, but I mean it's just like I feel good about getting out of bed in the morning. So if I can bring that to other people and also raise my personal vibration and the vibration of those around me so that there is a ripple effect that people can be more engaged, re-humanize I think the pandemic really dehumanized. You know that and I think you know, even when we came out of the pandemic, a lot of us were like we still, we forget how to assimilate and I mean, you know how do we, how do?

Sue Willoughby:

We re-engage with people in a way that's meaningful and just. You know, bring that energy of nonverbal communication and and really looking at other people in a way that there's curiosity and that there's kindness and that there's, you know like, and I feel like I'm in some idealistic bubble, but I mean. But seriously, you know, if we can feel good about ourselves, then we can feel good about others. So I want women to know that you know it's not over, that you have so much more to give and you can pour into and receive.

Michele Folan:

To your point, it's never too late and we may be around 20, 30 plus years. Yeah, and I know my listeners probably get tired of me saying this, but what do you want that to look like? Yeah, you have an opportunity right now to define your life. It doesn't have to be defined by others necessarily, mm-hmm. We're always going to have that loved one to take care of. You know, maybe kids that you know. As I say, bigger kids, bigger problems. I get it. You know, just because they're not living with you doesn't mean that you don't worry about them. But what does that midlife and beyond look like? I think we've got just an amazing ability to change the trajectory of our lives at any time.

Sue Willoughby:

And we have all of the pieces already. And that's part of the thing where you know, as a coach, it's not about me telling you what to do and what changes to make. You already know what to do and what changes to make you already know. It's about me helping you rediscover that and come to the realization and build that awareness. Like oh like you said, I have done all these things, I can start my own business, I have those skills, I acquired those skills up to now.

Michele Folan:

Right, you know about getting coaching, because I think some people still think of there's this stigma of seeking help and not being able to handle this on your own. Can you speak to that a little bit, because I too was probably in that camp until I don't know last year when I got myself some coaching and speak to that from your perspective, if you wouldn't mind?

Sue Willoughby:

Yeah, and I can kind of go back to my mom and her generation. She was born in 1932. I mean, it was just not a thing. You just took care of yourself. And I've done the same thing where, like you said, I was hugely independent. And then you realize that, oh, when I'm around people that are supportive, you know whether it's a coach or whether it's just friends that are not trying to drag you back down and keep you where you are, that are like hey, yeah, that sounds like an amazing thing, go do that, I'm here for you. I had friends that when I was buying my first house they're like we're here for you, we will help you.

Sue Willoughby:

And I mean it's hard to ask for help because there's that pride, there's that all those stories come up I'm not good enough to do it by myself.

Sue Willoughby:

I don't have the blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, all that stuff that just swirls around in our heads and that if we want to be challenged and if we want to get to the next level, you have to be around people that are going to challenge you in a positive way and that are also going to support you. And that's why you can't be afraid to. And it's not asking for help. It's being part of a community or being part of a group that is like-minded individuals. That's why we join masterminds, that's why we, you know, go to conferences, that's why we do all that stuff is because there's other people there that are trying to do the same thing, and it helps you to realize I'm not alone trying to do a thing. There's a bunch of other people out there that are also trying to do a thing, and it may be a similar thing to what I'm trying to do, right, and it's exciting and it really does bring the energy when you're not by yourself.

Michele Folan:

Yeah, we're never alone. Just got to go find that, find that support system.

Sue Willoughby:

Yeah.

Michele Folan:

I need to ask you this what is one of your own personal pillars of self-care?

Sue Willoughby:

I would say, starting my day right is one of the things that I really look forward to. I get up, I let the dogs out, I go make some coffee, and then I come back to bed and I meditate and I journal and I snuggle with my dogs. They don't sleep with me. Then I can say okay, I've gotten my head on straight, I feel grounded, I can start my day. So I would say that that, to me, is really important, that I start my day in that way.

Sue Willoughby:

And having the luxury to do that is really nice. Now, not everybody does. If you have a job, set the alarm a little bit earlier. I know it's easier said than done, but if you're having trouble setting the alarm and you keep hitting snooze, it means that you don't really want to get out of bed. So something in your life needs to change. That's kind of the way I look at it. But me, you know, it's like, okay, I'll get up and it's just a really nice way to ease into the day and it gets me in the proper mindset. So I would say one of my pillars is just starting the day off, right.

Michele Folan:

Yeah, you know. I had another guest recently who said that she made a commitment 30-day challenge. She was going to do yoga and meditate, for in some mornings maybe it was only 15 minutes because, she had to work, get the kids up.

Michele Folan:

But everyone in her family noticed that she even something as simple, that little bit of self-care, was making her feel cared for, that her whole family noticed the change in her mood, yeah, and then she started to notice. So I think those we may think it's a small thing, but it can have big benefits.

Sue Willoughby:

Yeah, and I don't. I mean with meditation and journaling and all that stuff, I make it as easy as possible. I use the Calm app and I do, you know, one of the daily, you know, starting meditations and they're like usually around 10 minutes. And then I use the five-minute journal, which literally is three things you're grateful for. So you start off with some gratitude, three things that would make your day awesome, and then an affirmation. So I mean it couldn't be more simple, but it does kind of get your mindset right, yeah.

Michele Folan:

Yeah, I love it. That's great. I would love to know where people can find you. So a life worth being your podcast and will it be coaching?

Sue Willoughby:

Yes, willoughbycoaching. com Also, I'm big on Instagram. Big, I'm big, I'm an influencer. I I do a lot of my social media on Instagram. So it's Sue underscore Willoughby and there's lots of links and stuff there and you can also. My horse does a weekly wisdom sharing thing called the Monday Moose Minute. He likes to share his wisdom on Mondays.

Michele Folan:

And so it's always fun. Okay, I gotta check that. Actually I did. I did see that this morning. Sue Willoughby, this was a lot of fun. I really appreciate you being here today.

Sue Willoughby:

Thank you so much for having me on your show. It was, it was delightful. I really appreciate you.

Michele Folan:

Hey, thanks for tuning in. Please rate and review the show where you listen to the podcast. And did you know that Asking for a Friend is available now to listen on YouTube? You can subscribe to the podcast there as well. Your support is appreciated and it helps others find the show. Thank you.