Asking for a Friend - Health, Fitness & Personal Growth Tips for Women in Midlife

Ep.121 Midlife Bloomer Living: Yvonne Marchese on Playfulness, Authenticity, and Personal Growth

• Michele Henning Folan • Episode 121

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What is midlife and how do we define ourselves in this phase? I don't believe that we have to fit in a neat little box. Haven't we earned the right to step out with confidence, to explore what lights us up, and not be held to some outdated standard? I've always said that staying stuck because you fear change may be the scariest proposition of all. Reinvention and exploration is a gift we can give ourselves and it doesn't cost a thing. 

Transform your midlife with the inspiring Yvonne Marchese, host of the Late Bloomer Living podcast and author of "In Full Bloom: A Guide to Aging Playfully." Yvonne's journey from acting in New York City to becoming a successful photographer and motivational speaker in Connecticut is a testament to the power of embracing change and stepping out of her comfort zone. She shares her personal transformation, the importance of prioritizing health and well-being, and how a simple 30-day challenge can lead to profound shifts in one's life.

Join us as Yvonne candidly discusses midlife reflections, personal growth, and self-acceptance. Embrace the joy of living playfully while maintaining health, and learn how to navigate societal pressures and internalized ageism. From the liberation of letting her gray hair show to the significance of supportive friendships, Yvonne offers practical tips and heartfelt anecdotes. This episode is a celebration of living fully at any age, filled with insights into self-care, authenticity, and the power of community.

You can find Yvonne Marchese, her book, and Late Bloomer Living at
https://www.latebloomerliving.com/
https://www.instagram.com/latebloomerliving/

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Are you ready to reclaim your midlife body and health? I went through my own personal journey through menopause, the struggle with midsection weight gain, and feeling rundown. Faster Way, a transformative six-week group program, set me on the path to sustainable change. I'd love to work with you! Let me help you reach your health and fitness goals.
https://www.fasterwaycoach.com/?aid=MicheleFolan

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Speaker 1:

Bathing suit shopping was far less painful. This year I hit 200 pounds and I haven't seen this weight in a really long time. I'm not craving sugar like I used to, and the energy I have is off the charts. Yes, these are just a few comments from my clients, but they all have one thing in common Each of them decided it was time to stop making excuses and to prioritize their health and well-being. We are in the driver's seat when it comes to fitness and nutrition. Let me show you what worked for my many clients and me. This is not a diet. These are sustainable strategies you can take with you for a healthier, fitter future.

Speaker 1:

Join me for my next six-week midlife reset. Go to the show notes of the episode or reach out on Facebook or Instagram. I'll be waiting for you. Health, wellness, fitness and everything in between. We're removing the taboo from what really matters in midlife. I'm your host, michelle Follin, and this is Asking for a Friend. Welcome to the show, everyone.

Speaker 1:

What is midlife and how do we define ourselves in this phase? I don't believe that we have to fit in a neat little box. Haven't we earned the right to step out with confidence, to explore what lights us up and not be held to some outdated standard. I've always said that staying stuck because you fear change may be the scariest proposition of all. Reinvention and exploration is a gift we can give ourselves and it doesn't cost a thing.

Speaker 1:

Yvonne Marchese is the host of the Late Bloomer Living podcast and the Age Agitators Club for Women. She's also co-host of the Salty Sisters livestream and a roving reporter for Good Morning Entrepreneurs. She's also an author, speaker and professional photographer on a mission to explore what it means to live playfully at any age. Her book In Full Bloom A Guide to Aging Playfully, reached number nine on Amazon's midlife bestseller list. That's something. Yvonne is a roller skating, paddle boarding age agitator who believes that midlife is filled with possibility and it's never too late to pursue a dream.

Speaker 1:

Welcome to Asking for a Friend, yvonne Marchese. Thank you very much. It's great to be here, nice to be here with you, and I have been on Yvonne's podcast and we decided to reciprocate and I always love doing this with other podcasters and even though we both podcast, we've already had our technical moments this morning. It's always fun when it keeps you on your toes, right. I know, I know Two years in and I'm still screwing up, but that's okay, yvonne, I would love for you to tell the audience you know, like, where you grew up, where you're living now and any kind of family details you want to share.

Speaker 1:

Oh, wow, so I grew up in El Paso, texas, which is on the border of Mexico and New Mexico, and had dreams, from about the time I was six or seven, of moving to New York City to pursue an acting career, which I finally did in my mid-20s, and lived in New York for close to 10 years doing theater, you did, and odd jobs I did. I did. Wait, wait, wait, back up, back up. What kind of stuff did you do? I did a lot of off-off Broadway theater and I did regional theater and I did a tour. One of my favorite roles is Annie Sullivan from the Miracle Worker, and I've done a little bit of Shakespeare, a little bit of comedy, a little bit of dramedy, just a mix of things. I am not a musical theater girl. I've always struggled with the singing and dancing part of it. But, yeah, I did a lot of theater. Well, we'll get to the dancing part in just a second, because I have to ask you a question about that. Second, because I have to ask you a question about that. Well, I now I'm connecting the dots with your.

Speaker 1:

I would say how comfortable you are in front of a camera and doing things on Instagram and this past life with your acting career, so that's very exciting. Funny that you should say that because I was not comfortable on camera. On camera was like a whole other. It feels like a whole other beast, a whole other world than doing theater. And I mean I did a few independent film, student film type things when I was working as an actress. But theater was always more comfortable for me and being on camera was always extremely uncomfortable. Having to go get headshots taken from still photography to all that. I have had to get over myself, michelle, because I have a mission I'm a little mission-driven these days. I eventually realized that I needed to put myself in front of a camera and it was not comfortable, yeah, yeah, but it's. It's gotten better over time actually, so now I have fun with it.

Speaker 1:

So you spent 10 years in New York, yeah, and then where'd you go then? So I met my husband on a theater tour, and that was back in 1997. And we stayed in the city for another five years or so. We got married, we had our first kiddo went down to DC for a couple of years while my husband went to grad school for classical acting, and then we came back thinking we'd come back to New York, but we ended up in his hometown, which is an hour outside of New York City, in Norwalk, connecticut, and that is where we remain to this day. He's one of six, so once we had kids we realized how important the family support was going to be, and so we stayed in Norwalk and we've been really, really fortunate to be surrounded by his family.

Speaker 1:

I always say I won the in-law lottery and he always says what about the husband lottery? I was like, well, that's, we just take that for granted, that's a given. Yeah, that's a given. Yeah, now is he still doing any acting or did he transition to another job? Yeah, he does have another job. He works as the operations manager for a Swiss machine shop where they make tiny little widgets, tiny little precision parts that go into medical devices and things like that. But he's also a professor. He teaches theater, he teaches acting. He is a director. He directs at Sacred Heart University. He directs their classical productions, and he occasionally still gets on stage and does some acting here and there. That's really neat. Okay, I'm loving this.

Speaker 1:

So I have a little bit of a theater background, but I didn't do as like what you did. Like I didn't go to New York and do the 10-year stint there. So, yeah, mine was more like high school musical stuff. So, oh, gotcha, topic for another day. You can sing and dance. You can do that. The singing part that's debatable now. Apparently, I was singing last night and I think I hurt people's ears now, but at one time, yes, I used to be able to sing All right. So we talked a little bit about career path.

Speaker 1:

But then you now are self-employed. You are a photographer. Was this a scary proposition for you? Oh yeah, absolutely. So the photographer thing happened because I went back to work full time at a at a random job. I'm an actress. I have a history of random jobs. That's what you do when you're an actor is you cobble together survival jobs.

Speaker 1:

And, uh, so I was still cobbling together survival jobs after we had our kids and I went and I got a job and then it was the 2008 crash. So I'd been there for four months. I got promoted after three months and let go the month after and I came home and I had been going, michelle. I had been for five years, I had given up acting, I was done and I was also going through a massive identity crisis of like, well, if I'm not an actress, who am I? What am I going to be when I grow up? I don't know what I'm doing.

Speaker 1:

And the momming was great. I loved being a mom, but I felt like there was something more that was missing. So when I got let go, I was in a panic and I was 40 and feeling unemployable at 40, like kind of like. I had no future ahead of me, this sketchy employment background with no real deep industry experience or anything. And what am I going to do? So it was scary.

Speaker 1:

And I came home that day and I was. I said to my husband what am I going to be when I grow up? And he said sleep on it, you're going to figure it out, it's going to be okay. And I woke up in the morning and I had a Shazam moment. I turned to him and I said I want to be a photographer. Had this been a passion of yours before? Did you like photography?

Speaker 1:

I've always loved photography, I've been somebody who admires photography and I had tried to take really good pictures of my kids when they were babies and I had my little point and shoot and I would try to take pictures of flowers and my nieces and nephews, and it was always disappointing. The results were never what I saw in my mind's eye or what I aspired. It's like, oh, you know, you have a vision in your head when you do art, you know, and then if you can't quite make it happen, it's frustrating. So my husband was very supportive, bless him, and we used, you know, the last bit of the amount of our credit and I bought a big camera for the first time and I enrolled in the New York Institute of Photography to study from home and I started my job search, which lasted six months, and I started carrying my camera everywhere. I went and learning and I got a job finally doing customer service.

Speaker 1:

It was quite miserable and felt underemployed and very much like there was no future there and I built, I started doing little photo sessions on the side family sessions, actor headshot sessions, because that was something I was very familiar with and over time finally ended up. You know, I think it took me about six years, seven years to go to, just to feel comfortable enough to go full time as a photographer and started doing baby photos in the hospital at that point to kind of supplement my own business, and yeah, so, yeah, there you go, wow. So, in hindsight, though, do you wish you would have had more confidence in your skill, to go a little faster in your evolution in this role? Sure, but I think I needed to build the confidence. I'm a person who builds confidence through doing things, and I needed that time.

Speaker 1:

And also, photography is a tricky business because it's a lot of weekends, especially when you're doing family photography. Weddings are a great way to make a lot of money as a photographer, but I never would have seen my kids. It would have been all weekends and long days, and so I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to be a mom and be with my kids and run a business, and also I wasn't a business person, so I was having to learn how to be a business person at the same time, and it was. It was a big learning curve, and I think it just took the time it took. And, yeah, I learned a lot along the way and what finally happened, so I ended up finding this route. I thought, okay, maybe newborns is the way to go. I did a lot of research. It was like, okay, maybe newborns because people are home with their babies there, we can do it during the week. It'll be, you know.

Speaker 1:

And then I was introduced to this idea of doing branding photography for entrepreneurs and I was like, oh, that's really cool and it's very story-based. And I was like, oh, that's cool, let's try that. And so I invested in myself. I bought a program to learn how to do branding photography and then I started really studying well, what is branding? What does an entrepreneur need? How can I communicate to them as a photographer and how can I best serve them. And it led me down this whole path of kind of looking at entrepreneurship in a new way and branding in a whole new way. And I was like, wow, I'm not doing any branding for my photography business. I'm not doing any personal branding, I'm not in front of the camera at all, right, so I started to look at what that is and it became interesting.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so you wrote a book and In Full Bloom, a Guide to Aging Playfully, which I love the title because I think it's so appropriate for your personality number one, and then also your love of photography, because you've put in there a lot of your beautiful photos of flowers. I'm curious when you decided, okay, I need to write a book, and also I'm always very intrigued what that process looked like. Oh, my goodness, I may have to go back a little bit and mention that you know, after I went full time as a photographer, you'd think, yay, her life is happy and everything's awesome now. But I was 48, at the age of 48, I was full-time and I was doing my thing and there was still something off, I have to say.

Speaker 1:

All through my 40s I felt like I wasn't living up to whatever potential might be inside me, and probably a little low-grade depression, a little loneliness, was going on. I was hitting the snooze button every morning because I did not want to get out of bed. I was up late every night editing photos after the kids were in bed and it would set me off my mornings on a really tough note because I was up putting out fires right away and that one morning I yelled at my kid because it was like let's go, we're late, you know, and they were little. So I got up late. I was the problem because I hit the snooze button too much. And then they got up late and then I'm expecting them to move quickly so we can get out the door. And I was like, oh, reality, check what is going on here. And I thought why does everybody else seem to have it figured out? I'm almost 50. What is wrong with me? And I started going down the self-help route of trying to figure out what can I do to shift this.

Speaker 1:

And I found Mel Robbins' book, the Five Second Rule, and she talked a lot about the snooze button and that that was an aha moment for me. I was like, oh, that that's a problem. And so I decided to start a 30-day challenge, because I love 30-day challenges. I didn't know this about myself at the time, but I do. So the 30-day challenge was I am going to set my alarm clock across the room, I'm going to get up an hour before my family for me time, and I've always wanted to be a regular person who meditates. I've told myself I did yoga all the time, but it was really inconsistent. I was like I'm going to move my body every day and I'm going to meditate and that's my 30 days and we're just going to see what happens.

Speaker 1:

And it was really hard to get up that early because I was not a morning person, but I did. And after a couple of weeks I started feeling a lot better and I was like, wow. And then, after I don't know how long, maybe a month or two I went in to wake up my kid one day and they didn't know what I was doing and I said hey, it's time to get up. And he said you seem happier, mom. And I was completely blown away and it was the evidence that I needed to know that I was on the right track.

Speaker 1:

And after some time, michelle, I started realizing that because I was taking care of myself in the mornings. I was like I'm almost 50 now and I feel better than I felt for almost a decade because I'm taking care of myself. Wow, what else is possible? Like I didn't expect to feel this good now. Huh, I was just thinking maybe it's not all downhill from here. And that was an aha moment because I realized that all through my forties I had been telling myself it was all downhill, that all the little physical things that were going wrong with me it was age. Of course I'm falling apart, I lost my keys. Where's my phone? Senior moment, of course, it's all down the middle. Perimenopause, oh my gosh, and I had no idea. I didn't even know about perimenopause. Now I know that that was a lot of what was happening, but it was age. I was just age and when I started getting hopeful, feeling good and thinking about my next 20 and 30 years with a different lens, with a different set of sunglasses.

Speaker 1:

It was a game changer that led me to start the podcast. I'm getting to answer your question here. I swear that led me to start the podcast because I thought I can't be the only one who feels like this. Yeah, that took me two years to start that podcast, though. Time, money, lack of self-confidence, all of it. Been there. Finally did it. Then, after a couple of years of doing that, I was like kept hearing you know, you should write a book, books are good, books are good, books are good. And I was like I'm not ready yet. I'm not ready yet. I'm not ready yet. I'm not ready yet.

Speaker 1:

The podcast has nothing to do with photography. They are not tied together at all, except that my photography business is the sponsor of my podcast, that's it. But an aha moment came back to me again, where I was like I have all these flower photos. Well, it didn't start with that. I looked up the word bloom one day because I was trying to write something and I needed to unstick myself and I looked up this word bloom, the definition, and there's all these little variations of the word bloom, how it's defined, but so many of them referred to youth and were tied to the idea of youthfulness and I was like, oh, wait a minute, what if I rewrite these definitions and leave out any reference to youth, the idea that we can blossom at any time, that this is your time, that you can. You know that this is your time, that you can be in your prime now. And that's when I was like blooms photos, oh, all the ideas started going off and then it became a little photo gift book with quotes and things and it's an inspirational little pocket-sized happy book. Little pocket-sized happy book, yeah, and knowing you as I do now and your personality, that was perfect. That's a perfect platform for you and get to showcase your beautiful photos. So congrats, I think that's awesome. Thank you.

Speaker 1:

That was like the longest answer to a question ever, michelle, and that's okay, because I ask questions and my role here is just ask questions and let you do the talking In my real life. When I'm talking to people, I'm probably not very good at that, but when I do this, I am much better at letting people talk, better at listening. So you've been doing the podcast now for four years. Yeah, give us an idea of what kind of topics. I know what kind of topics you cover, but the audience would love to know what kind of topics you cover. Like, what are you trying to convey to your audience? So it started off for the first three seasons of the podcast, I was very dedicated to the idea of having regular people on who had come up against that feeling that I had come up against in midlife, which is some sort of feeling of being stuck or something's not right, what has gone wrong with my life all of a sudden, but had some aha moment around it and then did the work to figure out how to get past it and had some sort of breakthrough a pivot moment, if you will and so I wanted to talk about that, to show people that it's possible.

Speaker 1:

If you are feeling stuck, you don't have to stay there, you don't have to stay stuck. So I interviewed people for the first three years very solidly about that and I avoided having people on to talk about their expertise around certain issues. It was really very focused on their personal story. But then, as time went on, I was like, you know, there's so many issues that we do come up against in midlife and beyond and I wanted to address that a little bit more often in the podcast. So now it's a mix. Sometimes I bring people on, like you, to talk about health and nutrition in midlife, right. I bring people on to talk about menopause and balancing hormones.

Speaker 1:

I've had somebody on to talk about managing our fear of dementia, which I think is wicked and real, and she had a really interesting, different take on it, you know, which was not to. You know not. Most of the time you hear dementia stuff, it's like these are the things that you can do to avoid it and she was like well, let's. They were like let's talk about how to manage our fear of it. Yeah, cause that's not helpful. Yeah, so these this is where the podcast. That's kind of been the journey of it, and I'm on a break now. I'm in between seasons and we'll see where season five goes. I'm looking forward to seeing where this goes.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, you know, I have written down here on my paper and I'm not sure why I did, but it was my note says internalized ageism oh, big time. What does that mean to you? So internalized ageism is what was happening to me all through my 40s and I didn't know that's what was happening to me all through my 40s and I didn't know that's what was happening to me. And once I became aware of what it was doing to me, it was impossible for me not to see it. And Becca Levy's book Breaking the Age Code was a massive aha moment for me when I read it this year. Finally, I've been hearing about it for all this time and I don't know why it took me so long to read it, but she solidified for me and she's a gerontologist and she's done all these studies around our attitudes towards aging and how they affect our health and our mindset and our everything and what I read in her book.

Speaker 1:

There was one particular phrase she used that was self-referential that you know we've got ageism all around us. It's real, it's a thing, it's very accepted and what happens is it comes inside and it lives in us. It becomes internalized ageism, which isn't a big deal until you start to get old and then it's self-referential and then you are holding yourself back from living your best life because of your own attitudes towards what you're capable of as you get older. That's my belief. You explain that beautifully. You explain that beautifully. I love that and, watching you, I think you embody that. I really believe you do embody that. You have a beautiful self-deprecating humor that I think is really fun and, personally, I think the greatest gift we can give ourselves is permission to be comfortable just being us and not worrying about what other people define us as or what people define 55, 60, whatever right.

Speaker 1:

Do you ever worry about like embarrassing yourself Because you've done some stuff Like you were learning how to do the shuffle dance, which that cracked me up because I would love were learning how to do the shuffle dance, which that cracked me up because I would love to learn how to do the shuffle dance but you put yourself out there. Do your kids ever say, oh my God, mom, what the hell are you doing? They are used to it. They're pretty patient with me. My younger son went through some time where he was like mom, you know, if the book if I will say right now, if Bohemian Rhapsody comes on and I am in the car driving, all bets are off. I am loud and headbanging with the. You know that part, that part in the song where it just goes crazy, that's me and he'd be like mom. That part in the song where it just goes crazy, that's me and he'd be like mom. Mom, you know, but they're used to me. I am a goof, I just am.

Speaker 1:

And there's a lot about what you just said that I want to address that idea of accepting ourselves. When I started the podcast, I was very in love and enamored with the idea of personal reinvention and I've come to realize some this is not my quote, I got it from somebody else, can't give them credit because I don't know their name, but I heard the phrase reinvention isn't about changing yourself, it's about changing the way you think about yourself. And when I heard that, I was like and when I heard that I was like, yes, oh my gosh, yes, it is changing the way we think about ourselves and that takes off like there's all this pressure, I think, for self-improve't give ourselves credit for our awesomeness, yeah, the things that make us weird and goofy, or I am purposefully trying to lean into that part of myself now because I tried to hide it for so long. I was always a geek. I was a Star Wars fan card-carrying member of the Star Wars club oh my gosh, the Star Wars fan club. I've just always been nerdy and I tried to wear the normal clothes all through my 20s. And now I'm like you know what it's exhausting world. And now I'm like you know what it's exhausting. It's exhausting trying to put that out into the world, and so I try to walk the walk as much as I talk the talk.

Speaker 1:

These days, I am very enamored now with the idea of living playfully at any age and less and less focused on improving myself. So I do thing, I do things to try to stay healthy. I do things. You know I am. I guess I still am trying to improve myself. I'll probably never get past that, but I'm trying to do it in a way that is playful, instead of beating myself up trying to make a better version of myself. So I want to say this In order for us to live playfully for the next 20, 30 years, we have to have health. I believe that too. Okay, the two go hand in hand. And so I don't look at anything that I'm doing now about improving myself. It's really about how do I want the next 20, 30 years to look.

Speaker 1:

I, to a big degree, control that, as do you, and you did the 11-minute-a-day physical challenge Back to your 30-day challenge. You loved your challenges, and so I'm curious what motivated you to do that and are you keeping up with this, because you might want to explain what it was, yeah, yeah, so I'll tell you what motivated it. First, it was spring and I had on a sleeveless shirt for the first time in a while, and I looked at my arms in the mirror and went oh, you know, the flab was. The flab was real, and I've been doing a lot of. I know I need to be. I need to see all the shoulds and needs and all the things that are coming out.

Speaker 1:

Okay, just want to acknowledge that I want to start lifting heavier weights and I want to continue to build. I want to put a real focus on building muscle, because we do lose muscle so easily at this point, and I do want to be somebody who can be independent for as long as I live. I just want to point out that I don't think that the playfully is completely impossible if you don't have health. There's things that can go wrong that we have absolutely no control over, can go wrong that we have absolutely no control over, and I think that we can continue to be playful with life, no matter our circumstances. That that is a mindset.

Speaker 1:

Oh, true, and that's something, and it's and I'm saying that because it's a personal journey for me right now, because I tend to be a person who grinds and works really hard and I'm a hardaholic and I, you know, doing all the things and to-do lists that are 50 miles long, you know, and you know, tend to beat yourself up at the end of the day when I look at what didn't get done on the list instead of looking at what did get done, and so I am trying to set aside more time in my day to play, literally play, and that definition of play is quite wide, by the way. It's not about roller skating, it's not about dancing, it's not about any of those things. It's about whatever makes me feel good, and I have a list it's called the playlist me feel good, and I have a list it's called the playlist of the things that make me feel good. Sometimes that's meditation, sometimes it's taking a nap, taking a bubble bath, like anything that can shift the stress and turn it and transform it somehow. That's on my playlist and the real goal is to be able to continue to do the things that are on my to-do list and do them with a mindset of, like experimentation and oh, I get to do this, not I have to do this, because most of the things that are on that list, I chose them, I put them there, so I think I've gone off on a rant. No, no, you didn't be. I think I like the fact that you have a list and you look at it as things that I get to do rather than I have to do, because we can make some very long to-do lists and, at the end of the day, if you look at it and you've only checked off three things, it can be very self-defeating. It's really how do I feel at the end of the day, rather than what did I get accomplished? Yeah, we're such human doings, I know, instead of human beings, you know, I know, and that's part of so.

Speaker 1:

When I take on 30 day challenges these days, I'm trying to take them on in a sense of playfulness, and so the 11 minute challenge was 11 minutes of pushing myself to to do the things that I don't actually enjoy doing, when I'm working out which is sweating, working out which is sweating planks, different things like that and my friend, kat Corchato, helped me out with some of that stuff. We did some YouTube videos together because she's a movement coach and she knows how to do things. So people started to ask me well, what program are you doing? And I was like I'm doing the things that I know I should be doing anyway and I don't really have a program I'm following. So Kat stepped in and helped me do that for a few people who wanted guidance. That's a good friend. That's a good friend. Yeah, yeah, it was fun. It ended up being really fun, you know.

Speaker 1:

And yes, I'm still moving my body every day. I'm not doing as much weightlifting as I would like because I fell on my skates and I tweaked my shoulder, and now I'm doing physical therapy, all right. So I'm building back, but I'm still dancing, I'm still trying to dance and I'm still skating, all right. Even. I'm looking forward to seeing what your next challenge is. So you let me know when the next challenge is coming, because I don't know if I'll take on a new one yet, because I'm still doing the dance, the shuffle dancing. I haven't posted as much about it, but I am still doing it and I'm learning dance, skate moves and I'm hoping that the two go together, michelle, like they crisscross a little bit. Oh God, oh Lord, here she goes. Yeah, this will be very fun. I can tell already I'm going to shift gears a little bit.

Speaker 1:

All right, you decided to let your hair go gray and it looks beautiful, by the way, thank you. Thank you, and I'm curious what made you decide I'm not coloring my hair any longer, and what advice would you give other women who are on the fence? Laziness, okay, I mean it kind of. That's partially true. I was having trouble keeping up with it. I was coloring my own hair because I don't want to go to the salon and spend how much it costs to do that. It's so crazy and uh, and I was having to like all the no, people can't see, but up around my the front of my hairline is that's very gray right around the front of my hairline, and so every three weeks I was like, oh my gosh, there it is again and it was exhausting and I didn't enjoy the process and then I started thinking about my message about this internalized ageism stuff.

Speaker 1:

And I thought, well, why am I coloring my hair? I'm coloring my hair to cover the gray that's there naturally, and that is a way of denying who I naturally am. What my body's doing right now, my body is turning, you know, turning my hair gray. So, again, like I said, I try to walk the walk as well as talk the talk. And I thought, well, okay, let's try growing it out. I reserve the right to change my mind at any given moment, because I'm not, I don't want to be the aging police for anybody. If people want to color their hair, color your hair, but if you don't, don't you know like I think we need to be kinder to each other as we age. And if you're breathing, you're winning. Just consider yourself winning and have as much fun as you can, do more of what makes you happy. And I feel so much freer since I stopped the coloring.

Speaker 1:

I had a whole sneaky way. I did it, michelle. I kept coloring the part line on one side and after it grew out enough, I switched the part line over to the other side. So I never got the skunk stripe because I'm vain and I didn't want to have the skunk stripe because my hair is dark. So what isn't gray is black right now, and I didn't want to have that whole experience of that. So that's what I did, and I still have a little bit of color at the tips of my hair right now. So that's what I did and I still have a little bit of color at the tips of my hair right now. It's still growing out. It's taken a long time and I'm really happy with my choice. It looks fantastic. Can I just say you've got beautiful hair. It works for you.

Speaker 1:

And I did a show on my podcast and it was a dear, dear best friend who decided to go that path and I wanted her to tell her story because, like you, there was a strategy involved in how you do it and her hair is gorgeous. I mean, it looks phenomenal on her and I can't even remember now what she looked like with brown hair. But I think it's always a very brave choice to make and that's why I wanted to know how you decided. I will say this Now it's part of my brand because it is what I'm doing, so I am leaning into it. I'm leaning into being older.

Speaker 1:

When I look in the mirror these days, all through my 40s, I would look in the mirror and go who is that old person? And now I look in the mirror and I'm like, hey, you're looking good lady, and I just am committing to not beating myself up anymore. Also, I am no longer in the entertainment industry at the whims of somebody else who is in charge of whether or not I get cast in a production or a show or a TV show, and I'm not in the tech industry, where I believe there's a lot of ageism. So I can understand. There are industries where people may be working, where they need to remain as youthful looking as they can for as long as they can, and that's a thing. Yeah, I am free of that because of the way I've set things up Right. Yeah, and that's the gift you gave to yourself and I love it.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I want to know what's next for you. What do you have on the horizon? I do too. I wish I had a crystal ball, michelle. What is next for me? Well, I'm on a little break right now. I'll be starting up the podcast again in the fall and in the meantime, I have my youngest kid has got one more year at home with us, senior in high school and I am planning to. I've kind of put the brakes on plans around growing my business until after he leaves, because I want to be available to go to track meets and to do all the things that and I just want to. I want to absorb this. Last year with a kid at home, yeah, and I'm going to cry, oh. That said, I feel like I've set myself up as well as possible to step into being an empty nester because I have this podcast and because I have this photography business. I have two things that I do that I absolutely love, and I've met all these amazing people like you and seriously, having a podcast is a great way to make friends. It really is. I never expected it, never in a million years, yeah. So the sense of community that is filling my world right now is beyond what I ever expected for myself.

Speaker 1:

At this point, and once my kiddos are launched, I'd like to be speaking more. I'd like to do some motivational speaking. I'd like to get people aware. I want people to be aware of this internalized ageism thing and how detrimental it truly is, because every conversation I ever hear in a gathering of people of a certain age Michelle is aging, sucks. Aging is awful. It's oh, everything is downhill, it's just, it is just all around and I just want to hug people and say stop doing that to yourself, please. And I think it starts with awareness.

Speaker 1:

For sure, and on that note, it's kind of one of my questions I ask everyone what is one of your own pillars of self-care? Meditation Every morning, every morning. It has made a huge difference for me and I'll say this a lot of people say I can't meditate. I don't meditate because I can't, I can't quiet my mind, I can't, I can't. There is no right way to meditate and there are mornings that my mind is like bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing. But the way it has affected my life, I cannot deny, and I've actually checked in with my husband and said am I imagining this, honey? Am I better at dealing with stress? Am I, am I, am I calmer? And he's like you, definitely are. I know that I feel better when I meditate. So that's a pillar for me, and I also think you're in a good place in your life too, and that also is the icing on the cake for you as well.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yvonne Marchese, where can the listeners find you and also your book Latebloomerlivingcom will pretty much send. That has everything. I'm on Instagram a lot doing my shenanigans and my 30-day challenges. So that's Late Bloomer Living as well, and the book is on Amazon and you can also find it on my website. Perfect, this was fun. Yeah, oh my gosh. Thank you, I had so much fun. I'm glad we got to do this. Thanks for being here today. Thank you, I am so grateful for the ratings and reviews from our listeners. Did you know that your reviews help other people find Asking for a Friend? If you like what you hear, won't you please leave a review on Spotify or Apple? Thank you from the bottom of my heart.