Asking for a Friend - Health, Fitness & Personal Growth Tips for Women in Midlife

Ep.111 Achieving Sobriety and Midlife Authenticity: A Quest for Holistic Healing with Heather Lowe

• Michele Henning Folan • Episode 111

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Dry January, Dry July, Sober October, or a Tuesday... there never seems to be an ideal time to try white-knuckling it through 30 days of no alcohol. It is always the wedding, family reunion, vacation, or birthday that stands in the way of completing this sometimes daunting task. But what might you gain from giving your body and mind a break from drinking? Are you concerned that you might find you like life better and feel great without it? 

Many of my guests on the podcast are women, just like you. Some of them are entrepreneurs, writers, creatives, or health and fitness enthusiasts. Many have overcome obstacles to go on to do amazing things. Today's guest is no exception. Heather Lowe is an award-winning sober coach, guiding high-achieving women to drink less before it gets worse. She is also a mentor for other sober coaches. Heather provides a modern and customized female-focused solution that doesn't involve shame or deprivation. 

In this episode, Heather Lowe shares her riveting story of combating the pressures of drinking culture and embracing sobriety. We explore the often painful journey to sobriety, discussing the challenges of moderating alcohol consumption and the relentless cycle of shame that many face. 

Heather's 100-day alcohol-free experiment may just be the lifeline you need, illustrating how community support and holistic methods can usher in a newfound sense of joy and purpose. We also unpack the myth of 'health benefits' associated with moderate drinking, stressing the critical importance of making informed decisions about alcohol consumption.

Discover how sobriety reshaped Heather's friendships, social life, and even family dynamics. From strengthening bonds to richly rewarding 'solo dates,' hear about the profound personal transformations that come with quitting alcohol. Heather also shares valuable resources and success stories from her clients, shining a light on the ripple effect of recovery coaching. This isn't just about quitting alcohol; it's about embracing a life of authenticity, self-love, and professional growth. Don’t miss out on this heartfelt and transformative conversation.

You can check out Heather's Amazon storefront for "quit lit" book recommendations at:
https://www.ditchedthedrink.com/

https://www.linkedin.com/company/ditched-the-drink/
https://www.instagram.c

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Are you ready to reclaim your midlife body and health? I went through my own personal journey through menopause, the struggle with midsection weight gain, and feeling rundown. Faster Way, a transformative six-week group program, set me on the path to sustainable change. I'd love to work with you! Let me help you reach your health and fitness goals.
https://www.fasterwaycoach.com/?aid=MicheleFolan

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Michele Folan:

Alrighty, tell me if this sounds vaguely familiar. You've been trying to lose body fat, but getting frustrated. You're tired all the time, lack energy and are maybe sleeping poorly. You've tried the restrictive, fad diets and crazy cardio, only to gain back the weight and then some. You want to focus on your health and gain muscle to make your coming years the best they can be, and you're really motivated to transform your body and have sustainable results.

Michele Folan:

So everyone this was me to a T. So I did my research. I looked at all the coaching plans out there and knew I wanted one that combined both fitness and nutrition, was macro-based and had an app to keep me on track. Faster Way had all of this and more. And, best of all, it is a perfect match for women in midlife. I'd love to tell you more and see if I'd be a good match for you as your coach. My contact info is in the show notes of this episode. And now on to the show Health, wellness, fitness and everything in between. We're removing the taboo from what really matters in midlife.

Michele Folan:

I'm your host, Michele Folan, and this is Asking for a Friend. Many of my guests on the podcast are women, just like you. Some of them are entrepreneurs, writers, creatives, health and fitness enthusiasts. Many have overcome obstacles to go on to do amazing things. Heather Lowe is an award-winning sober coach, guiding high-achieving women to drink less before it gets worse. She is also a mentor for other coaches. She provides a modern and customized female-focused solution that doesn't involve shame or deprivation. Heather Lowe, welcome to Asking for a Friend.

Heather Lowe:

Oh, my gosh. Thank you so much. I'm so happy to be here, I love how you just described some of your listeners and I felt like I fit right in when you said entrepreneur and writer, and creative and interested in health and wellness and have overcome an obstacle. So what a good place to be, thank you.

Michele Folan:

Well, thank you for being here and, yeah, I think part of this podcast we bring a lot of experts on medical experts, health experts but some of the shows that resonate the most with the listeners are when I do bring on women that are really walking in the shoes that we're all walking in every single day. So I would like you to fill in some of the gaps for our listeners of a little bit more about you, sure.

Heather Lowe:

Yeah, so I grew up in Wisconsin. My parents met in a beer tent. My dad was a bartender party guy, so that was pretty like par for the course for growing up in Wisconsin. I went to college and got my degree in social work and I met my husband there in a bar. Of course, we're all good, let's restart right. And we moved to Chicago. We got engaged, we got married, we have two daughters, and so we're still here in Chicago. He loved the Chicago Bears and I loved Oprah Winfrey, so we thought Chicago was definitely the right place for us.

Michele Folan:

Yeah, definitely the reason to stay in a town. Now, how old are the girls?

Heather Lowe:

So now they're 19 and 16. I just fall off my chair saying that, right, because they were babies yesterday. You know how it is. But I had a degree in social work. But I very quickly realized that I couldn't change the world quite in the way that I wanted to unless I was going to go and write policy, which I didn't want to do. So I switched very early in my career from social work to human resources and then most of my career I actually sold HR solutions locally, regionally, nationally and even globally, and so that was kind of my career track.

Heather Lowe:

My drinking went right along with the rest of my growing up. I started drinking in fields and barns in Wisconsin in high school and then moved to bars and dance clubs in college. And then when we moved to Chicago, the first place I worked was sort of like the college. After college it hired a lot of new grads, so we were doing happy hours and baseball games and concerts and all these fun things as young urban professionals. And then when I had my children I worked part-time.

Heather Lowe:

My husband traveled a lot for his job and we chose this together, that he would work more and I would be home more with the kids. But I also wanted to work part-time, thinking it would be the best of both worlds being home with my kids and also keeping my career. And it was the season of mommy wine culture. Having a little bit of wine in the afternoon on maternity leave felt very European, it felt very grown up to me and I was just sort of like playing house, right, right. And so what happened, though, through the years, is that I well, I would get a happy hour whenever I could at work so I could drink for work, because my husband was gone all the time. I was really I was. I didn't realize this at the time, but it was very lonely to have a husband gone and two little ones and to do that bedtime, bath time, dinner time routine and also have to go to work and then have to come home and pick up the kids and do the whole thing. The second shift, right, the first shift at work, and then the second shift at home, when I was very extroverted and very outgoing and it's sort of like my social life came to a crashing halt. And then my husband was in sales and he was ordering seafood towers and going to private Katy Perry concerts and being in Vegas all the time. He was having the time of his life drinking and he was getting rewarded in the workplace for it. Meanwhile I was at home changing diapers and taking out the garbage. So I started drinking alone for the first time, like just a little bit of wine, you know, at night, just to kind of take the edge off. But alcohol is a substance that creates dependence and over time I was having more and more.

Heather Lowe:

What happened that made it concerning is I was hit with three deaths in a row. One was my dad and two were my friends that were my age, men that died without warning, leaving families behind, and I was asked to do these three eulogies in the span of three years, and so I really wanted to do a good job. I was already kind of at the end of my rope moving up in my career. Drinking was part of the job. Often I was the only female in all male sales teams, so it was a great way to be part of the old boys club and I was kind of burning the candle at both ends.

Heather Lowe:

I was having late night events for work and then early morning events for work and then trying to keep my house running and being there with my kids and I was pretty miserable and I never wanted to drink too much at work, so I would have two drinks at the event and then I would come home and drink yeah, like for real, like with my bottle of wine on the couch by myself, because I wasn't going to embarrass myself in front of anyone or I felt like I had the freedom to do that and like I needed to unwind after work. So drinking was already increasing. Being hit with these deaths changed it, because I wanted to perform. I wanted to perform these beautiful eulogies. I wanted to make them and the people that they loved proud. So I didn't allow myself to feel the pain and the grief of those losses and I just stuffed it down. And then, by the time the services were over, I just told myself to get over it. It was over and you have to move on and no wallowing and just buck up and let's go.

Michele Folan:

But don't you think a lot of things in adult women's lives are like that, though, where so many of the things that come our way in life were really asked to just kind of suck it up?

Heather Lowe:

Yeah, like robots, right, like the ideal thing would be to not feel. And the other thing is I had never learned to cope Like. Alcohol had always been part of my life and it wasn't always a problem and it was a gradual increase, but it was so normalized in my upbringing I never considered not drinking and I never saw a happy, sober person. Like if somebody wasn't drinking, shame on them. They were bad drinkers and they had to sit in the corner and not enjoy the party.

Michele Folan:

I will say this just based on my background and then also doing those podcasts, and we talk about drinking quite a bit. There's really two camps. There's those of us that grew up where alcohol was very accepted and maybe we started drinking early in high school, like you said, in fields and barns or friends' basements and I started high school in 1978. So I'm a little bit older. And then there's the other camp where maybe someone didn't start drinking till college or even after. I've interviewed women who didn't start drinking alcohol until they were in their early thirties. But they've all kind of come to the same place. Where you are or where I was. Is that I need to make a change? But it's getting to that, that place. So I didn't mean to interrupt you but but I just wanted to point that out because we all kind of have a different background or different experience with alcohol or when we started drinking.

Heather Lowe:

Yeah, and I think, but mostly, probably most of us didn't really question it. You know, like for some it's a rite of passage, whether that's high school or college I mean college culture, for sure, or even work culture, or just women. And I think in the recent past, like there's wine on every dish towel and baby onesie, like it's everywhere, it's in your face, saying this is how we have fun, this is how we bond, this is how we relax, this is how we empower ourselves, and even like this is how we rebel against society's expectations of us, or something like bad moms, you know, like the movie bad moms, or something like that, like we're going to get wine and we're going to go crazy.

Heather Lowe:

You know what I mean, and the truth is you know what I want to go crazy. I want to be a rebel, I want to be empowered, I want to have fun. But it's not alcohol that does that, unfortunately. It feels like it for a minute, but it's fool's gold because of what it's actually doing is increasing anxiety, increasing depression. It's hurting you, it affects all systems of the body, so it's actually really hurting you and it's taking your power away, not to mention the shame and the guilt that many people feel after drinking too much.

Michele Folan:

Yeah, mom's gone bad, and it centers around alcohol usually, and we've gotten that message loud and clear through the years. I am curious, though, when you realized it was getting in the way.

Heather Lowe:

Yeah. So it's very interesting because, looking back on my, I always was a writer so I was always journaling. Looking back in my journals, I was the legal drinking age 21. And I was afraid I was an alcoholic at that time and so I always knew I liked it more than most One. It was in my family but I was like my dad, who quit drinking when I was very young, but it was because he had a problem and it's what you would call a classic alcoholic at that time and I didn't feel like I was like him in that way and so I just I never wanted the party to end. So I always knew that I liked it more than most.

Heather Lowe:

It was this it wasn't alcohol that seemed like the problem. I protected that. It was anxiety that felt like the problem and, to be honest, it felt like my husband was the problem and that I was kind of drinking at him or again, drinking because of my own resentment or anger or unexpressed emotion. So I went to my employee assistance program and I asked for a therapist with substance use a specialty, and I got three visits and on the first one I said I'm afraid that I drink too much and she kind of talked me through it and what she determined was I don't drink too much, I don't have a drinking problem, I have an anxiety problem. So she put me on anxiety meds and said I could keep drinking.

Heather Lowe:

I was thrilled. I was thrilled. The expert told me I could keep drinking. So I went, I was thrilled, the expert told me I could keep drinking. So I went, stopped and got a bottle of wine and came home and called everybody I knew and said good news, it's not drinking, it's anxiety. And now I've got this medication for anxiety. Well, the truth is I shouldn't have been drinking on this medication because the result like I used to know how much I could drink and what the effect would be Now alcohol mixed with medication was turning me into a walking blackout, unpredictably, not even drinking very much, oh that's malpractice.

Michele Folan:

I mean that's crazy.

Heather Lowe:

It gets a little crazier. Actually, I think her goal was harm reduction and because I wasn't driving after drinking, I mean I obviously wasn't like physically abusing my children or anything like that. The biggest problem for me was if the kids saw me drinking too much and said something about it, that sort of changed the dynamic in a family and I didn't like that, right Like I would lose some respect and I didn't like that. So she suggested that I hide the drinking from the kids, like just wait until they go to bed, and in fact I have a bonus room off my bedroom which is like above the garage and it's my closet, and she suggested that I just drink in that closet and hide it from the kids.

Heather Lowe:

Oh, I know, the crazy thing is I'm not the only person that has a story like this, because even our society is so obsessed with alcohol. Even medical professionals don't want that to be the problem, right. But I think our goal was harm reduction and maybe try to drink less or hide it. But clearly that wasn't the right answer for me when I came in saying I have an issue, I'm concerned, yeah.

Michele Folan:

So I guess gosh. I just want to know how many times you tried to cut back or quit because you were given free license to go ahead and drink. Did you try moderation?

Heather Lowe:

Yeah, tried to cut back or quit because you were given free license to go ahead and drink. Did you try moderation? Yeah, so I think I always tried moderation, but it clearly, of course, never worked. And because what happens is when you have a drink, it's like first you take a drink, then the drink takes. The drink, then the drink takes you is a quote.

Heather Lowe:

So the result of having a drink is wanting another drink, like you're not the same person before you drink as you are after you drink, because alcohol affects your intuition, your judgment, your decision-making. I mean it directly affects your brain. So the person that you are that says I'm only going to have one after you have one, you're a different person Now. You're the kind of person that wants two right Right or three, and so yeah, or three, or one tequila, two tequila, three tequila, four right Right. So moderation never worked. So I did. I mean I was always trying to drink less or not at all. This is the thing, and for any woman listening who's struggling with this, my heart goes out to you because we do try this. But what happens is, when we can't keep our promises to ourself, we start shaming ourself, we get into the shame cycle, and then the way to relieve those feelings of shame is to drink again. And so we get into this very ugly pattern and it's hard to disrupt. And so now I'm drinking more than I want all the time and I'm shaming my. I'm saying I'm not going to drink too much, and then I do, and then I'm shaming myself, and then I'm drinking too much. You know, round and round. And the way to stop that is through self-compassion. The only way to make a change is to love yourself through it. If we could beat ourselves into better behavior, we would have already done that. I always say that that doesn't work.

Heather Lowe:

So I did an experiment where I was going to ditch the drink for 100 days and I got to 70 days and I thought I was cured. This is amazing. Clearly it's no problem If I can let go of alcohol. I don't have to let go of alcohol. So I'm going to go back to drinking, but I just reset myself. So now I'm going to be a normal drinker, was the plan. Everybody always wants to be a normal drinker. Everybody comes to me and says I just want to be the kind of person that has a glass of wine once in a while. And I say, yes, of course, that's exactly what we all want, and so it's a fine place to start.

Heather Lowe:

But what those 70 days did? I felt so proud of myself. I learned to listen to myself. I learned to set boundaries, take care of myself, walk away from situations that weren't good. When my head hit the pillow at night, I wasn't ashamed, I was very proud. My happiness came back.

Heather Lowe:

Because the other thing is alcohol takes away all your joy, so your only uptick is alcohol. The best you're going to feel all day is that first sip feeling and it takes a while to reset your systems. But I started taking joy in a bird song and waking up and like the simple pleasures of life watching a movie with my husband or watching my kids, or even making dinner, loving the song that just came on the radio. I started to feel better and I couldn't ignore that. So I went back to drinking. I was going to moderate. I got.

Heather Lowe:

I very quickly started to overdrink and then, you know, I played this game for three years on off drinking, until finally I said my last day one. I said two things I had never said before. I said to my husband I was ready to throw the kitchen sink at it and I need help. I never said I needed help because I'm an independent woman who can do everything on my own. We've already established that.

Heather Lowe:

So that was really hard and I was like I'm willing to do whatever it takes like to quit. And I was able to do it day by day, step by step, through a series of decisions, and I used everything that you use and help with your listeners, and I journaled and I meditated and I created this like holistic way, which was a very non traditional way. I didn't go in a room and call myself powerless to anybody, but I did start to build a community of people that would support me and I started to have a lot of fun and it's been over six years and it's it's the best. So then I couldn't. I was in between jobs and I couldn't go back to these jobs that surrounded around drinking and men and me ignoring myself. So I had to start, ditch the Drink. I had to help other high achieving women like me learn to walk away from alcohol in a new way, a way that they could look forward to.

Michele Folan:

I wanted to let you talk because I love your story. First of all, back to the kind of finding your light after you stop drinking. I can tell everyone listening that, with alcohol being a depressant, it takes days for that feeling, that depressive effect, to leave your system. So you may not feel it on day one, day, day two, but give it some time and it really will come out. So that's the, that's the first thing I wanted to say, even moderate drinking is not good for you, so that's the thing.

Heather Lowe:

There's no health benefits to it, and so that's okay. Freedom of choice, right? We all do things that we know aren't healthy for us Like we don't have to be. We don't have to walk a tightrope of perfection or anything. But I think informed consent is important because there are no health benefits and previous studies said there were, and they were funded by big alcohol companies and whatever health benefit you would get let's say, like resveratrol from a glass of wine, you would also get from eating a blueberry or a grape. It's not worth the negative toxins and anybody who's experienced a hangover can tell you that. Yes, alcohol is a toxin. Look at how your body reacts to that. So, even in moderate amounts, this isn't for heavy drinker. I was a heavy drinker, I never called myself that, but anything over a drink a day is heavy drinking for women, and so by the CDC are the guidelines. So, even moderately and you're right even the subtle effects of mood bringing you down for days later, it just doesn't help you feel your best.

Michele Folan:

And you may not if you drink every day. Help you feel your best, and you may not if you drink every day. You're never going to feel that benefit. So that would just be my one shout out for really giving yourself some time without, so that you feel what it really feels like without it, because it takes a little time. You did say that you surrounded yourself with a group of supportive people. I'm going to ask you this question how did people close to you respond to your decision to quit drinking? Because Heather Lowe was the girl that always had the wine glass in her hand and was always ready for a party. Then you weren't.

Heather Lowe:

Yeah, yeah, super tough question. So first of all turns out I was often the drink pusher. People drink more with me because I was drinking more. So that was like not everybody does this all the time. This is just me leading the pack. So two things happen attract and repel. Some of my friendships got even closer because I became more authentic. I became more real. People had an opportunity to show up and support me. I actually started a weekly card club with my friends because I wanted an outlet and a social life still. So I started a weekly card club. There's four of us. One doesn't drink just because she doesn't like it never has. Two of them drink and I don't.

Heather Lowe:

Now I call myself a person in recovery. I didn't use those terms for a long time, but anyways, it doesn't matter who's drinking and who's not. To me Nothing's changed. Some of my biggest drinking friends are also my biggest support system, so we have a fun together. It never was the alcohol. We have friendship and fun and my relationships have increased.

Heather Lowe:

I've also had an opportunity to meet new people, and so it took me a long time because I don't want to be in a sober group, because I didn't even consider myself that kind of person. Right, I had a big stigma about that, but slowly, I started to become friends with other sober people, and it's a support group, like anyone who's been through divorce or cancer or weight loss or anything. To have people that understand your specific journey is really beautiful, and now I, honest to God, have friends all over the world because of this bond and sobriety, and I've been able to vacation with them and go on retreats with them, and it's been I've been able to be myself immediately without the mask of alcohol, so that's been really, really beautiful. Now, the heartbreaking thing is I've also lost friendships. I've lost lifelong friendships.

Heather Lowe:

I've lost friendships that I had for decades or since childhood, and they didn't hang with me, and there's two sides to the story, and I don't know the whole story, but I've had to let people go, or people have let me go, and it wasn't my choice, and it's heartbreaking, it is painful, it is hurtful, and there's nothing I can say about that, because you can lose friends, and it's hard to lose people. The thing that happened, though, is I developed a relationship with myself, and that is something I never had, and now I take myself on solo dates, and now I have the best time with me, like I'm a great time, and I think plants have to prune and let go to grow. And there were people that aren't there for who I was becoming, and you know again, I don't know all the reasons why, but it's hurtful, it's hard, it's painful, even though it's right. So there is that when you make a change, your relationships change.

Michele Folan:

How did this affect your marriage.

Heather Lowe:

The one thing that kept me drinking was friendships. Not wanting to change my friendships and my marriage Again, we met in a bar as party people. That was something that attracted us to each other and I was afraid I was going to lose him. But I was afraid I was going to lose him if I kept drinking and I was afraid I was going to lose him if I quit. I was scared either way. To be honest, michelle and I looked at it and was like, with or without him, I can't be a drunken mess, right Like I have to get myself healthy and clear before I could do anything. Now I love to blame him, I love to protect my alcohol and blame him for everything. So it was interesting because he has been my best support, totally my best support, and he doesn't drink around me and I love that, and he hardly drinks at all. I mean, the funny thing is I quit drinking and he lost 30 pounds. It was like really I was the drinker I was at the problem because what about you, buddy?

Heather Lowe:

But anyways, I was at the problem because what about you, buddy? But anyways, he definitely doesn't have the same brain that I do. He can moderate. It's no big deal. But the beautiful thing is now we don't drink on our vacations, we don't drink when we go to concerts, and we have two teenage girls and we're having the most fun of anyone I can see. So it was awesome and our marriage has thrived. The other thing is there were some things that weren't working in our dynamics and there were some boundaries that I had to set and there were some ways I had to speak up for myself and say don't talk to me that way, like to the whole family, right, like that's not okay for you to say that and this isn't true and that's condescending, and so my energy is lifted and my family has risen to meet me. So it's been really beautiful. But they've had to make some changes too.

Michele Folan:

Well, I think you're being a really good role model for your daughters too, because in this day and age, there's a lot of pressures for them too, and if they see their mom happy and a non-drinker, I think that speaks volumes. You post on your Instagram Ditch the Drink. Pictures of you before and after, and there is clearly a physical change that you felt. What was the first thing you noticed when you did finally quit drinking?

Heather Lowe:

Well, actually, what scared me? You asked me earlier, like, how did I know? At the end of my drinking, michelle, I didn't recognize myself in the mirror. My face was so bloated, my eyes were so sunken. It wasn't me, and I was very confused because I thought alcohol was the only. I thought it was the glue keeping everything together. It kept me going to work, it kept me with my friends, it kept me in my marriage, it kept me, you know, like and it and it was confusing for my husband too Like did I need help? I was getting up and making lunches every day. I was excelling in my career.

Heather Lowe:

I was miserable, but on the outside it looked like everything was fine and we look for this thing that says there's a problem. But I didn't have a car crash or a diagnosis or anything like that to be so obvious. And it was gradual. It's not like it happened overnight, but I really didn't recognize. I was so full of self-hatred. I was so full of self-hatred dragging myself through every day absolutely hating myself, and I couldn't even see myself through my bloated face in the mirror. I couldn't even see myself inside. So I have a picture.

Heather Lowe:

It's funny, when I was four months alcohol three and I just thought I hung the moon I thought like I had the world's greatest transformation, like I had just had I, you know, I just I'm on. I'm one of those shows where they like do your hair and makeup and you come out a new person. I felt like I was just like all of a sudden, like Miss America and was so proud of myself. So that was at month four. Looking back, I still look so bloated, like I'm still. I'm still healing, like that was just the beginning of the changes that were going to come for me. But yeah, if you do go to my Instagram and I do want to make it clear it's not like a before and after, it's not like a, it's not even a weight transformation. It's just a change and the changes, the lights are back on in my eyes and I think you can see that right, not to mention the way I move. It's a confidence level that is totally different, because I'm walking around aligned with myself now, instead of hiding and defending and hiding.

Heather Lowe:

And I wasn't my best self. And the other thing is I don't hate the person in the before picture. That bloat was my body, hanging on to any hydration that it could because I was so dehydrated. Right, that was my body trying to protect me. And it was the person in the before picture when I was at my ugliest, saddest, worst, darkest moment. It was that person that made the change, not this like beautiful, shiny after picture. It was that person that made the change, not this like beautiful, shiny after picture, right, it was that person in the before that made the change.

Heather Lowe:

So I always like give love to her too.

Michele Folan:

That's wonderfully said, you know, and it's the physical effect of does show up eventually on the outside.

Michele Folan:

Eventually, right, yeah, but then there's also it does and then and then and then. It's the the mental piece of that too, which I'm sure that was probably even the biggest transformation from what you're saying here. I mean, that's, that's so great to hear. Now, when you, when you quit drinking, did people kind of slyly say to you, yeah, I'd like to quit. I think I've got a problem. I've been sober. Curious, I'm a gray area drinker. Did you find people felt more comfortable approaching you, people close to you?

Heather Lowe:

Yes, so many. So it's interesting because I used to smoke. I feel like whenever you're outside with a group of smokers, everybody's talking about how they want to quit smoking. That's the main topic. Everyone's sitting there smoking, saying that they want to quit smoking. The same thing with alcohol.

Heather Lowe:

First of all, I kept it very close to the chest For the first year. I didn't say anything to anyone. My inner circle knew and I even pretended to drink. I did not want anyone to know because I was so afraid and I wanted to belong and I didn't know what people would think and I didn't have language for what I was doing. When I was one year sober, I made a very casual Facebook announcement because I was proud and I thought people need to know this new thing about me. And so, yeah, since then, everybody's like oh, I need to do that too, or I'm so proud of you, or you're doing so good, or I want to do that, or I've tried to do that, or I'm going to do that. Basically everyone, I think, and I have inspired the people around me. Like I said, if I was the drink pusher, now that I don't drink, everyone in my circle drinks less. Just me not drinking has just like and it's healthy for everybody. It's really healthy for everybody.

Michele Folan:

Yeah, I have a group of friends from high school and we get together pretty often and at our annual little Christmas gathering I brought non-alcoholic options for people to try and I was surprised how many people went ahead and reach for those, even though that there was wine there. It's amazing that influence. If you just offer it, people may take it and that's nice to see. I don't feel the stigma when I do go to a function and I decide not to drink. I don't feel as uncomfortable now as I did at the beginning because I used to get people saying what do you got in your glass? What are you drinking? But I don't have that anymore because people are expecting me to maybe drink or maybe not. People don't even really think about it too much anymore. So you started your coaching business. You started Ditch the Drink and then was it always about just getting out there and getting the word out there, or were you coaching right away? Was that the intention with that platform?

Heather Lowe:

Yeah, good question. So I started with putting everything that I knew into a digital class and so that was the first offering was this digital course that people could take. And then I got trained and certified as a coach. I didn't feel like I was qualified to coach one on one, even though I had a degree in social work. So I got trained and certified with the International Association of Professional Recovery Coaches. I became a certified professional recovery coach and a certified professional life coach. I got a certificate of wellbeing from Yale University. I became a SheRecovers designated coach and I became a certified facilitator of addiction awareness training. So I really armed myself with education and tools before I started coaching folks one-on-one. Now I coach one-on-one and I tease.

Heather Lowe:

I say come for the recovery coaching, stay for the life coaching, because people ditch the drink fairly quickly once they start meeting with me because they're ready. I think they're ready. Once you invest your time and your money, you're and you've tried every other program out there right, you're in a place where you're, you're finally ready to let it go and having a trained and professional coach to support you through that works. And then you realize what you used alcohol for. I mean, alcohol is really a pacifier for a lot of things.

Heather Lowe:

It's a way to self-soothe, it's a way to ignore, distract, avoid. It's literally a numbing agent. So when you stop taking it, oh no, you start to feel feelings and you don't know how to feel feelings. So once you learn how to listen to yourself and how to feel, you realize like, oh, my marriage isn't working and my career is not working and my nutrition and my fitness is off and all these other things, and once you can ditch the drink, there's nothing you can't do. Like I said, your confidence is you start to really take action on all those other areas that maybe had been suffering, and so it's a really beautiful evolution that I get to work with people through.

Michele Folan:

Can you share a?

Heather Lowe:

success story? Oh, my God, they're all success stories. Truly, truly, I will say this every single person that meets with me drinks less or not at all. And again, is that because I'm an award-winning coach? Maybe it's because they're showing up to meet with me, right? And they're showing up and they're doing that work and they've got text and email support in between. So if there's a craving or a celebration, I'm right there with them, but I love it. My favorite success stories? Well, there's just so many.

Heather Lowe:

But a lot of people come to me saying I want to just have a glass of wine at dinner every once in a while. And I say, okay, abstinence is not a requirement to work with me. And I never would have signed up for a program if they told me I could never drink again. Right, because drinking was my thing. I loved it. So I thought, but this one gal was like I'm going to sign up with you, but it was like June, but I have a vacation in July and I'm going to drink on that vacation. And I said okay, and then it was right, before vacation she goes. I don't think I want to drink on this vacation. And I, because she had gone a couple of weeks and was feeling so good and I said, okay, well, let's put a plan in place. She did, she had the best time she's like.

Heather Lowe:

I had my alcohol-free pina coladas and, like you know, I had so much fun and it was so much better and all these things she lost her desire to drink. And that's what happens with people Once you're educated and you see it for what it is and you start correlating that morning after feeling, and maybe the foggy night before, like that's all alcohol. It's not just that first uptick that feels kind of loose and free, it's you got to include everything.

Michele Folan:

All the crap.

Heather Lowe:

Yeah, all the crap too, if you're going to give alcohol that reputation. Anyway, she got to one year sober and she was like this is amazing. And then she freaked out, like what should I do? And I was like, well, you want to go another year, you've already done it. And she said, yeah, year two came and she's like I'll never drink again. Right, like no, it's so far in the rear view mirror now, so that's cool.

Heather Lowe:

But the other thing that I this is like totally full circle for me is my clients often want to become coaches themselves. They want to become sober coaches. So I recruit them to the training I partner with the training program that I did. So I recruit them to that program. They get trained and certified. And then they want to know how to start a business, and so I have a business course that I've created for them. So then they start their own businesses and so, and then I've got a community of coaches.

Heather Lowe:

So this is really really beautiful, because I feel like my reach is bigger. It's wonderful to help somebody one-on-one but, and to help a family and to help a mother change the trajectory of the generations forward and backwards in her life, right, I think that's the most beautiful thing I can do. But when that person wants to become a coach and I can support them and they want to start a business and then they have clients who are women with families and children, like the reach gets bigger and I think that full circle offering that I have for people and it's just awesome to support them through that whole thing and to get more women alcohol free. I just love it.

Michele Folan:

It's a beautiful story, Heather. It's like you freed yourself from it, but then you also made a really robust, satisfying career out of your quitting alcohol, so it just that's really fabulous. Do you have any resources that you recommend? Is there any quit lit, as we call it, that you particularly like?

Heather Lowe:

Oh my gosh. Yes, absolutely. Well, I have a free sober secrets guide on my site. I also have an Amazon storefront where I put everything that I love all the sober treats, all the sober tools, all the sober books I love to read. I only give good reviews because I think it's incredible that anybody writes a book. I mean, I just think that's amazing. So there's so so many good ones, depending on what resonates with you, like if you want a memoir story, like if you want a human story, those are the kind that I like, but there's also more scientific ones If you want to like. Really, those are the kind that I like, but there's also more scientific ones if you want to really learn the ins and outs of what alcohol is and what's happening to you. So I mean, there's just so many good ones and I've honestly read them all. You can see they're probably all on this bookshelf behind me.

Michele Folan:

Yeah, I know I've noticed all your books, so I do have a question, heather. So if someone goes to your website, do you have your Amazon storefront there that they could check that out?

Heather Lowe:

Yeah, that is a good question, so you will get it in an email, and so they're best books for Sober, sober, curious, and yeah, there's so many listed. I also have on the Instagram a book highlight, so that would be another quick place to go. And podcasts I mean there's so many wonderful podcasts. That really helped me. The first podcast that I was on myself was a favorite podcast that is called Recovery, Happy Hour, and there's no new episodes but the old you can still listen to like hundreds of old episodes, and that was really, really helpful to me at that time.

Michele Folan:

What advice would you share with anyone who is sober, curious or struggling daily with wanting to make changes?

Heather Lowe:

Yeah, get help. There's no shame in getting help. Say it out loud to one person. It's very private. We're very embarrassed, especially if we're high achieving women. We're surprised that we can't micromanage and project manage this little alcohol problem like we do everything else in our life, and it's a different animal. And saying, say it out loud to somebody, it's okay to get help, getting help is like the portal to everything you want. So start with a friend or a spouse or partner if you need to, but just say it out loud to somebody and that's going to open up the gates for you. And you've tried drinking, try not drinking, just give it a try. And I like to say 90 days, which might sound insane to people. I know a lot of people like to do 30 day challenges and that's great. But I'll tell you after, 30 days are when the benefits really multiply and the not drinking starts to feel more effortless. The first 30 days is kind of hard and a lot of people are just sitting and waiting to drink again.

Michele Folan:

They're white, knuckling it.

Heather Lowe:

Right, it's like a short airplane flight versus a long one. On a short one you're just going to sit and wait to get off the plane, but on a longer one you're going to make yourself comfortable. You're going to rent a movie and put your seat back and take your shoes off and close your eyes. So make yourself comfortable for the ride. And if you could go 90 days, I think you would see all the benefits and it wouldn't be so hard to turn down that drink because you're starting to rewire your brain. So ask for help, say it out loud, ask for help, give it a try. You can also give it a try without committing to sobriety or recovery or any of those things.

Michele Folan:

Yeah yeah, or recovery or any of those things. Yeah yeah, that's great advice.

Heather Lowe:

I do want to know, Heather what is one of your own pillars of self-care Alone time, alone time. I can't hear myself with other people, so I'm also like a recovering people pleaser perfectionist. This probably rings true for some of your community too. So I need time and space alone, and my favorite way to do that is to go for a hike and let myself run through all the emotions. It's kind of hard to pick just one.

Heather Lowe:

Because the other thing journaling. I love to write, you know. So journaling I think it's a really good way to listen, to hear yourself. So putting it on paper is like without a filter, you know, like in a morning pages, kind of white stream of consciousness. Nobody's going to read this, this is for no audience, this is just to get it up and out of me. That is a way that I can hear myself. So it's time alone and journaling. But I'll tell you, I started meditation when I was still drinking. I would have my drinks and I would put my headphones in at night and listen to a meditation. Maybe I would pass out to it, right, but I credit that for changing me, for changing my mind. I think it was planting seeds, planting seeds of tuning in and listening and being present with myself and I started it when I was still drinking, but I often credit that for being the thing that's got me to where I'm at today Interesting.

Michele Folan:

Meditation. Okay, I would love for you to tell the listeners Heather Lowe where they can find you they can find you.

Heather Lowe:

Go to ditchthedrink. com everywhere. Go to my website. Grab my free guide. I also have a community and there's a free seven-day trial if you want to check it out. We do group calls twice a week. There's replays that you can watch so you can kind of be a lurker. If you're too scared to jump in, there's an online app that's available and masterclasses and all these great things. So find me at my website. Ditch the Drink, get on my list, because I send resources and emails and Amazon links and all the things all the time. Also, I'm on social media as Ditch the Drink on Instagram, Facebook, Linkedin, Pinterest. I'm not on TikTok. I'm sure that surprises no one or any of those things.

Michele Folan:

I'm not on TikTok either, so yeah, nah, not doing it. Heather Lowe, thank you for being here. This was a lot of fun.

Heather Lowe:

Thanks so much for giving me a platform to share my story. I appreciate you and also for taking on this topic. That can be kind of uncomfortable or a tough topic for some people sometimes. I appreciate your openness and willingness to talk it over with me.

Michele Folan:

Always happy to do it. Follow asking for a friend on social media outlets and provide a review and share this show wherever you get your podcasts. Reviews and sharing help us grow.