Ep.72 The Intimacy Doctor and Vital Conversations About Menopause

After twelve years in medicine, helping families heal their bodies, Dr. Alexandra Stockwell started studying the science and art of emotional and sensual connection to help her patients heal their relationships.

So why did this already super busy, mom, wife, intimate marriage expert, and podcaster decide to co-author a book about menopause?  As Alexandra and her dear friend, Tricia Brouk, began to dig in, they found that despite the fact that there is more awareness around this life stage, we still aren't really talking about it.  

The Invitation - Vital Conversations About Menopause is not a book about science, research, or treatment of menopause.  It's a book to inspire connection and community in a time of life that every woman who lives long enough is sure to go through. 

As we evolve, women are spending a third or more of our lives in menopause.  Let's redefine this inevitable transition and look at it as a beginning - a time of midlife pivots and enhanced relationships, and bring vital conversations out of the dark corner and into the light.

You can find Alexandra Stockwell's books, The Invitation - Vital Conversations About Menopause and Uncompromising Intimacy, on Amazon.
The Intimacy Doctor website: https://www.alexandrastockwell.com/
Alexandra's podcast: https://www.alexandrastockwell.com/podcast/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/intimacydoctor/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100093537316555

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*Transcripts are done with AI and may not be perfectly accurate.

**This podcast is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of medicine, nursing, or other professional healthcare services, including the giving of medical advice. The content of this podcast is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Users should not disregard or delay in obtaining medical advice for any medical condition they may have and should seek the assistance of their healthcare professionals for any such conditions.

Transcript

Asking for a Friend - Health, Wellness & Personal Growth Tips for Women in Midlife
The Intimacy Doctor and Vital Conversations About Menopause
Michele Folan
Alexandra Stockwell, MD

menopause, women, conversation, marriage, book, relationship, experience, midlife, podcast, couples, tricia, intimacy, alexandra, super, share, appealing, wrote, compromise, coach, sex

In September of 2023, I had the opportunity to moderate a women's health panel discussion. The experts were there to address everything from sexual health and relationships, midlife Skin Solutions, pelvic floor and incontinence. All super relevant topics for midlife women. But as I continue to be involved in these types of events, the one topic that gets the most interest and engagement is menopause. The questions from the audience are endless as we dive into symptoms, some common and not so common, and what we should be asking our health care providers in regard to hormone replacement therapy. One thing is for sure, no two women's experiences are the same. But knowledge is power. And the need for more advocacy for women's health is needed in order to keep the conversation going, and creating awareness for not only well being, but for menopause as cultural and workplace implications.

Speaker 1  1:16  
Health, Wellness, career, relationships and everything in between. We're removing the taboo from what really matters in midlife. I'm your host, Michele Folan, and this is asking for a friend. Welcome to the show everyone. Our guest today is an intimate marriage expert. And after 12 years in medicine, helping families heal their bodies. Dr. Alexandra Stockwell started studying the science and art of emotional and sensual connection to help her patients heal their relationships. Her recent endeavor was to co author a book with her dear friend Trisha, where they joined together to acknowledge all women through their conversation that dives deep into the topic of menopause. Midlife pivots, and redefining this transition in life, with the goal of bringing it out of the dark corner and into the light. Welcome to the show, Dr. Alexandra Stockwell.

Speaker 2  2:21  
Thank you so much. It's really a pleasure to be here and to join the conversation that your podcast focuses on.

Speaker 1  2:30  
I think your book and your platform is actually perfect for my platform. I think it's great that we get to connect through social media and make these things happen. Before we get started, because I have a tendency to want to jump right into the conversation. I do want you to provide just an introduction of you, where you live, where you went to school, and any kind of family details you'd like to share.

Speaker 2  2:55  
Okay, I've lived in a lot of places, so I won't list them all. But I'll just say I was born in Greenwich Village. I know you didn't ask that far back. But I am definitely a New Yorker at heart. But I've been living in California for 11 years. My husband and I met the first week of medical school at SUNY Stony Brook on Long Island, and then went on to residency training at UMass Worcester. And then we're in the Boston area for a while rural Kansas. Anyway, we've been in California for 11 years, and my husband is still a practicing physician. And I pivoted Oh, in the early mid 2000s, and became a relationship and intimacy coach, and actually, it really has to do with my journey. Now, it's actually fairly common for physicians to experience burnout and leave medicine and look for other more humane ways of living personally and professionally. But that was not the case, when I essentially arranged for a sabbatical. Because, well, there are a lot of different reasons why, but one thing is that I was prioritizing my patients over my family and my family over myself. And it wasn't a time management issue, because I could do a lot of things. But there was something in how I related to myself that I knew was not a problem, but would become a problem. And I have four children and I wanted to work it out. So they had a different model. And they didn't have to then work this out in their adult lives. I took a sabbatical and for the first time really gave myself permission to do things. Just because I felt like it so much of my life had been in order to achieve something for somebody. And the short version of all of this is to say that, after discovering reconnecting with joy and presence and I just being able to sit in the sunshine and feel it, caress my cheek and enjoy it without thinking about my to do list and where else I might be or what I might be doing that would be more productive once I got to really enjoy my life, the last frontier was the bedroom. Because it was very interesting to me that pleasure and connection and communication and emotional fullness and nourishment didn't immediately translate into a lot more connection and how my husband and I were touching one another and enjoying ourselves. And it's not that it was bad. It just wasn't nourishing. It was nothing like what the poet's wrote about. And I was like, Well, I've transformed so much. Let's try this. So I did this very in depth training, on sensuality, and sexuality, which doubled as a coach training. And at the time, I really didn't know what a coach was, it wasn't anything that I was pursuing. I was there for my own sake. But I'm very interested in how things work. And so I thought, well, let me just check out the teaching lab to see how are they teaching? How are they training people to do this. And I was like, Oh, I've come home. And I've been doing that ever since. And I've been interviewed by Rolling Stone and USA Today and Huffington Post, and there's this huge interest in need, in how to really revitalize long lasting marriages. So that I think you're part of this amazing necessary movement for how women can have more vitality in the rest of their lives. And I've really come at this through looking at how relationships, long lasting marriages can have more vitality, passion, and meaning rather than just the benefit of companionship. So that's a roundabout way of saying what brings me to this moment with you.

Speaker 1  7:08  
There was so much in there I was I didn't want to stop you. But I'm wondering, with this training that you have now, and this experience you have under your belt with being an intimacy expert. Do you think now looking back when you were in practice, when you were in actual medicine? Yeah. Do you see how that may have potentially helped you help your patients?

Speaker 2  7:37  
Oh, unquestionably, one of my favorite quotes, it's actually the only one I really am connected with from Steve Jobs is you can only connect the dots in hindsight. And so now, looking at the way my life has been the evolution of my biography, both personally but also professionally, it makes so much sense. There's a way in which I went into medicine to serve in the way that I do. Now, I just didn't know that this was the context. And I didn't know somebody could do relationship and intimacy coaching. And I really, it wouldn't have been right for me in my mid 20s, to do that. But there's a way in which learning to be with people in very meaningful and often challenging moments, there's a certain kind of both common sense and moral authority that I have as a result of having practiced medicine. And I actually am very different than other relationship and intimacy coaches who often come at it through a way less clinical pathway. So yes, absolutely. And I'm just at ease. There's nothing, somebody's going to tell me, that's going to be shocking, or too icky, too personal. That just doesn't happen because I'm comfortable in the arena of anything that's going to arise.

Speaker 1  8:58  
I think that's fantastic that you can bring that to your clients. And then midlife brings so many transitions. I know so many women that really want to have that spark and that fire, they want to know how to get that back. And I think having people like you that have lived through it, and you've walked in their shoes, gives you so much credibility.

Speaker 2  9:23  
Well, thank you i, for anyone listening who's drawn towards that topic. I want to just share my basic philosophy, which when implemented, always works, which is uncompromising intimacy. That's the name of my book. That's the name of my methodology. And it's really, it speaks to the midlife woman who inevitably has compromised in so many different ways, initially recognizing it was compromised or perhaps not. But the fact is that the most common relationship advice that has Given is, you need to be good at compromise. If you want a happy marriage, you've got to be good at compromise. And that is just completely wrong. If you want a kind of bland, pleasant companionship, compromise is the excellent way to go, it will bring you that. But if you want, vitality and passion and ongoing growth and development and a really nourishing dynamic marriage, compromise will never give you that because inherently in compromise, you're prioritizing your partner's comfort over your own well being self expression, and authenticity. So when I talk about being uncompromising, I definitely don't mean that you always get your own way. But I do mean that instead of just keeping quiet about your desires, your inner challenges, whatever's alive inside, or even where you want to have dinner like this can be grand and also extremely mundane, that if you prioritize what's comfortable for your partner, it's a way in which you're disconnecting from yourself. And that disconnection makes passion and erotic fulfillment, just flat out impossible. We have to be connected with ourselves, in order to have the most delicious connection with a partner.

Speaker 1  11:33  
You wrote a book and then you also have the intimate marriage podcast. And that's available, I assume, on all the different platforms? Yes, anywhere. Somebody's gonna look. Okay. And then how long have you been doing the podcast? Alexandra?

Speaker 2  11:50  
Well, I have been doing it for exactly 143 episodes. So that's one a week that gives you the answer. Although I was realizing the first 10 dropped all at once. So actually, I launched Valentine's Day 2021. Got it. And I'm actually super proud. I don't entirely know how this has happened. But this week, I'm number 68, in relationship podcasts on iTunes, which is a very eclectic group with Michelle Obama and polyamory and very conservative Focus on the Family. Like it's a an eclectic group. So people are interested, for sure, in how to have more intimacy and marriage.

Speaker 1  12:38  
Congratulations. That's great company to be in.

Unknown Speaker  12:42  
Thank you. Thank you.

Speaker 1  12:43  
You're super busy. You've got clients, you wrote a book, you've gotten podcast, then you decided to write another book, which is part of the topic today. Did you get to the point of writing a book about menopause, in addition to everything else on your plate?

Speaker 2  13:05  
Okay, well, let me first say that this is not something I was looking to do. I don't really have a recent vision board. But if I had, it wouldn't have been on there. That is not how this happened. Trisha Brooke, my co author is actually a foremost speaking coach. She used to be the curator of TEDx Lincoln Square. She is an award winning film director and producer, she has performed on Broadway, she has a fitness company, she is also incredibly busy, and has expertise really in helping women with expressing their voice. I've spoken about it in terms of speaking up in the context of desire in a marriage, but she's really talking, supporting women who are creating movements taking big stages. This is her mission and her work. And I was a client of hers when I was developing my speaking skill. So she messaged me and said, I have a question for you. And I thought, oh, maybe she has a new program that she wants to sell to me. And so I almost didn't respond right away. But I said, okay, and we got on the phone and she said, I want to write a book about menopause. And I want you to co author it with me. And I said, What? Because it was totally from left field, although I'll say one more thing, because I just think it's so funny. She has had a lot of hot flashes, and you know the what to expect books What to Expect When You're Expecting and her husband who's a playwright suggested that she wrote a book called What to Expect When You're sweating. And we actually pursued that with the author of that franchise, but she declined our project. So anyway, that's obviously not the name of the book. The name of the book is the invitation, vital conversations about menopause, which has a really different flavor. But anyway, when she contacted me, my main reason for saying yes, was because I was excited about the opportunity to collaborate with Tricia. It's not that menopause itself was such an interesting topic. Before we started, I mean, it's an interesting topic. It's an important part of life. But it wasn't anything I was looking to devote a year of my life to. But I was definitely interested in collaborating with Tricia, I admire her so much. But once we started, I just discovered what an incredibly fascinating topic it is. And I did not come to those conversations, nor have I written the book as an expert on menopause. Not at all. I mean, I'm informed to a certain degree, certainly about the physiology, as a physician, but I really came to it as a woman. I'm now 55, I was 54, when we wrote it, did most of the writing and she was 52, just to have the conversation that I'd never actually had with anyone. And she had never had with anyone, either. And it's a conversation that women and men are not really having, even though every one of us who is blessed enough to live to this age is going to go through it either now or earlier,

Speaker 1  16:40  
you made a point to tell me that the book was not about science, research or treatment for menopause. So I wanted to get that out there. And you touched on something? Why do you think menopause is still a little bit taboo? Why aren't we having more of a conversation about it?

Speaker 2  17:03  
I think there are so many reasons, just zooming way out. It's a relatively recent phenomenon, because life expectancy has extended so much. And when I say recent, I don't mean the last two years, I mean, the last few 100 years, I don't know exactly what the life expectancy of a woman was in 1800, or 1850. But the point is that over the course of human evolution, it's a relatively recent phenomenon that women live, sometimes half their lives postmenopausal. There's a way in which I think our society our thinking, our trove of wisdom, has not caught up with what is now our biological, physiological reality. So we really think of our book is contributing to building that, not because we are the authorities, but through inviting conversation, inviting people to be reflective and share their experiences. So that's one reason. Another reason is the incredible intensity of youth being on a pedestal in our culture. So many women are essentially feeling invisible, when they no longer have a certain type of appeal. That has to do with a certain physique and no wrinkles and no gray hair. And I don't know what that there's something where our society rewards being in our 20s. Even though I think there are very few of us who would like to spend more than 10 years in that decade. I also think it's very much related to women in general, learning to be more quiet about our own experience, because it's not really possible for anyone younger, or not a woman to really infer what it's like to be postmenopausal or in menopause. Let me just say, and then I'm doing this in broad strokes, but then there's one more thing which I think is super significant that I'm happy to share with you because you think about these things that menarche which is the medical term for the first period. It means beginning of menstruation, it's looking towards what's ahead. And menopause really does not reflect anything about the future. The word itself, it's about the cessation of menses. And to define ourselves as women who have stopped menstruating. That's what the language contains. But it is such an inadequate description of the creativity, the vitality, the self reflection, the potential that is present in this time. And actually, I'll just say one more thing, which is that the meme, the cultural meme around menopause is that it is just awful. It is just one loses oneself when is at war with one's body, what takes on a whole other personality with sweating and hot flashes and brain fog, you know, they're the 43 symptoms of menopause that are quite intense. And there are some women who experience it that way. But as a society, we don't know how many women actually have a smooth transition, or a joyful transition or a modified transition. And I'm not looking to diminish the suffering that anyone has, because the women who are suffering really need health care practitioners, who can meet them where they are, which is often lacking, like this is a very complex thing. But Trisha had severe hot flashes, and night sweats and use hypnotherapy for the most part, which has been researched and shown to be effective. I personally, other than a real decline in memory, my memory used to be impeccable. And it's just not like it's very disorienting. But other than that, I don't have any symptoms. But that kind of an experience is not represented in the culture. And it's not in any way to diminish someone who has a really difficult time. But we want kind of like with birth, you know, there's the whole spectrum of experiences, and it's not always terrible. And sometimes it is, this is a very long answer. But I think all of these are contributors to why menopause has been relatively invisible until the last, I don't know, two years, it seems like there are conferences and it's just much more podcasts like yours and in the culture, but typically as a negative.

Speaker 1  22:32  
Back to the book where it does document. What I felt was a very heartfelt and honest conversation between you and Tricia. And I think what came out of that was that the menopause experience can be so different from one person to the next. And I was curious, now that you know, I mean, I know you're an intimate marriage counselor, coach is, now that you've had this conversation with Tricia, has it also opened your eyes to some of these issues that some of the couples that you counsel, is menopause at the heart of some of the issues that couples have?

Speaker 2  23:16  
Okay, this is a very intricate question. And I'm gonna answer it exactly how I think about it. And the answer is, yes and no.

Unknown Speaker  23:29  
Yeah, okay.

Speaker 2  23:30  
Because the way that I work in facilitating uncompromising intimacy, which inherently means that each person in the couple is aware of their experience, and communicates it, desires and disappointments and so forth, not because the other person is supposed to change their behavior necessarily, but so that the individuals experience can be included, then. That is definitely also true when it comes to menopause. But it's not inherently different. When sharing the physiological changes and the impact of menopause, then it is having that conversation after a child's been born or after some sexually traumatic event has occurred, or just accumulated disappointments over years. The Act, the choice, the courage, and the vulnerability and tenderness in being authentic is not inherently different with menopause. And I think when someone is used to participating in a marriage that way, long before perimenopause, then The menopausal journey is far less fraught in the marital context.

Speaker 1  25:07  
You also said something that I felt was interesting is that society tends to look at menopause as some how this dreaded transition in life. Yes, in a way. I think culturally we haven't gotten past that yet. How do we get not just women, but people in general to really view this as a time of empowerment that we should encourage women to embrace this time?

Speaker 2  25:38  
What a lovely question. I think the most important thing is to be having conversations about it. I used to love reading historical novels. Not that I don't anymore, I just haven't in a while. But one of the things that I would always be deeply impacted by in historical novels was the girls who never knew in advance anything about menstruation. And so they would start bleeding and think they were dying, because that was the only way they could interpret how they could be bleeding. It's not like that with menopause. I don't think mature women think they're dying when they go through menopause. I mean, maybe there's a few moments of it. Or actually, I don't know if you've seen the recent Oprah Magazine has nine pages focused on menopause. And Oprah describes having heart palpitations and go into the doctor and being given heart medication. And no one ever asking her anything about menopause. And it turns out, it was actually hormonal changes for menopause that were causing that. So she was taking heart medication to treat something that she didn't have, even though she did present with heart palpitations anyway, that just came to mind because of the example I used of the girl thinking she was dying. But typically, when you're sweating, or dizzy, you don't think you're dying, but you don't know what's going on. One of the most important things this is in response to your question about empowerment is that we have places to share our experiences. And in this conversation so far, I've been focused on sharing with your partner, especially in a heteronormative context, where it's more challenging, because he's not going through menopause. But really, the conversation that our book is between Tricia and me, and the conversation you and I are having, and the one that I think really leads to empowerment, or I might say sovereignty more, because if someone has a really challenging menopause journey, maybe once it's over, it's empowering, but that's a word that's hard to connect with. For some people who are suffering for some it's not, but certainly to have sovereignty that you're not just mowed over by your experience, one of the most important things is to be in conversation with those you cherish and admire. So really, what I would consider success with our book, which, again, the invitation vital conversations about menopause is the name of it, what I would consider a successful outcome is if people read the book, and then start having conversations with friends, with your mother, no matter what ages, you and your mother are, if she's alive, like if you haven't asked, and most women haven't, what was it like for her? What are her reflections, and also, with your daughters and nieces and younger co workers? Those of us in this time of life, have an opportunity for ourselves and for the culture in general and the generations to follow, to have conversations and those conversations can absolutely include complaining and frustration. But they also can include and should new questions and considering what is the gift here? How do I want to move through the rest of my life? Now that I do not need to plan for any kind of monthly hormonal cycles,

Unknown Speaker  29:38  
or children

Unknown Speaker  29:40  
or children?

Speaker 1  29:43  
Come on Alexandra. We don't need any more. It is true,

Speaker 2  29:49  
but it means from here on out. If it wasn't before, and let's hope it was but if it wasn't before, sex is all about pleasure. And I think fit that actually gets to the topic we're talking about because approximately 50 I think it's 51% of women over 50 are not having sex. And there is so much pleasure available. We know that women, their sexuality isn't peak until their 60s and 70s. And all of that is the consequence of our attitudes about menopause.

Speaker 1  30:26  
Yeah, I so agree. I've had experts on the podcast, and we address low libido, painful sex, all of those things that sometimes whisper about those topics, between friends. It's frightening how many women just put up with it, and don't think that there's really anything that they can do about it. I just want more women feel empowered to go and get those answers from healthcare professionals? And if they don't get the answers that they need to keep looking, because they're out there.

Speaker 2  31:05  
Absolutely. Absolutely. And it's really, I'm happy to plug the North American menopause society because any doctor who has been trained with them, is going to have more answers, most likely than someone who hasn't. And you can go to their site, the North American menopause society and look up practitioners in your area. And I also just want to add that, from my perspective, and the work that I do, I don't really think low libido. I mean, sometimes it's a reality, that's physiological, and there are various considerations, but functionally, practically speaking in my work, for me, low libido means the sex that is available is not the sex that's appealing. Because if a woman doesn't want sex, it's because the sex she's having is not the kind she wants more of. So rather than looking to like, change the hormones, and have a physical exam, all of that super important, so I'm not practicing medicine. That's why I can say that, for me, my focus, which really always makes for better sex is paying attention to, okay, well, what kind of foreplay what kind of initiating is going to make it more appealing, you don't need to be full on turned on, you just can let yourself become aroused. I think that's a basic false idea that desire needs to precede arousal, it doesn't. But whatever it is, it needs to be something that would be appealing to you. Or, of course, you're not going to want more of it. And so there's something about being menopausal where we're just not going to put up with sex, that doesn't work for us. So I think that's often missing from the low libido conversation, just we'll see if what's gonna happen, could be more appealing, because there's so many women who are married, get divorced, and suddenly their libido is off the chart.

Speaker 1  33:29  
What you're telling me then, I mean, certainly women, their engine takes a while to warm up sometimes, and with the rate stuff you can get there. Yes. But also, it's just the communication piece. It's like you got to communicate what you want. And I think that's, the crux is gotta be able to,

Speaker 2  33:49  
yes, and you need to communicate what you want. And you also can communicate that you're not sure what you want. So let's discover it together. I think really, what I hope, a takeaway from this whole conversation is, is the importance of communication, whether as right now it's about sex with your partner, which of course requires you to be communicating with yourself about it to be considering what you would want what would be more appealing, what do you think might be lovely, and try it and see if it is and if it's not try something new, and if it is do it again, but also communicating with the other women in your life? Because one of the things that's been so surprising about this book, is a number of our early readers have been men and we've had men interview us together. The first podcast interview that Trish and I did together was with a man whose wife is in menopause and he just thought, I want to know more so that I can be with her and support her In her journey most effectively, and I think it's very significant how interested men are to read this book.

Speaker 1  35:06  
And that was going to be one of my questions, you know, do you think it would be helpful for men to read the invitation?

Speaker 2  35:12  
I absolutely do. And I think sometimes men can feel like it's not their conversation, because it's not their bodies. But that's not true. There's a version of this, which is men's conversation. In fact, both Trisha and I have very supportive husbands that were influential in the direction we went with this book. The fact that neither one of us felt shame or need a need to hide anything in our marriages is a tribute to our husbands. Even if a man who's not in a relationship with a woman and not looking to be, it's still very worthwhile to read it because menopause is not just something that influences what's going on in the bedroom or the home. In our book, we interview Pat Duckworth, who's an expert on menopause in the workplace, and I learned so much from her about how menopause influences really, the whole workforce in various ways. I suppose if you are a man who's not in a relationship with a woman doesn't want to be and is a solo entrepreneur, then maybe it's not, although you'd still have female relatives. But anyway, you get the point that there are so many really interesting policies, like one of the things that have Duckworth describes, which we share in the book is like a woman who is in retail, and is meant to wear a polyester uniform, for her retail job and whatever store it might be. And that polyester uniform has a high neck and long sleeves, and she's sweating. That is essentially an anti older woman policy that needs to be changed. And it's not something that really men or women might think of unless they're actually experiencing it.

Speaker 1  37:16  
There's the data and I forget the actual statistic, but there's a very high percentage of women that are in menopause are going through menopause, who are considering quitting their jobs, because the work environment or their symptoms are so bad that they can't deal.

Speaker 2  37:36  
Right, not being allowed to go to the bathroom, except every four hours. And that may not work during perimenopause. Yes, anyway, I was just thinking of all these different examples. And in this regard, I think we have a lot to learn from the United Kingdom where menopause is covered under their Fair Employment Act. And so in these big companies in England, there's someone who isn't a health coach isn't a physician isn't anyone with expertise, but they are like a advocate. And anyone can go to them and say, I need X, Y, or Z in order to function well at work. And then they direct them to whoever can help with that. There are many women working desk jobs in England, who have a fan on their desk. And it's just not complicated. There's no stigma. It's just understood, just like fresh air circulating is good for everybody. Some women need a fan on their desk for others, it would be very uncomfortable and just chilly. So I think part of what makes for successful employment practices is having room for the individual experience, which that's come up multiple times in our conversation we wouldn't do to just issue fans for all women over the age of 50. That would be a poor choice, but having them available for those who want in a way that has no stigma or repercussions. Well, that is a beautiful policy.

Speaker 1  39:17  
Well, if I were a business owner, I would want that segment of my workforce to be happy because they bring professional maturity and experience that you don't get with younger women and giving women a place where they can cool off or a fan at their desk or whatever. I mean, we've come this far to have breast pumping rooms. Yes, yes. For women to do that. And I think we'll get there in the menopause world. We just, again, we're just really starting to have the conversation and I do agree with you. I think the UK is ahead of us in regard to policy and but I think this can change

Speaker 2  39:59  
it can And it changes in interesting ways. I'm looking forward to seeing what this Oprah spread does, because Oprah has such influence. And another one is Drew Barrymore, who I forget if she was on the Conan, I don't remember which talk show she was on. But whatever it was, she just paused for a moment, and wiped her brow because it was glistening and said, Oh, I'm having a hot flash, just a moment. For an incredible actress to just mid interview, pause for a moment to attend to her hot flash. It just was normal ish. But it was actually pretty revolutionary.

Unknown Speaker  40:46  
I think it's great. Me too, and

Unknown Speaker  40:48  
very real.

Unknown Speaker  40:50  
That's refreshing.

Unknown Speaker  40:52  
Yeah,

Speaker 1  40:53  
I'm sorry, I missed that I would have had a good chuckle. I would love to know what else you're working on. What's next for Alexandra Stockwell, since you seem to be on fire right now.

Speaker 2  41:06  
I'll tell you what I'm working on. It's very exciting, but I'm not exactly sure where I'm gonna go with it. I do private coaching for couples who are super successful and really know how to make things happen in their professional lives, but don't have the same level of skill and clarity when it comes to up leveling and expanding their marriage. In the past, I've done group programs with couples, which are really fantastic, because those are conversations that people don't have with one another and to see what is going on in someone else's marriage and learn from it and be witnessed as you share yours. Like we all know that group coaching programs are amazing for women. But I know that they're really amazing for couples. But the couples who've done my group program in the past, they had already done other group things. So they knew that. And they knew me and they trusted me. But most of the people who find me through my podcast or through reading my book or through Google, they just immediately assume that they don't want a group coaching program because they're private about whatever we'd be talking about when couples coaching. So my new challenge is to find a way to convey how rich and rewarding the conversation is with other couples. And it's not too personal, it's just more rich, more nourishing, and the bond that's built is so exquisite. I haven't yet cracked the code on how exactly to convey that so that that's of interest, but it would allow people who aren't in a position to invest with me for private coaching to be able to really grow and transform their relationships. I have no question about the efficacy. My next big project is to figure out how to share that with people so they can really see what's in it for them.

Speaker 1  43:18  
I like that a lot. I also want to ask where people can find your book and your podcast.

Speaker 2  43:27  
Okay, wonderful. The invitation vital conversations about menopause is available on Amazon. And for everything else related to me, Alexandra stockwell.com. You can find links to my podcast, my book, all my various blog articles on different things, any social media, my programs and offerings. You're welcome to contact me there. I love interacting with people. So Alexandra stockwell.com

Speaker 1  44:02  
and the invitation vital conversations about menopause. This was delightful. I hope that we get to do this again sometime. I always love having other podcasters on my show because it's seamless. We're having just a conversation. It's so much fun.

Speaker 2  44:23  
Michelle, I'm so grateful for your yes and so happy that everyone listening. I hope is inspired to have a conversation whether you're in the throes of it or it's long since passed, open up and have a conversation with someone just as the two of us have had.

Unknown Speaker  44:42  
Alexandra thank you so much for being here. Thank you

Speaker 1  44:53  
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Transcribed by https://otter.ai