Ep.70 How She Embraced Midlife Anxiety and Her Many Layers

Earlier in 2023 I had a day where out of nowhere came a racing heart and super high anxiety.  It was concerning to feel this out of control, and I never really pinpointed a cause other than maybe one of those annoying symptoms of menopause.  I can't imagine feeling like that all the time, and it was enough of a wake-up call to prompt me to make some needed changes, and that included more intentional downtime and selfcare.  As women, we do a lot and need to cut ourselves some slack.

In 2019 Melissa Crook had a health crisis that led her to seek help for unaddressed anxiety and suppressed emotions from her early life.  This high energy lady had to learn to sit with herself to meditate, journal, get uncomfortable with her past, and deal with "her stuff" head-on.  

Melissa knew she had so much to share around her own mental health journey that she started a podcast and a blog, where she brings guests to the table who are living out their best lives with true intent and health in their own unique way.  She wants other women to know that they are not alone and that they have undeniable worth and value just as they were made.  It's all about embracing our many beautiful and complicated layers and living unapologetically.

The F.E.E.L. Podcast and blog: https://www.embracinglayers.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/embracinglayers/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100084428100763

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*Transcripts are done with AI and may not be perfectly accurate.

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Transcript

Asking for a Friend Podcast
How She Embraced Midlife Anxiety and Her Many Layers
Michele Folan
Melissa Crook

women, melissa, anxiety, worked, day, podcast, feel, started, care, naming, hormones, embracing, midlife, cringey, friends, body, learned, anxious, emotions, blogs

Speaker 1  0:00  
Earlier in 2023, I had a day where out of nowhere, came a racing heart and some unexplained anxiety. It was very concerning as I had never had this type of experience before. I felt really out of control. I still was never able to pinpoint a cause except for one of those annoying menopause symptoms. But oddly enough, since then, I've had others share with me that they too have had similar things happen to them. But it was after this that I really dialed into my health and started to make some needed changes that included more intentional downtime, and some self care. And I encourage all our listeners to give themselves a break, and express that needed self love. We all have our stuff. And as women we tend to take on a lot both physically and emotionally. At our core, we are very complex creatures. And we are made of many intricate layers. And in midlife, we should try to embrace all of them, which is why I love today's conversation

Speaker 1  1:18  
health, wellness, career, relationships and everything in between. We're removing the taboo from what really matters in midlife. I'm your host Michele Folan, and this is asking for a friend. Welcome to the show everyone. Our guest today is a blogger and podcaster Melissa Kruk wants midlife women to know their undeniable worth and value just as they were made by introducing her listeners to people that are living out their best lives with true intent and health in their own unique way. Welcome to asking for a friend Melissa Crook.

Speaker 2  2:04  
Thank you so much for having me. Michelle, I'm so happy to be here today.

Speaker 1  2:08  
I'm happy to have you, Melissa and I were chatting a little bit before we started recording. We both love connecting with other podcasters and find that even though Melissa and I have probably very similar audiences that again, there is plenty of room at the table to share voices. So thanks for being here.

Speaker 2  2:33  
The more of us doing this, I think the better having these conversations. I agree.

Speaker 1  2:37  
Well, before we get started, Melissa, I would love for you to just introduce yourself a little bit. Tell the audience where you're from and your family details.

Speaker 2  2:47  
My name is Melissa Couric. I'm originally from the Pacific Northwest, the state of Washington, but I've lived all over the country. I'm currently living in Lubbock, Texas, my husband, Brady works in higher ed administration in colleges, so we have lived and worked and moved a lot of places and our latest landing is Lubbock, which is nothing like the Pacific Northwest. West Texas, home of Texas Tech University. We're cooling down to 98 today, so we're really excited. We have three grown daughters Syrah Kylie and Courtney, Sierra and her husband, Tim live in Bellingham, Washington. She went back to the northwest, our middle daughter, Kylie is currently helping with my father in law in the Inland Northwest, and she works remotely so she's floating around her partner who will probably someday be your spouse, I think pretty sure he's based right now in Augusta, Georgia to koonta and then are going to start recording he is going to into her senior year at Oregon State University.

Speaker 1  3:50  
Congratulations. You got them almost all out. The Caboose is almost finished.

Speaker 2  3:56  
Yes, we are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Yeah,

Speaker 1  4:00  
that's great. Well, very good. I want to dig into your podcast. But first, I think there's a precursor to that. You had a health crisis in 2019. And I was hoping you'd share that with the audience.

Speaker 2  4:14  
I had a health crisis that as I've talked to women over the last four years wasn't all that unusual if you know what it is you're dealing with. But as women, we don't necessarily have that information. So we had just moved to Lubbock three weeks earlier. And I was in the ER twice in 10 days for an accelerated heart rate, high blood pressure, my bladder just randomly releasing and just racing. I mean, the whole nine yards. I'm like, am I having a heart attack? Is my bladder falling out of the bottom of what is happening here? Went through all the chests were a heart monitor for a month. I mean, they've looked at all my organs. Everything was fine physically other than I had a lot of anxiety and hormones out of whack and unprocessed trauma and emotions that I had stuffed for years. And at that point, my husband is like, I think it's time for you to get back into therapy. I'm like, I think you're probably right. Because my family would tell you that I have dealt with anxiety my whole life, I would tell you that it's a big scary world out here. And there's a lot to worry about. And I've got to keep on high alert to make sure nothing gets us or surprises, which really was rooted in my childhood and the environment that I grew up in. Like I said, I've been to therapy twice before, but you have to be ready to really dig in a you have to be ready to hear things that might feel uncomfortable or might really challenge you. And I think I was finally ready to do that. And I even had been feeling that way the spring before. I've been like, I don't have joy, I should have joy. I have a beautiful family. I get to do things I'm passionate about. I should feel better than I do. I finally got desperate enough. And then the health scare. You know, there's nothing like a racing heartbeat and skyrocketing blood pressure and a light head to make you feel like is this it?

Speaker 1  6:25  
Military? You make a great point here. A lot of times we as women wait till the wheels fall off. Before we do go get help.

Speaker 2  6:33  
Yep, I will tell you, I hear it and see it time and time again. I mean, it's just we go go go, we put everything and everyone else as a priority. And I worked out every day. And to me, it's like, okay, I'm good at workout every day. But that was the end of it. And that probably saved me honestly, because it was moving my body and release, getting some stuff worked out. But there were years and years of just things I stuffed for later, I always had like one primary emotion or concern that led the day. And then I just I had no concept of nuanced emotions and feeling multiple things at one time, or even allowing myself to do that.

Speaker 1  7:16  
And this goes way beyond being Mama Bear. Absolutely. These were things that were really daunting and that were like a weight on you every single day

Speaker 2  7:26  
they work. These are things that started piling up when I was six years old is what I figured out, like I said, dabbled in therapy before and I was able to name some things I don't want to say it didn't help. But I wasn't willing to name some other things yet I just wasn't ready. My therapist talked to me about she knows your mind. And your body and your nervous system have to have a sense of safety before they will allow you to go there. I think I finally with kids basically out of the house and doing their thing and just being Brady and I think my nervous system was finally like hello body and my body was just like, it's time to pay attention to us. And that's where I've really learned I always knew but really understood the manifestation of emotional and mental and physical health being connected.

Speaker 1  8:17  
I mean, you talk to anybody in that business, and they will tell you, it's all connected. And I know like my stress and anxiety will manifest with like physical pain. Yes, exactly. My joints will hurt and you don't really realize it at the time. And then you can look back retrospectively and say, oh my god that was just stressed doing that to me.

Speaker 2  8:40  
Yeah, this somatic thing is real. And you're hearing a lot about somatic therapy. Now it's one of those new things that's out there. But I will tell you even after being in the ER twice in that September of 2019, I still had another three month period of like thinking there was something wrong with my physical body. I started therapy that next month, but it took me about six months in to really realize these are manifestations of all this unprocessed trauma and emotions had a scan on my brain because I was sure there was something going on with my nervous system and signals to my brain because of numbness I was having and how my body would freeze up in sections, it just literally freeze up. And they're like there's nothing going on your brain and your organs are physically fine. What happens though, I think and what I had to be willing to do, I started out with a holistic medical practitioner because he wasn't just trying to throw medications at me, right. He with my therapist was willing to ask the questions. What's the root behind this? Yes. You've got high blood pressure. Yes, your heart's racing but you were a heart monitor around for a month. Your hearts healthy. I was literally got that heart test with like, you have such a healthy heart. It's gonna be really hard for you to Have her have heart problems because your hearts that healthy, you're going to really blow things up. I was like, Okay,

Speaker 1  10:06  
you're have to really screw things up, Melissa, to blow this one,

Speaker 2  10:11  
go wild or something if you're screw this up. And so then I had to start with accepting what was actually happening in my body. And then being willing to really die. It's a process, I am still pulling back the layers of all the effects that all of these things have had on me. But I know now there's an awareness that once you accept, when you feel something in your body, you start tracing back, okay, let's take a look at my day. And what I've experienced not that physical things don't happen or wrong. But what is a somatic experience based on stress, or even a manifestation of the stress, whether it's a stomach thing going on, or whatever, the been willing to look at that whole picture? And not just deciding, but I will tell you to this day, I struggle with intrusive thoughts, and anxiety, OCD type things I can pinpoint when that have started being a thing of my life. At eight years old. Those things started creeping in. It's through therapy that I've been able to go back and trace that. So yes. Are there chemical things going on? Yeah. But it was as a result. And so being able to really like, Oh, wow. Okay. It made so much more sense when I was able to piece that together, and then see the pattern that continued. And it's tricky, because there's a lot of people like, oh, yeah, here they go again, blame it all on their parents and their upbringing and whatnot. And I'm like, You got to acknowledge what's there. And that's where the whole piece of being able to feel multiple things. It's not that my entire childhood, every single day was a total disaster. I have good memories from my childhood, I have things that I'm thankful for. And that were fun, and that I look back on fondly. But my environment in general was very emotionally chaotic. Just naming that and the impact it has. Did my parents mean that no, that was not their intent. Interesting. But that was the result. And so being able to name Cosette something that they've really struggled with, and I think a lot of people do is like, this happened as a result of my environment with you. And the things that were asked of me and said, and just what we lived in, it doesn't matter that you didn't mean to. That doesn't mean that didn't have an impact. And that gets tricky.

Speaker 1  12:30  
In speaking with other people that have had childhood trauma. They said, it's not really about forgetting it, or forgiving. It's just really about accepting. You just have to accept it. Right?

Speaker 2  12:45  
Yeah, you have to accept it. And you've got to name it and be aware, because until then, you can't heal. And so that really put me on this path of Yes. I mean, not every woman I talked to has had that experience they had but so many women I know are guilty of pushing and prioritizing other things and thinking they're taking care of themselves. But maybe they're only taking care of one faction. And are they seeing the connection of the emotional mental health. It's like, you can walk and run and yoga and fit in all those things every day. But if you're not mindful about it, and what comes up within it, you're only doing part of the work and the other stuffs still going to creep up and grab you later.

Speaker 1  13:30  
Well, my next question for you is, this was in 2019. When all this started, did this piggy back on menopause at all?

Speaker 2  13:41  
It did 1,000% And actually what I would call Peri menopause now that I know what I know. I didn't know that was a Peri menopause. I didn't even know that was a word.

Speaker 1  13:51  
We never talked about perimenopause. No,

Speaker 2  13:55  
no one told me what I basically have, I can trace back to age 45. When things start amping up in my body that had never amped up before, my family will attest to the anxiety piece had always been there. But it went to another level. It really did. And we'd had some big things happen, big moves, big changes that all contributed to that. But yeah, the hormones. I think what happens in midlife at least has been my experience and a lot of women I talked to is anything that's been unprocessed or not worked through comes to the surface, along with the hormones and it's this midlife reckoning of pay attention to me. I need you to take care of me. It was the perfect storm of perimenopause and the hormone fluctuations that were just you tripled upon with a cross country move kids graduating from high school and going to college and graduating from college and getting engaged and another move I mean, there was just a lot of a lot of moving parts houses not Selling. And so carrying two mortgages, I mean, oh, God, it's

Speaker 1  15:04  
a lot of stuff. It's a lot. That is a lot.

Speaker 2  15:09  
It was. It was a lot. And I was journaling every day. And I was doing the physical part. But there's a way that you go about things. I was very, like, people would tell me, you need to do a gratitude journal, and I got really cringey and I couldn't figure out why does that make me so cringy? Why didn't get so irritated? I mean, I got really, like, noticeably irritated

Unknown Speaker  15:32  
that sound too. Woowoo.

Speaker 2  15:35  
Yeah, and just like, don't tell me when to be faithful. I know what yeah, when to be thankful. I realized later that I really had a history both in the faith spaces I've been in and in my family growing up, what I've termed, and I don't know if I've officially termed this, but we have an episode about on podcast called weaponized gratitude. Where it was very much any time as a kid growing up or in the face faces I was in, I brought up a concern, or I was having an emotion that they didn't want to deal with, or was contrary to what they were comfortable with. They would sit there and remind me of all the things I should be thankful for. we've coined it in the podcast, weaponized gratitude. Because of the impact that that had had on me internally, I became really cringey. And what I've moved to, that really helps me, as I write down all of my emotions that I'm feeling every day, I mean, every single one of them, gratitude is always in there. But I found if I make room for all of them, that informs my day, and allows room for gratitude, because I'm grateful I can name all of them. I couldn't have named all my emotions eight years ago, right? So within all that go into 45, yes, I was very good about journaling. But my journaling was really just a venting session. I was doing quiet time. But at the time, I was in faith spaces, evangelical spaces where I was feeling guilty about feeling anxious, I'm looking at all these verses in the Bible, and I'm like, What is wrong with me, it's telling me Don't be anxious about anything. It's not working. And I was really going through this shame spiral. I'm not faithful enough. I don't believe enough, I've had to dismantle that too. And take that apart. That's all been part of this journey, as well as dismantling and putting back together the pieces that are actually true, versus what I was told, and learn and a lot of learning and unlearning. So, yes, that was a really long answer to your question about hormones. But all these things had collided in 2019, it finally just like, Alright, you're going to really focus on this. And looking back now I'm like, if I just would have gotten into this earlier, but I was taking care of the kids, I was taking care of the houses, I was taking care of all these things, my husband's very self sufficient, we have a very equal partnership. I'm very blessed, very fortunate. So you know, there was still just a lot going on in the spaces that I was putting on. And I just, I would call my closest friends and I would emotionally dump. I was like, that's not healthy either. And that takes a toll on those relationships,

Speaker 1  18:11  
the anxiety piece, I just have just a little story. And I did talk about this maybe on a real on Instagram a while back. But there was one day, out of nowhere. I had this overwhelming feeling of anxiousness that my heart was racing. And I'm going, Oh, my gosh, where is this coming from? And it's so frustrating when you can't name it. Yes, I had no idea what was causing it, I assume it was menopause. And I mean, I take hormones, and all of that. But I think that can be really super scary. When you can't figure out why you're feeling this way. And I love what you're doing. Being able to name your emotions every day, you can name your emotions. And I think that is a cool version of self care to be able to do that on a daily basis.

Speaker 2  19:10  
It's something I had to figure out. It's something that is as I got into therapy, because I will tell you, it's very scary. And so to go back, so when I was 38, I had an ablation, and an ablation is basically where they go in and they strip your uterus wall so that you don't bleed monthly anymore. And I was having very heavy periods and cramping and I was after kids and my husband had had a vasectomy, and my doctor who was very tuned into women's health where we were living at the time said, I think you should try this. I think it really helped you. It was wonderful. I totally Game Changer Game Changer recommended. However, the information that didn't get given to me is this is also a result of estrogen levels. So you need to pay attention to what your estrogen levels do. They might manifest in this way. And when people ask you when you had your last period to be decide whether you've gone through menopause or not, this is some information you can give them. No one told me that. So all of a sudden, 45, I have really painful breasts and I have got breast cyst. Well, that really started the anxiety spiral. Because every time I felt a lump, I had to figure out and go to the doctor and get an ultrasound and get another mammogram to determine whether it was a cancerous lump or a breast cyst. And my doctors kind of learned my cycle and figured it out. But that really amped up the anxiety. And so now all of a sudden, I deal with to this day, a real serious issue with anxiety around health and health symptoms, and kind of intrusive thoughts around that. And it's all connected to that hormones and unprocessed trauma, all of that colliding. But if I just had more information, that's my I think my big thing with is getting all this information that we're not getting from our doctors about what's going on with our bodies. And having just a checklist, and everybody's different, we're not all the same. Even having the conversation with this is a sign of an estrogen level increase, those are going to fluctuate, you're over 35, watch out for these things. No one ever told me, that's all of a sudden at 45. I've got these breast cysts, they're telling me Don't be anxious, and I learned what they felt like. But I had about a four year span, where I was having to get checked twice a year, and it's going through this whole thing. And it was very stressful. It didn't have to be that way if I'd had the information, and it just piled on to all that anxiety. And what sent me to the ER, some of it was on me and just not dealing with stuff. But some of it was avoidable if I just had the right information.

Speaker 1  21:45  
So you're very aware self care now? Yeah. And I'm curious what else you're doing in the realm of self care to manage some of your symptoms?

Speaker 2  21:58  
Well, it was a real eye opener to realize I had to shift. It wasn't just about what I was doing. It was about how was approaching it. So I really had to embrace mindfulness. One of the things that my therapist told me in fall of 2019, was, I want you to start trying some meditation, just try it for three minutes. And I was just like, three minutes felt like eternity to sit there for three minutes, and focus on my breathing and trying to call my brain. It felt like an hour, like three minutes. And now I laugh. I mean, I'll do 15 minute spells, and not even think about it now. And it took me probably, I would say six months to get past that three minutes. And I had tried meditation and yoga in the past. And I was like, oh, it's not for me, it doesn't move fast enough. Because I was very uncomfortable sitting with myself. I was very uncomfortable sitting with my thoughts. I just couldn't I was very scary for me. It brought up things that just confronting the reality of where I was at. So I had to one get comfortable with mindfulness. And that's going to look different for everybody. For me, meditation has been helpful. Yoga has been helpful. I have to get on those days when I'm really feeling it my body. A brisk workout is really helpful. I can't run anymore. My hips I ran for years, and my hips just finally said no more. You pounded us and up.

Speaker 1  23:28  
Oh, Melissa, we all have those little things, creaky aches and pains. Yes,

Speaker 2  23:34  
exactly. There's no denying the aging process no matter what you do. But so I had to find things that way. And being mindful about that, and making it a priority. But also what I've learned through that, because I got to a point even as I started this process, about two years in, so about 2021, I'm like, There's days this stuff just doesn't do anything for me. And my therapist is like you're trying to make everything go away. When you do this. You're not going to completely get rid of anxiety ever. It's a tool that we've been given to alert us because I had this mindset when I started therapy that six months gonna work it out. I will never feel anxious about anything again. No, I had to release that idea that there was an endpoint there where I was just never going to feel anxiousness again, instead of realizing I needed to get to what's the root of it? What are my triggers? How do I know what's coming up, and then a process instead of like, I gotta get rid of this. I got to get rid of this feeling. I gotta get rid of this. Working through it, allowing myself to move through it. That's where that practice of writing down my emotions everyday comes in. It informs me of what I need that day. It informs me of what I maybe shouldn't try to do that day. And that informs how I proceed. I always try and not perfect at this but I always try to Start the day before I look at my phone, or I turn on the TV or look at my computer, I try to sit down and write out those emotions I'm feeling that day, I've started a practice that's connected to inner child work, which has been really powerful for me, where I've just named I am safe in my body, and I say it out loud. And I am able to enjoy my life. I can recognize sensations in my body and sit with them and identify them and acknowledge I start off with that practice each morning, before I proceed into anything else, and then move into my day. And that informs me wherever like, because sometimes you'll wake up and you'll feel something like why am I feeling nervous today? Why am I feeling anxious today? I'm feeling wearily irritable, why? It allows me to name it and see it and then even just doing that, and then I do some breathing. I'll do some just 20 seconds of deep breathing. I'll look out the window at the sunrising allow it because sleeping has been a big issue with the whole perimenopause menopause thing for me. No shit. No, no kidding. So one of the things that I've tried to do is look at the sun to kind of set my clock, I go look directly into sunlight, don't do with your eyes open, of course. But go look directly into the sun sight and do this deep breathing to alert my body time to wake up. And then when it's time to go to bed, even though it stays light very late. If I'm trying to shut my body down by nine o'clock, I'm going around, and I'm shutting the blinds to inform because otherwise, it would just stay bright in here till 10 o'clock, shutting the blinds and preparing my body for sleep. It's not perfect, but it is helped. So my self care, I have a toolbox. But it's very informed by the first thing that I do in the day, which is naming and if I don't do that, and it's you know, when you travel and whatnot, and things get thrown off, I feel it, it comes up in different ways. But it's been a process like I've really probably spent the first two years, I'd like garnering, I've got these tools, I've got these lists, I'm gonna do this thing. It took two years of therapy and it wasn't till spring of 2021 that it figured out that healing is you got to lose that use that word loosely. Because my therapist, what does healing mean to you? Like, it means I never feel anxious again, just like, hey, yeah, that's a part of your package. Like, you know, what you need to do is realize and retrain your nervous system on what it is you're feeling anxious about, and whether it's valid or not. And when it's not getting to the root of why that's coming up. And that's a journey I'm still on.

Speaker 1  27:38  
Well, you decided to start a podcast? I did. First of all, does that whole idea that process make you anxious? Or are you pretty comfortable with doing it? Now?

Speaker 2  27:51  
Here's the really funny thing that I've learned. You would think with my history it should have it did not. We came up with it on March 1 of 2021. My husband's birthday, he wanted to do a dream. While that day, he was working through a Brene Brown book. And the next step was doing a dream walk. So he asked me as part of his birthday to set aside two hours in the afternoon to do a dream while I'm like, Sure, why not. And the first trick was naming what my dreams were because all of my dreams and all of my things have been shaped around my family and everybody else and then you know, on my health, but of like, what's my dream? What do I want to do? How do I name you know, my values? And why do I even care about the Brene gave us process, of course, she's good at that. And I came up with the idea of like, I've learned a lot in the last few years. And I want to share this with other women. And I want to get it out to women in their 20s and their 30s and their 40s. And for those that are my age and older that it's not too late to do something about it. They get it to them early. So they're on it, they know the questions to ask, they know the things that they need to be looking at to making sure their life is imbalanced and their self care is a priority. And it's not selfish to do that. And a podcast seemed like a way of like, you can tell right now I can talk I have no problem talking. And I'm very comfortable talking to people. And because I felt so passionate, and it was so aligned with who I was that I actually haven't been nervous in the process. It's the only thing I have ever proceeded through in my life job. Anything I've done that I haven't felt nervous about, which made no sense on the surface, because it's like, I didn't know anything about equipment. I mean, nothing. I mean, how do I even make this sound okay. And that was a little bit of adventure early on. But I had two people in my life that were willing to come along with me and I knew if I could get their help that I could do it. And so it was Valencia San Louis, who was a young woman that I was a mentor to I worked in the mentoring program at Adelphi University, when we lived on Long Island, and Valencia was my Men tea. And she and I stayed together even after I left New York, and she had a communications background. She was a 2020 Grad trying to find her way. But she had produced an edited podcast in college. So she knew how to do that piece. She knew what equipment we needed, she knew what mic to tell me to get or how to figure it out. And then my daughter, Kylie's roommate, Abby, Raquel was a marketing major 2020 Grad also, she was in grad school, but she needed marketing and social media and website experience, these young women were needed experience to put on a resume so they could go out in the world and get jobs. So Abby built our social media and our website, and Valencia figured out what kind of equipment I needed. And she edited the shows, and we were off and running. We started meeting in May, and we put out our first episode in July. We've learned a lot since then, you go back, it's funny. I'll go back and listen to the early episodes. I'm like, oh, that's sound quality. I Oh. I mean, it's. So we've learned, we started out on Zoom, we use Zen caster, we just learned along the way, I still have the same equipment I had from the beginning that has served me well and has worked out. But I felt so aligned. And so passionate, that women, we need to talk about hormones that are not a dirty word, menopause and perimenopause are not a dirty word. Our periods are not a dirty word. All these things we need to feel safe talking about and not feel cringy about and talk to our girlfriends and compare notes and ask the doctors and don't feel like you're putting your doctor out. If you don't know, keep asking until you know you're paying them, you're paying them to be there. So getting that information out. But through this process, I found a pattern. And collectively with my daughters and my husband and my son in law, and Abby and Valencia, we came up with talking points and a title that really aligned with my journey. And I'm like, if you can go through these steps and ask yourself these questions, you can get to a space where you are actually taking care of yourself in the way you need to it's going to change in seasons, it's going to fluctuate, what works for you today isn't necessarily going to work for you five years from now or six months from now, or when you change locations or jobs. But if you can use this as a compass to guide you, you can avoid the missteps of me and so many of my friends and people I knew and that was the other thing is, I was very confident I could get women to come in and talk to me about this. I know women all over the country, I know women from a lot of different backgrounds, because I was also very committed to getting a multi sectional group of women on there, because what affects our stress levels and our emotional, mental physical health. And the kind of boundaries we need has a lot to do with the environment that we in, I as a white cisgendered heterosexual woman do not have the same experience as some of my black female friends. And my friends that identify as queer, and my Latina can Hispanic and Asian friends. Because all these other factors, there's so many cross sections that affect all of these places in our lives and our health. If we're going to show up for each other as women, we got to know each other's stories and how we can best show up for each other because it's not a monolith. And even getting into communities. Black women are not a monolith. Hispanic and Latino women are not a monolith, you know, Asian women, women that come from different fields. I mean, there's all these different experiences. So within that learning from each other, so we can show up as a unit together for each other, and with empathy for each

Speaker 1  33:45  
other. It's a great message. And I love that. What a great foundation to have for your podcast and the name of your podcast is called the feel podcast. Yeah, we hadn't mentioned that. And so it's good that people know that it's the feel podcast, but then you also have a blog, and your overarching name is called embracing layers, right?

Speaker 2  34:07  
Right. This was the initial when you start putting together a website and naming things, and naming your handles on the social media, you've got to go through and make sure things aren't taken already, so you don't get into any kind of copyright trouble or anything like that. So there was a lot of things about feel out there. So what we did is it's an acronym, so it's finding empowerment and bracing layers, through the talking points that I take guests through. I really believe that if you walk through these things out, you can find your own empowerment and embrace your layers. So we do F period II period. So we had to do all those delineations to make sure we weren't getting confused with somebody else because it's also important for the whole search engine piece. And then the other thing that we found is it's feel even if I put the periods in was taken and some places already so we're like okay, what else in this acronym can we take and embracing layers wasn't taken. So some stuff we show up as the field podcast with embracing layers underneath and some stuff we show up as embracing layers with the field podcast underneath. We are in the process this summer right now, a clearing that up, my good friend Liz Thomas, who's a marketing and PR person should be a guest on the podcast in the fall. And we've collaborated on some things, but she's like, You got to clean that up, you got to send one message out to people, so they know. So going forward, we will be embracing layers with a sub topic, the field podcast, but even figuring that out. So we didn't mean to have two different names out there. But it just turned out that way. And we kind of sat with it. But now that we're starting to get some traction and decided we're staying around for a while, our marketing people like you got to clean that up. People are gonna be confused. Well,

Speaker 1  35:49  
I'm glad that we got that out there. So everybody understands where they can find you. And you do have a presence on Instagram.

Speaker 2  35:56  
You're on all the socials. Yeah, you can go to embracing layers.com is our website and we've got a link tree there run Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, Tik Tok, Twitter, we've got a YouTube channel that we're really just getting up and going, it's gonna have shorts on it of our different episodes to kind of give people a sneak peek, and then they can go more. We're in the process of taking our first two seasons and converting them to book form right now. And we hope to have that ready in the fall.

Unknown Speaker  36:22  
So fantastic, Melissa,

Speaker 2  36:25  
yeah. And then I'm starting to this is from the few friends here, I'm starting to put myself out there on the speaker circuit, with the eight talking points being the background that we go talk to people about, because we just want people engaged in the conversation, we've got a sub stack that people can join, it's free, you get first look at our blogs, and our blogs are really just a preview of what's coming. They're not just a premium. On my blog writer, Jessica does a wonderful job. I did the blogs the first season, and I was just like, this is not really my strength, and found Jessica Patterson second season on and she's an aspiring writer. She has a women's studies background in college. And so she gives her take on each episode via the blog. And that drops a day before an episode. But she's really the one she's taken those blogs and highlights from our episodes. And she and I together are putting this book and then through all that I've had three friends in the podcast world say you need to start putting yourself out there as a thought leader and a speaker. And I think we as women, I got really cringey I'm like, Ooh, I don't know about that. Like, I don't have a degree or you know, I don't have all these letters behind my name, doctor and all these things. And they're like, Yeah, but you and your group collectively came up with these talking points, you came up with the idea of introducing by character traits instead of what people do. Because that's the other thing I've found is women are so focused, when you ask them what their character traits are. They have to sit with that they're like you mean, who I am as a person, not what I do like, that is what I mean, who are you as a person are like, Well, I think I am. And I make them do it. They're like, what do you think I am for my friends that I'm like, Ah, you got to name it. This is where this starts. Yeah. For you kind of dismantling what you place your value in and how you see yourself within all that they're like that makes you a thought leader in those areas. And you can go talk to women about that and invite them into this. So that's something I'm looking into, that I'm excited about. You can I mean, obviously I love talking to people, but I've had three of my friends tell me you're like you're having impostor syndrome right now. And I'm like,

Speaker 1  38:28  
I was just gonna say that I was gonna say, Melissa, this is called impostor syndrome.

Speaker 2  38:33  
I know. And it's one of those things that I've never thought of myself as having that in other arenas. This is a different arena. But we've got to talk about this stuff. And that's what I love about what you do Michels you bring on I love your podcast. Well, thank you. And that's why I reached out I was like this asking for a friend and talking to women about these different things are coming up. I learned things like you had a guest on that was talking about some of her symptoms from perimenopause and menopause. I'm like, I had that. Yeah, I thought I was the only one it was it was one of his more discriminant ones you don't hear about as much it wasn't the you know, hot flashes, anxiety, brain fog when it was more of a discriminant. One of my me too.

Speaker 1  39:15  
Yeah. That's why I wanted to make it a comfortable conversation. For women, whether it's health and wellness. We dabble with careers, but relationships is huge. I think that's something that we're redefining some of our relationships when we get to midlife. Yeah, like I said, I think having the conversation is the first step. It is it is the first step, Melissa, this was very fun. And I also appreciate your transparency, sharing some of this with our guests because sometimes it can be uncomfortable talking about things that have weighed us down but I think when people listen to you, they're probably see a little bit of themselves in there and hopefully really know that there is help out there for them?

Speaker 2  40:02  
Absolutely. And that's the thing, too, is like the one thing that we do. That's so helpful. I learned something from every one of our guests. I mean, I've learned something from every single one. And we have a Sources page on our website that I allow our guests to put down the sources that are helpful to them with the hope that if you're looking for something to help you on this journey, there's something in there that will reach out to you and make you feel like oh, okay, I connect with that. That's something that works for me.

Speaker 1  40:27  
That's great. I'll put all that in the show notes to Melissa. Okay. Thank you so much for being here today.

Speaker 2  40:34  
Oh, thank you so much for having me. Michelle, thanks for what you do.

Speaker 1  40:44  
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